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Terry Crews

By May 6, 2020 July 14th, 2020 No Comments
Episode 21

Terry Crews

Actor, Former-NFL Player, Ex-Porn Addict, & Activist

Terry Crews is perhaps best known for his hilarious bicep-bulging Old Spice videos, but since achieving viral YouTube fame, Terry has gone on to become a force to be reckoned with in Hollywood. He has starred in hit TV series such as Everybody Hates Chris and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and is featured in popular movies including White Chicks, The Longest Yard, Bridesmaids, The Expendables. Now the host of America’s Got Talent, Terry has also been outspoken about the harms of porn since 2015 when he repped a “Porn Kills Love” tee on Instagram.Listen as Terry Crews tells podcast host Garrett Jonsson how he really feels about pornography—especially during this time of social isolation during the current COVID-19 crisis. Hear why he’s on a mission to educate individuals about porn’s harms while also being a beacon of hope for those who feel stuck in their recovery.You can get more of Terry Crews by tuning into Brooklyn Nine-Nine, America’s Got Talent, and connecting with him on social media at @terrycrews.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Garrett: what’s up people? I’m Garrett Jonsson and you’re listening to Consider Before Consuming a podcast by Fight the New Drug. Now if you’re joining us for the first time, Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science facts, personal accounts. That’s where Terry Crews comes in- with his personal account. First of all, big shout out to Terry Crews for sitting down with us. Right before recording this conversation, Terry went Live with us on IG- we’ve added that to IG Tv if you’d like to check that out. By the way this conversation was recorded in April 2020, and will publish in May of 2020, so the world is currently in quarantine. Which means we’re experiencing increased isolation, but we hope this conversation provides you with some healthy connection.

It’s very probable that you’ve heard of Terry Crews, he currently stars in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and hosts America’s Got Talent. Here’s the thing, he’s the perfect host for AGT, because he is one of the most talented people there is. He’s an actor, comedian, former NFL player, artist, designer, author, activist, and he even plays the flute. Some might argue that Terry’s greatest strength is his ability to pec pop, or his talking biceps, But I’d argue that it’s his authenticity.

Recording a conversation with Terry Crews was enjoyable; as two people who have experienced the negative impacts of pornography, we had a lot to talk about. We talked about everything from why he would turn to pornography, how it affected him and his relationships, to what happened when he finally told the truth to his partner.

With all that being said, let’s just jump into it. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Consider Before Consuming.

Garrett: Right? Yeah. Well with you, Terry, to be honest, I felt like when I said that it was 22 minutes, I kind of said it out a surprise too because it felt like you had been talking for like four minutes because it was really good. And so we’re just eating it up and so we appreciate, uh, we appreciate that. So, thanks, man!

Terry Crews: Hey, I, I’m just thankful for what you guys are doing, man. It’s, uh, it’s so valuable. It’s, I, that’s all I can say. Just the value is incredible and it’s not done in judgment. It’s not done to crush people. It’s just done out of love, man. It’s nothing but love. I could feel the love, you know, and you just got to let people know what’s up. You know what I mean? It’s like, sure. That’s all good.

Garrett: For sure. If you could, you brought up the fast food example, like if you’re eating all this junk food, um, I think it’s important to remember that if someone brings up an educates about the unhealthy factors of junk food, that doesn’t mean that doesn’t make them anti eating right. And it’s the kind of the same thing with you and Fight the New Drug. It’s like, just cause we talk about the harmful effects of pornography and sexual exploitation, that doesn’t make us anti-sex. Right. Definitely pro sex. It doesn’t make us anti eating cause we say junk food is junk food.

Terry Crews: That’s it. I mean,…

Garrett: So I like that you touched on that.

Terry Crews: No man, I’m um, totally, totally all about getting rid of the stigma.

Garrett: One hundred percent.

Terry Crews: Because you know, when I was a kid, man, you know, you would never bring up anything like this.

Garrett: Stigmas are always unhealthy, right?
Terry Crews: Well, yeah, I mean there’s shame inducing. I mean it makes people, you know what’s funny is people feel shame when they even hear it. So my deal, I’m like, I’m like, let’s put it all out in the open man. Let’s just, you know what? Let us be uncomfortable for a minute. But all of a sudden you get comfortable. All of a sudden you go, wait a minute. You know what? Cause if people know that they, cause the big thing I there like “Terry Crews, you, you too?” And I’m like, “Yeah man, this is what’s, so we’re, we’re human beings. This is the whole point. And if your story will affect everything.” it’s like people tend to feel like only my story is valuable but choice or it is valuable.

It affects everyone around you. This is why you have to tell, you have to find someone. And now this is another thing, people that you trust. I don’t, I, I’m not an advocate of just blabbing out all your stuff and being inappropriate, no thing. But I am about finding someone that you can really trust. Find that best friend, find that person in your family, find that, that person you’ve always looked up to who really, who can you can trust to open up to and share your heart man. And a lot. And I know as a man, it’s been always hard for us to do that. You know what I mean? Showing your vulnerability. Um, but I also know that the risk is too great. You know what I mean? Like what you miss out on. Um, the things that have happened with what I look at model life.

Um, even as an adult man, when I look at, you know, I was a victim of a sexual assault a few years ago, which was crazy. And I definitely, I definitely put it on the whole porn mentality. This guy looked at me and he just, you know, he was basically looking at me like I was hard to get and I’m like, “Yo, dog.” And he’s lucky I didn’t kill him. Which is this is, I look at another thing where I’m like, thank God I was in the right place and I had done enough therapy and had done enough examining re examining of myself and that porn rehab that I didn’t kill a man for crossing that line because I said, “Hey man, I know why you did that.” You know what I mean? Dude, it saved my life several different ways. You know what I mean?

Like if I would’ve never went to rehab, never done, and that happened to me, I’ll be in jail right now. You know?

Garrett: That’s wild to think about.

Terry Crews: It is wild to think about it, but it’s true. It’s an actual fact. And because I had studied what this does to people, I knew he was out of his mind. I knew his wiring wasn’t right and I was able to show mercy because I understood him. You know what I mean?

Garrett: That’s interesting.

