Introduction (00:01):
Hey listeners. Today’s episode of Consider Before Consuming is an excerpt from our recent conversation with Alex and Candice Diaz. As part of our efforts to educate individuals on the harms of pornography using only science, facts and personal accounts, we’ve had the opportunity to sit down with amazing people, often in their own homes and listen to their stories of trauma and recovery.

(00:24):
Alex and Candice Diaz are a couple whose marriage was brought to the brink due to Alex’s consumption of pornography. Over the course of five years. They struggled together as Alex tried to find recovery from what can best be described as an addiction. And Candice suffered from betrayal, trauma and body image issues after much pain therapy and setbacks. Alex is well on the road to recovery and Candice is finding new strength in sharing their experiences with the world.

(00:51):
We asked them why they chose to be open about their story and what advice they would give to couples who may find themselves in a similar situation. This audio clip is not their complete story. Alex and Candice were previously featured on Consider Before Consuming on episode 70 and 71. Fight The New Drug will be releasing full video stories featuring Alex and Candice in the future, detailing more of their personal experiences.

(01:17):
In the meantime, we hope you take the next few minutes to find some inspiration from a couple whose lives have forever been changed by pornography.

Candice (01:29):
I am very open about this because I want other couples to find hope and to know that they’re not alone, and especially for women to know that what they’re feeling is, real pain and that they don’t have to struggle alone because it’s very isolating, especially with everyone’s views on this. So yeah,

Alex (01:54):
Candice especially has been so open about it cuz she’s online and she’s created an Instagram account about this and so it’s this, her doing that has brought us these opportunities that wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t done that. And so she’s been inspiring to me to be willing to be open, and do these kind of things. And so for me, I feel also a strong desire to share with others. So it’s just kind of a, a new passion of ours. Mm-hmm, I’m excited to see where it goes and who we can help

Candice (02:25):
If you’re gonna go through this as a couple, to really be open-minded to the other one’s experience. for us, there were so many like hard conversations and awful experiences because we couldn’t see past what we were feeling, our experience. And when you’re able to see each other’s perspective, even though it hurts and it’s hard, it’s so much easier to find healing and understanding and to see that it’s not me against you, it’s, it’s us against pornography. It makes us more of a team.

Alex (03:06):
Yeah, I would totally echo that. Just, trying your best to understand the other person’s perspective and how it’s difficult for them to,

Candice (03:16):
So learning from our mistakes, if I can go back and share with us, or if you’re struggling with this as a couple. I would say to not react in emotion, or make any big decisions in emotion because so many times there’s a lot of heavy emotions that come with this. Having to tell your partner something or hearing what has happened. And there were so many times where there was nothing good would come out of talking when we’re both feeling that way. And I know many things have been said when we have been in that trauma fight or flight spa response. And so I would say just take time to when you talk, take a step back and be, you’re allowed to feel your feelings, but maybe, take a break before continuing talking. And for us, it was really helpful to do a nightly check-in, because as we did that I wouldn’t have to wait for him to be like, Hey, I had a relapse. Or he wouldn’t have so much anxiety about one to tell me when we knew we were gonna talk about it every day. We, it was just kind of expected, okay, we’re gonna talk about it tonight no matter what. And it was really good for us. The anxiety wasn’t there as much.

Alex (04:46):
Yeah, those, that was great. Those are, those things have helped us so much. You know, being open and honest and just like you said, you know, daily check-in is something that we practice and continue to practice now that it gives you an opportunity to talk about where you’re at emotionally, mentally, sexually and recovery and without having to only talk about it when there’s a slip up. Like you’re, you know, just like, cuz it, that’s what it became was just like, we only talk about this when it’s bad and so why, why not talk about it every day when it’s good. Stop at the victories.

Candice (05:21):
Yeah. Cuz there were many times in our story where we felt like completely hopeless. Like it was impossible to heal or find the other side of it. So it’s cool to be able to do that together and to help others see that.

Alex (05:36):
Yeah.

Candice (05:37):
I guess for me, like the tools and things that we learned through healing, has helped me to be a better mother to understand from my kids’ point of view. I, through our experience, I definitely had to learn to not only see my experience, that there can be two truths. It’s not just my way or their way. It’s like these two things could be true. Like, I feel pain from his actions. He’s not causing trying to cause me pain. He has his own issues, but both are true. so for me, when I meet people or just being a my kids, I just try to think like, what are they experiencing and how can I show up for them? I mean, it’s interesting because we experience the same thing, but we have totally different experiences and I had to work through a lot of things. And I know that if you didn’t choose healing that I would never have been able to see your true self. Mm-hmm. . And that is the only reason we’re still here is because I could finally see the real you and how you would really treat me and respect me. Yeah.

Alex (06:52):
Yeah. If it wasn’t for you, if you weren’t, you know, wanting me to recover and wanting to heal, then I wouldn’t have chosen this path. I’ve, my whole life I’ve wanted to, and I’ve always like not agreed with the practice of pornography, but just like your total disdain towards pornography in that practice and me needing to heal is what pushed me to get the help I needed. So, so thank you.

Closing (07:26):
To hear other stories of hope and recovery, Consider Before Consuming has over 80 episodes featuring experts and individuals sharing their thoughts and expertise about pornography. In addition, Fight The New Drug has produced several videos which can be found on our YouTube channel. Simply search for Fight the New Drug on YouTube to learn more about pornography’s harmful effects using science, facts and personal accounts.

(07:50):
Fight The New Drug is a non-religious and a non legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science, facts and personal accounts.

(08:06):
Consider Before Consuming is made possible by listeners like you. If you’d like to support Consider Before Consuming, you can make a one-time or recurring donation of any amount ftnd.org/support. That’s F-T-N-D.O-R-G forward slash SUPPORT.

(08:25):
Thanks again for listening. We invite you to increase your self-awareness, look both ways, check your blind spots and consider before consuming.