Terry Crews: Now I didn’t let it get interesting. I didn’t let it go because he had to face the consequences. He needed to be held responsible for what he did. You know what I mean? And accountable accountability is key. And that’s the thing, but that’s just imagine all the lines that have been crossed. And I’m just talking about guys, I’m talking about in the military, I’m talking about in sports, I’m talking in Hollywood, all these lines that have been crossed and people just thought, “Ah, you know, he’s kidding. And it’s all been, you know, yeah, he’s just joking around.” But, but it’s much more heinous than that. And once I started to see the patterns and I started to understand how, you know, brains have been reworked. I mean, it was literally, I could only bring up myself as an example. And I actually viewed myself just simply because I was a man, I was more valuable than women simply because of just that porn culture mindset. You know what I mean? And dude, well, it’s what it tells you.

Garrett: Well, relatively speaking. Like if you look at the history of the United States, like the women got the right to vote just in the 1920s that’s relatively recently. So it’s like our culture does that to us. And then porn just perpetuates that at a high level.

Terry Crews: Hey, if you, if you understand how much thought goes into getting to you, like making sure that this porn thing stays there like these companies, man, they’re not playing. This is not a game to PornHub. You know what I mean? This is to them, this is the best time of their life. And they’re like, “Hey man, you get PornHub Premium for free.” And dude, that’s what made me panic. I just panicked when I thought of a little nine year old me at home stuff wondering and touching the computer. Like, Oh man, let me, you know I heard about this thing cause you know God, the kids talk.

Garrett: One hundred percent.

Terry Crews: Hey man, they know. You know first you, you, when I was a kid, you passed around the porn mag. You know what I mean?

Garrett: Of course.

Terry Crews: Now you have a computer and the stuff that you got access to, man, it’s like man, it’s not… you are seeing the most violent, most degrading, most heinous crimes against women. You know what I mean? And some people, they call them “nuisance crimes” or you know what they call it “victimless crime”, but I’ve never seen a crime that was victimless. Think about it. The term itself doesn’t work.

Garrett: Yeah.

Terry Crews: There’s no such thing as a victimless crime. And when you look at trafficking and you look at back page and all these, these companies and these infrastructures that are built on you being hooked, uh, man, once, once the info is out for real, once people see it for what it is like to me, man, go ahead. If you, if you could look at the whole thing for what it is and still do it, go ahead. But pornography will never tell you the whole story. It’ll always bat it’s eyes. They’ll blink, it’ll smile. It’ll give this image of this and end it at an a whole other thing. It’s killing you softly and it’s watching you bleed out and letting you and then stepping over your body and it’s over to the next guy or girl.

Garrett: And Fight the New Drug, that’s our mission is an educated decision. We are on the same page as you, Terry. When you say you’re not trying to ban anything.

Terry Crews: Yup.

Garrett: That is us. We’ve, we fully want people to make an educated decision like you’re saying.

Terry Crews: That’s it. That’s it. I mean, you know, um, when I think about how I was, um, it, you know, sometimes it’s weird because there’s a sadness that comes over cause you think about what you’ve lost. You know what I mean? You think about the attitude I had and I think about, man, you know, if I’d have known this earlier, um, it’s almost like, can you imagine a scientist back in the day and let’s say you were an astronomer and you really, really believed that the, the, uh, the sun went around the earth and so everything, all your calculations, you’re just, you just spent a hundred years trying to make this work. You got a beer going down to your knee and then here comes that damn Galileo.

Garrett: Straight up [laughter]

Terry Crews: Galileo just chose you. Wait a minute, man, I think we got this wrong. Well, you throw him in jail.

That’s what to do. You know what I mean? And what happens is there’s a lot of people who, uh, and, and again, there’s a lot of people who support me, but there’s also the, some pushback. There’s some pushback, especially when you look at Hollywood, they, they’re like, “You’re moralizing and you know, a little bit of porn is not a problem and it’s this, and you’re just talking about different types.” First of all, all I’m saying is, is that when you see it all for what it is, I feel like that scientists who has to put down all this stuff, and I had to start from the beginning and I saw, “Holy cow, I got this all wrong. I got it all wrong.” And now I’m on Galileo’s team now I’m like, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.” And they’re like, “Hey, no, you on another side a minute ago.”

I’m just like, “Hey man, I have to admit that I, I got it wrong.” I was the guy who was like, Oh man, you know, I remember, you know, it’s funny because, uh, being in the pros and being an athlete and the whole thing, when I was in the NFL, the strip club was a big, big deal. And that was the way men bonded. You know, it was like, Hey man, let’s go to the strip. And you’re like, eh, you know what was wild is that I like to watch my porn by myself. Okay. But the strip club was like, okay, well we’ll prove that I’m a man, so “Let’s go.” And I remember, you know, women will be on stage and the whole thing and guys would be right there and everybody’s like, yo, it’s to you look at her who, but then the woman, what’s come down off the stage and actually start talking about like real life.

Like, “Hey, you guys play for whatever team” and you, and she started talking about her kids and bills and it was like, “Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Why are you talking about kids? And wait a minute, you were just up on stage. I want you that. I want that. Why are you talking to me?” And dude, first of all, you gotta understand after therapy, this is what I realize is that she was becoming a full fledged human being before my eyes and I…

Garrett: She was ruining the fantasy.

Terry Crews: She was becoming a person like before, she wasn’t even real.

Garrett: She was an object, in your mind.

Terry Crews: Dude. It was like, you know, yeah, it was just something, it was just something you throw around. It was like, you know, a toy or basketball, football and then the basketball starts talking. You’re like, “Wait a minute, Hey, Hey, Hey, stop.”

Garrett: Interesting.

Terry Crews: You can’t treat people like this. People are not objects. People are not products. And man, dude hit me so hard that my little knees buckle because I said I was a part of this and I can’t, I can’t. And I really wanted to go back through my whole life and just apologize. So you know what I mean? Like, but so the next best thing, and I, and that was impossible to do, but the next best thing I said was that I have to help someone else. And I remember in 2016 I get an a got in my car was the first days of Facebook live. I was one of the early guys. They gave Facebook live to it. I remember sitting in my car and I said, you know what? I’m going to talk about this pornography stuff, and I had already been out and been,

Garrett: Because it’s been six years by that point. Right?

Terry Crews: Oh yeah. It had been six years. So it was, I mean, we had already been out in the whole thing, so I said, maybe there’s a couple of people out there that this’ll help hundreds of millions of people, hundreds of millions. To this day, people still looping it. It’s in several languages and I look and I go, “Oh my God, it’s deeper than I ever thought.” and I just, I said, this is what I need to do. Like instead of, listen, I can apologize for that happened in the beginning and whole thing, but the way I can correct this, the way I can try to make amends is to tell my story in hopes that someone, I may not be the same. Somebody was like, well, you know what, that’s not me. I get it without you. I totally understand because there are a lot of people who are not addicted to pornography.

There are a lot of people who are not right. But I’m talking to the ones who walk, you know what I mean? I’m talking to the guys who want to quit and can’t.

Garrett: Right. And that’s one of the misconceptions around pornography is like I think a lot of people who are trying to educate on the harmful effects of pornography. And the misconception is if you’re looking at pornography or addicted, and that’s just not true.

Terry Crews: That’s not, it’s not everybody is different. I’ve seen people in my life, it’s probably my wife told me, she said, you know, “I looked a couple of times and I didn’t want to look anymore.”

Garrett: It wasn’t her thing.

Terry Crews: And that was like, you know, 30 years ago. You know what I mean? She has no problem. Okay. But that was not me. That was not me. I was like, I promise I’ll never do this again.

And dude day would turn into night. And I was like, I’m still watching. I can’t turn it off. I’ll be like, why? And I mean I’m talking pre days of the internet. I was when it was magazines, I would do whatever I had to do to sneak images. When I was back in the early days of cable TV, I’m 51 years old and I remember when it was only four channels. It was PBS, ABC, NBC, CBS, and then the cable came in and there was a, there was a channel called Escapade which eventually turned into the Playboy channel and I was at home at 13 years old. Every time my parents left the house there was a little set top box that sat on top of our TV and I would Jimmy, all you had to do was hold the channels in between two channels and then make sure you’re clear,

Garrett: You found a way.

Terry Crews: But that, but point out to be does not, it makes sure it’s easy to find. You know what I mean? Like anybody, if they really didn’t want you to find it, they could have made sure it was really blocked. But they did. I was a 13 year old kid and I had probably watched hours and hours of pornography by the time I was 17 and left that house. Dude, I said I was already six, six, seven years into being an intuitive heavy addiction. And then you look at what the pornography was. It was a place on fairytales like Cinderella and, and um, Oh yeah, it was a snow white and all these kinds of plays on children’s type thing. You know what I mean? Things that are tracked kids. It’s almost like when you look at the smoking, tobacco industry, they literally had Joe Camel representing a lot of the smoking in order to make it like, “Oh is good kids. It’s fun.”

Garrett: Yeah, that’s true.

Terry Crews: Dude. When I say how heinous and how well thought out this industry is, it’s a making sure they got your buttons in the media. I get it. You know what I mean? We make a commercial. We want you to see it. You know what I mean? And when they do something, they’re trying to find ways to get to a younger and younger audience and know more. Now in this quarantine, the thing that hit me was like, “My God, all the kids that are at home right now with the phones, with their iPads, with their computers.” I said, “Man, I saw. I said, I see something that if we don’t get ahold of it, if we don’t talk about it.” because this is the thing. You got to talk about it. You are grazing up a whole other problem that could come out of this corn team.

And don’t let it be said that Terry Crews did not say, “Hey guys, whew. Let’s talk.” Let’s talk to the kids out there that are watching, that I’ve seen are watching me right now. I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. You know what? That stuff has been designed to get into your head. It has been designed to take you out and you are just following your instinct. Just like a man is hungry or a girl is hungry. They play on your hunger. It play on a natural desire.

Garrett: One thing I, that’s one thing I took away from one of your videos, one of your, uh, your dirty little secret videos. I think it was from that video. You mentioned the word halt.

Terry Crews: Yes, yes, yes.

Garrett: Is that kind of what you’re talking about? All the natural things that we feel?

Terry Crews: Yes. Halt. Hungry, angry, lonely or tired.

We all are hungry. We all, you know, we get angry. We all get lonely and we all get tired. Nevermore than they’re in this quarantine man. For sure. My God, man. You know, you turn around and you can’t even go to a restaurant.

Garrett: Seriously.

Terry Crews: You know what I mean? You’re losing interactions and then you get angry about it. You’re angry. The fact you can’t leave. Oh my, the anxiety level comes to here and then let’s just, let’s talk about the people who are lonely. You know, one thing that’s been told to me and guys reached out and said, “Yeah, you could quit porn. Yeah, you got a wife, you got a wife. But I’m all by myself. What do I do?” And what’s wild is this. Everyone has a rationalization. I rationalize. I said, “Well, this is why I have to do. I felt like this, she, she wasn’t doing this for me.” but what I had to hit really hit me is that I was hungry. I was angry, I was lonely and I was tired and I had to haul and I had to find true intimacy. I had to find true answers for each one of those letters in the acronym. You know what I mean? When you’re hungry, buying yourself something healthy. When you’re angry, understand why you’re angry and calm down.

Garrett: Maybe you’re hangry? [laughter]

Terry Crews: [laughter] You’re hangry! [laughter] When you’re lonely, reach out. You know what I mean? Reach out. Reach out to people that care for you, man. You know what I mean? Tell somebody you’re going through this.

Garrett: You know, one thing I was just going to say because I used to consume a lot of pornography and I always said that “When I got married that I would stop consuming pornography.” And the reason why I don’t like that mentality, the reason why I think that mentality might be unhealthy and I’m not judging, I’m talking about myself.

Terry Crews: Right.

Garrett: I was going from consuming pornography to consuming my partner. Like you know, like almost using pornography to using my partner. And it took a lot of years to understand that and to face that and to be like, “Okay, that’s not a healthy, healthier way.”

Terry Crews: Hey man, The term is “acting out.” That’s the term. And there were times I acted out with my wife and she’s like, “You’re not even here.” You know what I mean? When I say “It put a brick between us.” it’s the truth. And there were times she felt like, “You know what? I don’t even w did you even realize that I was there?” and I was basically acting out with my wife.

Garrett: That’s interesting.

Terry Crews: And it makes you again remember you want intimacy, you want someone to know you.

And love you, but if you never share it, they can never know that. This is another thing I have to say. When I was going through all this stuff, I thought “If my wife ever knew she would hate me.” So that was the reason to keep it a secret.

Garrett: She’d hate the true you, right?

Terry Crews: She would hate the real me. She would be like, “Oh man, I’m outta here.” I would hate this. So this is the deal. So I kept up a false me. It had a double life. You know what I mean? And when I say this to a lot of people, it’s that “success is the warmest place to hide.” You know what I mean? Because you ha you can really build two lives. Being a successful person. Right now, I am Terry crews. For the past 10 years, I have been one whole human being.

But before that I learned even in high school, “Hey man, you gotta be two people.” You know there’s the, there’s this church going, Terry Crews, artists, football player, this kind of guy. And then there’s the one that I know. Yes, the Terry Crews that I know and I’m ashamed of and, but what I did not, this was the biggest breakthrough, Garrett, or the biggest breakthrough when I finally revealed it, when I finally came out, she was like, “Why didn’t you tell me I love you?”

Garrett: Wow.

Terry Crews: dude, I’m getting choked up now. Just thinking about it. All I thought at the beginning was that she’d be like, “Oh, get away from me.” Uh, but she was like, “Why didn’t you tell me? I love you.”

Garrett: Wow she cared.

Terry Crews: That was the intimacy I was looking for, man.

Garrett: Wow.

Terry Crews: That is what satisfied. That was real food. That calmed all the halt. Everything. A hungry, angry, lonely, tired was done.

Garrett: Just straight satisfied.

You know what I mean? Now I was like, “Oh my God.” That whole just, but you can only be, you could only get that by being vulnerable. You have to, you can only get that by actually opening up to someone who cares about you and you care about them. And I’m trying to tell you, man, it’s, it’s a very, very powerful thing. And I want to just encourage, I mean, you know, there’s a lot of kids out there who feel like they will not be accepted. Uh, but, but be very, very careful to find someone. Okay, well you can really combine it and there is someone there. Look at the organizations like this. There are organizations at your school, there are people at your school, they’re your best friend. You know what I mean? And let me tell you, anybody that would shun you and dog you out for even admitting you had faults, it’s probably not a real good friend. Anyway.

Garrett: Right. Out of my group of friends, I think there was only one that didn’t consume pornography. And I, and I look up to him today because he stood apart from the crowd, you know, we were all consuming pornography was a normal thing for us. And I admire him for that. So be that and be that kid.

Terry Crews: You see that strength. You go, “Oh my goodness. How… ?” I’m here to say it like I’ve had people go, “How do you do it?” I mean, people hit me up on social media like, “Dude, how do you do it? How do you do it?” But dude, it’s one of these things where I started to realize that habits are more powerful than you could ever imagine. You know what I mean? It’s if you wake up at four in the morning for 30 days straight, I promise your day, 31 on your day off. You don’t have to get up. You’re getting up at four in the morning.

Garrett: For sure.

Terry Crews: You the things that are just automatic things that you just do. And what happens is if you insert pornography into your habits, it becomes your go-to. And what’s happened is you get to the point where you don’t even know what else to go to.

It’s literally become the defining point of your day. It becomes your stress reliever. It becomes this thing. It becomes the person that you can depend on and then we tell you something. It works. It works right? Until it does it. It’s like having a fantasy and you go, “Oh, this fantasy is amazing!” and all of a sudden it turns into the worst horror movie you ever imagine you are. Literally. It’s like, “Oh my God, this is a beautiful image.” and all of a sudden it’s totally Hannibal Lecter in every way, shape and form. That’s what you buy, but you can’t have, you have it as part of your habits. There’s no way you can find your way out and I’m here to say, new habits, inserting new brain pathways, new synapses in your brain. There were things where man… Listen, it’s not easy because you just go, what else am I going to do? But I had to literally write down things that I was going to do instead of watch pornography. It was that simple. It was like, “Okay, I am going to read a book right now.” in the first paragraph,

Garrett: One thing that I’ve found Terry and you give me your opinion. Once you say “No.” one time, it’s powerful, right?

Terry Crews: Yes.

Garrett: It allows you, you realize you can say “No.” Right? Because for so long you’re just, “I can’t say, no.” and then once you say “No.”, it’s empowering.

Terry Crews: But see, like I said, what I just said, I said, I’m reading that first paragraph. Ah, the second paragraph is interesting. Third one. I’m like, “Wow.”

Garrett: Yeah.

Terry Crews: By the 10th page I forgot all about what I, what I would normally do if you see what I mean. This doesn’t take a long time and I not, this is another thing for, let’s say you had an addiction for years, for years. It’s much faster to overcome than it was to build. I’m telling you that right now. Once you have your information, once you have listened, I’ve been free for 10 years, but I’m here to tell you that that happened much faster than it took to get because this is what happens. You get, your body gets healthier once you start feeding it right and doing the right things much faster than it took you to ruin it as tough as long as it took for you to get obese.

Once you start doing the right things, you will get better that fast. Isn’t that amazing? Your brain works the same way because we, cause we’re, cause right now we’re talking about principles, you know what I mean? Not judgements, not morality. We talk about principles. Hey man, you give your body water. It’s like we got it.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: But if you’re drinking like just straight corn syrup all day long, it’s going to be, there’s going to be some negative effects. It’s the principle. There’s a principle of health. There’s not a principle of sickness.

Garrett: What do you mean by that?

Terry Crews: What I mean? What I mean is, is that you, you, the principle of health is that you, your body is meant to be healthy. Your body’s not meant to be sick. This is why… Hey man, we can talk about Covid-19, but there are way more people that have recovered from Covid, than have died from Covid.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: As horrible as that is. Because the principle of health is here. You’re a body, listen there’s no vaccine, but your body beat it anyway.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: You think about that.

Garrett: That’s interesting. That’s powerful.

Terry Crews: This is, I’m not here to say “Don’t practice social distancing.” I’m doing that right now.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: I’m telling you Covid-19 is real. Be healthy. but but those that did have it and those that have recovered from it, there is no vaccine. You understand. But you got healed anyway and body beat it.

Garrett: Look at your like look at our brains. The fact that the neuroplasticity, is kind of what you’re saying is that the brain can heal.

Terry Crews: It can heal, it can come back. Wait, it can be better than before.

Garrett: That’s what I was going to ask you Terry, cause you said that “It can heal and return to a full state.”, but do you feel like you’re a better… because your book, I loved your book by the way, your book is titled Manhood and the question I have for you, do you feel like you are a better man today because of your addiction to pornography? Do you feel like you’re a better father, a better husband?

Terry Crews: I’m going to say this in a quote that I heard that I’ve been, it’s getting me through this whole quarantine and it says “Sometimes your greatest hopes are destroyed to prepare you for something better.” I’m going to say that one more time. This is anonymous. It’s an anonymous quote. “Sometimes your greatest hopes are destroyed to prepare you for something better.” I am living something better right now.

Garrett: And Terry, look at your career is an example of that as well.

Terry Crews: That’s it. That’s it.

Garrett: The NFL ended and then you were sweeping floors.

Terry Crews: That’s it. But first of all, all I wanted to be was a pro bowl, NFL football player, the whole thing. I had no idea that there was something way in my future at the time I couldn’t see it. I’m trying to say, I didn’t even know that I didn’t know.

Garrett: But you know what I think is powerful? I think the reason why I admire you, Terry Crews is because of, there’s an example that I want to, it was, it was something that you shared and um, you talked about how you went from playing in the NFL and then uh, you went to sweeping and you ended up taking pride in sweeping.

Terry Crews: Yep.

Garrett: And I think that is probably the key moment for you, right? And that’s part of your attitude. That’s key and crucial. Right?

Terry Crews: It was a seismic shift. Like I was, I remember sweeping floor that first, that I was like, “Oh man, this is the worst thing in my life. Oh my God.” I was like, “Let me get in the corners. Let me get the corner a little better.” And you know, this, it could be a little bit over here. And I just was like, you know what? “I’m going to make this floor the cleanest floor you’ve ever seen.” And all of a sudden the focus, the will, the energy, the life. Because you know what, when I find gratitude, thankfulness provides energy. You know what I mean? If… I started to, I was like, “I have this, I’m making $8 an hour and I have this! and I’m going to be thankful for it. In fact, I want to treat it as if I’m getting $20 million for it.” And all of a sudden my life changed dramatically, but if you always do, I’m going to tell you this right now, you have never ever seen a successful, ungrateful person.

You can’t see because the height of your success is equal to the depth of your gratitude.

Garrett: I love that.

Terry Crews: Never forget this. The height of your success is always equal to the depth of your gratitude. If you are not grateful, you could never ever be successful. I’ve seen people who have tons of money because they were ungrateful they couldn’t even enjoy it, but I could enjoy sweeping floors because I was, I, the moment I became grateful and became thankful, and this is the way it is, even after all of this, man, after all, I’ve done and gone through this stuff before to be here, man, and I’m going, this is why I know. I know I’m truly successful because you can’t out great. I can’t. You can’t. There’s never been a man more thankful than I am.

Garrett: That’s awesome.

Terry Crews: I have my wife, I have my family. It did not kill us. You know what I mean? What was meant to destroy us actually became a rocket fuel. You know what I mean? And I could say I’m trying to tell you pornography and the all that affects and the things that is dead, it can now become your rocket fuel to propel you. It’s almost like what they meant to destroy you is now going to be your thing. And I’m determined to turn it into my rocket fuel that’s going to take me and my family to our whole other level.

Garrett: Yeah, that’s powerful. It’s really powerful. Um, as you spoke, Terry, you were talking about how at one point you went from, cause there’s a difference between liking to consume pornography and then wanting to consume pornography. There’s a difference. Right?

Terry Crews: Yes.

Garrett: And you talked about how you wanted to, but you weren’t really enjoying it. Right.

Terry Crews: Yep. Yep.

Garrett: Can you identify, looking back, I know it’s been years and years now, but can you identify when that transition happened from wanting and liking to just wanting?

Terry Crews: You know, I, that, that happened, you know, very, very young because, um, I remember feeling a lot of shame as a teenager when my mother would sneak out and it was telling, my mother caught me. I don’t even read that. I forget. That was a time when she caught me and I remember I was holding the channels and I was looking and she was like, “What are you doing?” I was like, “Oh my God.” And what happened was when you see yourself like that, you are like, “Holy, I’m looking and I’m like, what in the world? My mother knows that I watched that.” You know what I mean? It was like, and then I was like, okay, I don’t like this anymore. But then I still wanted to do it. You see what I mean? I was like, “Okay, I’m shamed, I’m done.” But what happens is with that shame cycle, so in order to get rid of the chain, you find another way to do it again in order to feel better.

And then I realized, “Oh my God, you know, it’s not that I like it. I was like, I have to.” And then S I really rationalized in my heart that I thought all men were like this. I thought every man out there how to double life from my pastor to my teachers. And what was weird is that I would catch a lot of guys at that time, they didn’t double up, which is crazy. Um, and people were going down like flies. You have politicians who are getting caught in these stings, shoot, the Subway guy got caught.

Garrett: Oh yeah, Jared.

Terry Crews: Jared. You know, you know, you look at man, it was when you look at how many people were started going down and like, uh, when you look at what bill Cosby meant to a whole generation and how far he fell, I mean, that’s just, you could say, was it porn? I don’t know. But I do know for a fact that that attitude is the same attitude porn had.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: You know what I mean? Hey, they got, first of all, drugs and porn go together. Like… it’s like the tiger thing, King thing I brought up, he mentioned porn in the tiger King. He used porn and meth to manipulate his relationships. I’m going, “Dude, it goes hand in hand.” Uh, first off, I remember being a young kid and I remember adults in my community that were like, “Hey man, passing out your porn magazines.” I went, listen, you gotta know how deep it gets. And I love this stuff with pornography always like “18 and over.” They love throwing “18 and over” out 18 plus. But I don’t know anybody I have ever seen pornography after 18 years old. I don’t know one person that was not exposed before they were 18 years old. You told that dude, whoever that dude is, it’s like, Oh, because I’m like, where did you, what Island were you on? Because it’s always ways to access it way before you’re 18.

Garrett: Yeah, for sure. Do you talk to your kids about the harmful effects of pornography and sexual exploitation, Terry?

Terry Crews: Big time. Big time. We have this con, we have this talk. It’s a very cool way. I let me say, I admire my son. I admire, we have these deep conversations and I just go to “Man, Oh this is just I, I he’s like my hero.”

Garrett: That connection is special.

Terry Crews: It is. It is because we can talk about it man. I’m like any issues you have, you can talk to me about that. I could tell you where I slipped up and what this was, what this meant. I’m not here to judge you. I’m not here to make you feel bad about anything, man. You can talk to me about anything you are feeling and we have those talks and even with my daughters and I, there was a time when I was coming up and I was in rehab 10 years ago. We had to sit down and have this whole conversation with the whole family about this is my issue, this is what happened to me.

Garrett: Did that scare you?

Terry Crews: Yes. Oh yeah. Big time. I mean, first of all, you know, there was a point where I couldn’t even imagine me talking to them about this stuff right now. Like, but now again with habits and talking and now it’s like I’m talking about going to the store. [laughter]

Garrett: For sure.

Terry Crews: But this conversation that we’re having right now was unthinkable 10 years ago.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: You know what I mean? But this is where we need to get as a society. You know, we need to get to the point where we can talk about healthy sex, healthy sex, what love truly is.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: Like what’s so wild is that you have a whole, you know, the music industry has confused love and sex, big time where people are actually thinking that sex is love and it’s not, in fact what’s so crazy and what a lot of people don’t even understand is that you can absolutely hate someone and have sex with them.

Garrett: That’s true.

Terry Crews: That’s what a lot of pornography is about.

Garrett: It’s a power thing.

Terry Crews: There’s tons of pornography that is… the whole term “revenge porn” or you know, the, the, the whole “rape culture” is built on this, this sort of energy and anger toward women. Where a guy gets rebuffed and he’s now this, this guy who’s looking at women like, “Ah.” the whole purpose is to demean who they are. And I guess I can only speak from a heterosexual male point of view. So if there’s any other angles out there, you’re welcome to find them. But I’m just talking about from what I seen and what, what was kind of like in the circle when you realize the degradation was all about bringing a woman down because they were so high up in your eyes. You know what I mean? It was like, “Okay, you’re not that cute. You’re not this!”

Let me… pornography plays on that. And it plays on because this is the deal. And most men die that heterosexual women is a woman. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

Garrett: For sure.

Terry Crews: And the attempt to actually demean that is to really, they should stay that way in your eyes. You see what I mean? But what happens is with this kind of stuff, it changes you, man. It changes the way you think. It changes everything. And I just, I can’t say it enough because I think that one thing is true is that a lot of therapy tends to tell you what you already know. You know what I mean? And it’s so wild because when you look at things you shouldn’t be looking at, there’s a reason why you feel that way. You know what I mean? There’s things that make you feel bad. There’s a reason why once you’re done looking at pornography, that was just depression.

There is a sadness there is because you know that someone’s sister, that’s someone’s mother. That’s someone. It’s so wild because I got a lot of people who were like, “Hey man, would you let your sister do it? Did you let your mom do it? Would you let your daughter do it?”

Garrett: Right?

Terry Crews: And the whole thing is, no, no, you wouldn’t. And the issue is if, if, if you would not have that happen to anyone you care about, then why are we talking about this for anyone else?

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: Because we should all care for each other as human beings, period.

Garrett: A hundred percent.

Terry Crews: And again, I, I the, the best way I can bring it up is that strip club analogy where it’s like, Oh my God, your unit. That was an eye opener for me because I did not see that woman has all the way human and that is the truth. And that when I had to really examine what I was thinking and how I was thinking, I was like, “Oh my God.” And that if we know that it makes it much easier to resist. You know what I mean? You’re like remembering information. You have the facts, get all the facts. Because now they’re just telling you, “No, man. It’s just love.” They use the terms “love” so loosely, like, “Yeah man, it’s love.” you know, but it’s not, it’s not and it’s, it’s a masquerade. Um, and that’s, that’s what I had to overcome.

Garrett: I think it’s cool. Looking back at the experience when you got, you were assaulted Terry, and you said that your knowledge and understanding empowered you to walk away. And one of the things I hope that this conversation can do for other people is empowered them with knowledge so that they can walk away right from pornography, from consuming repeatedly again and again and again and feeling like they’re trapped.

Terry Crews: You know what’s wild is the guy that assaulted me did not see me as a full human being.

Garrett: He was acting on you.

Terry Crews: Dude, just what I told you I was doing. He was doing to me.

Garrett: That’s interesting.

Terry Crews: Once I, it hit me like that, I was like, “Oh my God, that’s what this is.”

Garrett: Acting on someone else.

Terry Crews: The term is “acting out” and he was acting out as if I was play thing and do it again. If I had not done everything that I was supposed to do, if I had not come to this realization, I would be in jail right now.

Garrett: It would’ve ruined your life.

Terry Crews: It would have ruined my life.

Garrett: That’s wild.

Terry Crews: Everything. My wife was right there. I would have been, and you know what, let me tell you something right now. There are a lot of men in jail right now simply because they were actually getting someone back for something like this.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: But they would never tell you what happened to them. You understand? They’re like, “I killed this guy.” “Well, why’d you do it?” “He deserved it.” “Well, what’d he do?” “I’m going to jail.” And you know what?

Garrett: Why is that?

Terry Crews: Because again, when you talking about the stigmas, the culture, you don’t think about this when you have a, even the term “child prostitute”, it’s a misnomer. There’s no such thing. If you, if you can’t give consent, how are you prostitute?

Garrett: That’s sex trafficking.

Terry Crews: That’s trafficking, dude. But you see the terms.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: You see where obviously they will throw the glue kid in jail and give them the John a warning. You’re talking about judges and with sons and people who are like, “Well, you know, boys will be boys and uh…”, Hey man. Do, when you look at the culture, when you look at all these things that come from the messages that pornography has been giving nonstop for years, it’s so corrupt and toxic.

My God man, you look even like I said, the term child prostitutes makes no sense. That doesn’t make sense. And when we look at what we have to do, we have to stop the game and just talk the info. Tell the truth. Cause again I, I’m never about banning anything. It’s literally just say what it is. You know what I mean? Say what this is happening to you. If this is, this is the reality of what this is. Now you can make a really informed decision as a… and I treat everybody like they’re intelligent. Cause that’s the deal. Cause everybody is and you have to know the information. But what happens is, and when I was a kid, I was manipulated by what I didn’t know all the time. All the time. Gang members manipulate you by what you all know. Drug dealers do the same thing.

You know what I mean? Once the more you know, the more you go, “Oh man, hold on.” Hey man, I’m in Hollywood. This CGI stuff is real. Like if you were to tell me, tell me like “Jurassic park is real.” [laughter] You know, you’d be like, Hey, do you know, but I know that’s green screen man. And first of all in the movies people get shot and they turn around and walk through this app and go home at the end of the day. But in real life you go out there mimicking that. I’m just, just in the terms of a movie, you know what I mean? People are like fighting four or five guys at one time. Hey man, if you see a real fight, it ain’t like that.

Garrett: Nah.

Terry Crews: You know what I mean? And that’s what I’m saying. Well pornography is giving is something that you can sustain. This stuff does not exist. It’s CGI and I’m gonna tell you it’s, it’s so real. Cause again, I want to say this again cause I do. I think it is a good analogy. Is that sexist medicine? Sexist medicine medicines. Good. It’s wonderful man. Good, healthy sex is so redeeming, really powerful, wonderful and invigorating. But man, pornography is heroin. It’s drugs. It’s don’t get crazy in the pharmacy. We got kids loose in the pharmacy, they’re running around, grabbing whatever, taking all kinds of stuff. Man and you can be damaged severely. We gotta get that info out. And I thank you so much for what Fight the New Drug is doing right now.

Garrett: Yeah, absolutely. Um, Terry, you’ve talked a little bit about your wife and what she means to you, what your family means to you. Um, it’s been 10 years since you’ve addressed your challenge with pornography. I just wanted to ask you, what do you do on the daily to show love and appreciation to Rebecca and to your kids?

Terry Crews: You know, one thing we always do, we talk about everything. You know, we sit down, it’s like, “Can we talk?” and we all know the ears perk up. Uh, but I have to, I’ll have to give it to my wife man. Because what’s wild is that she actually had to go to therapy too and…

Garrett: Good for her man. We all need therapy.

Terry Crews: Yeah. I mean there’s a thing where, you know, she had to deal with the portrayal she had to deal with not knowing there was, there was, at first it was like, “Okay, we’re going to stick to the other.” But then all of a sudden it was like there were, there were issues that came up, questions, things that happened with disclosure. I had to tell what I did and where I had messed up and she had questions. She and I had to answer every last one of those questions.

Truthfully. That’s hard, man.

Garrett: Yeah, that’s heavy.

Terry Crews: I’m going to try to tell you God, there were tons of tears. There were times when I would come home and she’d be sitting in the kitchen just in tears and I would just come up behind her and just hug her and we wouldn’t say anything. There was nothing to say, but I knew. I mean, first of all, you’ve been damaged by the person who’s supposed to love you the most.

Garrett: Yeah.

Terry Crews: That’s hard. Hard, hard. But, but what I’ve done, and every day you have to do it by showing, improving. It’s, it’s like we become a bad culture. You know? It’s like “My bad. Oh man. My bad.” You know? And the only analogy I can really bring up is if you hit somebody with your car and you jump out and go “My bad.” and get back in the car and drive away, that’s a hit and run.

Garrett: Right.

Terry Crews: That’s not an apology. What I had to do, I hit my own family. I had to get out of the car and I had to sit with all of them and I had to go to the police station and I had to file a report. Then I had to go to the hospital and then we had to sit there and then I had to bandage them up. Then I had to learn to take them home. I had to push the wheelchairs. I had to bring them home. Are you talking this time? I had to make the soup. I had to feed it to them. I had to. This is the stuff you have to do to make a man correct the problems. Correct the problem. Correct the issue with effort and energy and time and let me tell you something. We all got closer. We all got better.

You understand what I mean?

Garrett: That’s great. And you rebuild that trust. I mean, my wife could have my phone, she could have the computer. Then she got anything. Whatever you want, you can know doors are locked. Walk right in. You understand what I’m saying? Letting you know like, you know where I’m at, how I am, where I am, what I’m watching. Just built. You could look at the history, take my phone at any time, take my computer at any time. You know what I mean? At that level of just openness allows trust to be rebuilt. There’s nothing to hide. She knows me, she knows everything about me and she loves me anyway. I know everything about her and I love her. Anyway.

Garrett: That’s special, man. That’s special.

Terry Crews: See what I mean? That level of intimacy is like, I don’t, I don’t know where I end and she begins.

You know what I mean? So it, it takes time. We’ve been married 30 years, man, 30 years. I’m going to tell you something too. So anybody who ever got divorced, we were definitely headed that way. I’ve never looked at it like, well, you know, “We’re so special. You got it. You didn’t work it out.” First of all, we were on the fence like it. It could’ve went either way. You know what I mean? There could have been, my wife could have been like, that’s it. I’m out. And I would have been like, there you go.

Garrett: Yep.

Terry Crews: I hear you. And I don’t, that’s why I don’t look at anybody who’s ever been divorced as with any type of judgment. But I’m here to tell you that I, that’s why I’m another reason why I’m so grateful because for all intensive purposes we should be good.

Garrett: Yep, for sure.

Terry Crews: We decided it was because of her strength and my decisions to make, to go ahead and do the work that we were able to rebuild our marriage into something better. We have a book coming out later this year we did with Audible called Stronger Together, in the fall. It’s our story. So a lot of people saw Manhood, but this one is her.

Garrett: Oh wow.

Terry Crews: … her take on that whole experience, man.

Garrett: Wow, I love it.

Terry Crews: It’s really be super powerful. We told everything to man, wait, I can’t wait till the world see this. This is kind of like a preview. I’m glad we were able to do this today.

Garrett: Yeah, absolutely. I’ll definitely be using my Audible credit, so thank you.
Terry Crews: [laughter] Yeah, absolutely.

Garrett: Um, but I haven’t read your children’s book though.

Terry Crews: Oh yeah, it’s great man. It’s great. Come Find Me.

Garrett: I need to check that out.

Terry Crews: We’ll throw it out there.

Garrett: Yeah, for sure. Um, and then there’s one more question is the most important question of them all, Terry. And the question is, um, when is White Chicks II coming out? [laughter]

Terry Crews: [laughter] Hey man, first of all, you know, it’s wild because, uh, I don’t even know if that movie can be done today. [laughter]

Garrett: [laughter] Yeah, seriously.

Terry Crews: You know, when you’re looking at a lot of, uh, everybody gets canceled for everything.

Garrett: A little bit cringe-worthy at some point, but it is what it was.

Terry Crews: First of all, it is what is was. I love every character I’ve ever played, so…

Garrett: One hundred percent.

Terry Crews: It’s part of the process. And I talked to Marlon and we try to make something happen.

Garrett: Yeah, you should, man.

Terry Crews: Believe me, I’m staying in shape so I could do White Chicks II. [laughter]

Garrett: There we go, there we go. [laughter] I grew up, I think the first show I remember you in was The Longest Yard, man.

Terry Crews: Oh, that was…

Garrett: “That’s a big ass robot.”

Terry Crews: [laughter] That was good. That was good. I have been given more opportunities to have moments in film that any actor has ever been allowed. I mean, from The Expendables to, you know, to White Chicks to The Longest Yard, even Idiocracy.

You know what I mean? When I play President Comacho and all of people, it’s funny because you know, when I got to be in a, Everybody Hates Chris, which was Chris Rock’s dad. That’s one of the most special series and now to be on Brooklyn Nine-Nine if people are binging it like crazy, it’s like our popularity has grown and grown. I love this cast. I love, listen, Andy Sandberg, Andre Braugher, all the people on this cast are absolutely so, and they’ve been through all this stuff with me. You know what I mean? It’s kind of like we’re going on our eighth season, but they understand. They get me, they love me. They’re like, you know, that’s another thing when you got coworkers to know all your junk and love you anyway too, you know? And it’s so good, man. It’s, it’s where we love each other and we’re going to do season eight really right around the corner. What’s this whole quarantine is over. We’re going to start season eight.

Garrett: We love a Brooklyn Nine-Nine our office, our team. So yeah, we love that. Um, and then I mentioned that I was looking at the buzzer beaters, or excuse me. Not the buzzer beaters, the golden buzzers from AGT. I wanted to ask you, what’s your, do you have a favorite moment as the host of AGT?

Terry Crews: When I pushed the golden buzzer for the Detroit youth choir, um, last year, season 14, I was in tears, man. Uh, because it meant so much to me. All I saw with those little kids and I saw myself as that. And I mean, coming from where they came from, dude, it was one of the most powerful, and now I gotta mention this too, because they didn’t win. They came in second. The Detroit Youth Choir came in second and it was a wonderful show, but the city of Detroit gave them a million dollars anyway, but those who didn’t know community came together and gave them a million dollars. And all those kids got scholarships. They got a new van so they could drive and they got a new facility. I mean they are now world renowned Detroit Youth Choir is performing in front of dignitaries and traveling all over the world. It’s so incredible, man. I, I couldn’t be more proud. I don’t watch the confidence of these kids dude. But wait to see the 15. We’ve got something for you right now, man. We’ve been filming it. Oh, I got, it’s going to be so good. It’s going to be really, really good. But that was my favorite moment on AGT.

Garrett: That’s great. Well Terry, we appreciate you because you’re always spreading positivity and um, that’s what we love about you. That’s why the world is definitely a better place because of Terry Crews because of Rebecca Crews. So we just want to say thank you for joining us today. Um, I was going to give you the last word to, to kind of tell you how us, how we can support you. Um, but once again, I think we’ve talked about that and let’s go check out Brooklyn Nine-Nine, AGT, hit Terry up on, on social. Um, yeah. Terry, let us know what we can do for you. We’re definitely team Terry Crews, so…

Terry Crews: Hey man, I’m team Fight the New Drug, all the way. You see, I got my tee shirts where I’m proud I wear them proudly.

Garrett: For sure.

Terry Crews: And I love it. It’s just what you guys do. It’s a, it’s amazing you’re changing the world, man.

Garrett: Hey Terry, do you think, uh, if I sent you a link to our documentary, would you take a moment and watch that?

Terry Crews: I would love to. Thank you. Thank you. I would love to see it.

Garrett: Okay, cool. I’ll send that over to you.

Terry Crews: All right. You got it. My man. I’m glad you reached out. Thank you.

Garrett: For sure. Thanks for making this happen. Terry. You’re the man.

Terry Crews: You got it my man. God bless you.

Garrett: Take care.

[inaudible]

Garrett: Thanks for joining us on this episode of Consider Before Consuming, Consider Before Consuming is brought to you by fight the new drug. If you’d like to learn more about today’s guest Terry crews, you can check the links attached to this episode. This entire collaboration with Terry cruise happened because he was wearing one of our shirts during a video he published on his social media. If you wanting to help change the conversation, wearing merchandise is a great way to do that. We invite you to check out our merch at FTND.org/store. That’s FTND.org/store. We also invite you to follow Terry’s lead and watch our three part documentary Brain, Heart, World. You can watch it free at BrainHeartWorld.org. That’s BrainHeartWorld.org. Big thanks to you for listening to this conversation. As you go about your day, we invite you to increase your self awareness. Look both ways, check your blind spots and consider before consuming.

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