Former Porn Performer & Anti-Porn Activist
Trigger Warning: This discussion includes explicit descriptions and suicide ideation that may be triggering to some. Listener discretion is advised.
Joshua Broome grew up in a small town in South Carolina where he started his modeling career. After a short stint in college, he moved to Los Angeles, California, to become a full-time model and actor. Eventually, he found his way into the porn industry, performing in over 1,000 pornographic films and winning several awards, including Best Male Performer of the Year. After more than five years in the porn industry, Joshua is now a passionate anti-porn advocate, husband, and father. In this episode, we discuss how Joshua ended up in the porn industry, why he left, and what he’s up to now.
Disclaimer: Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative awareness and education organization. While our guest on this episode discusses religion, Fight the New Drug is not religiously-affiliated.
FROM THIS EPISODE
- Watch Joshua’s Video
- Article: Joshua’s Story: Why I Left The Porn Industry After Winning Awards And Performing In Over 1,000 Films
- Article: This Anonymous Performer’s Reddit Post About The Realities Of The Porn Industry Is Chilling
- Article: 10 Ex-Porn Performers Reveal The Brutal Truth Behind Their Most Popular Scenes
- Article: 5 Male Ex-Performers Share What It’s Really Like To Do Porn
- Watch our documentary, Brain, Heart, World
Fight the New Drug Ad: Hey listeners, you’re invited to the club, Fighter Club that is. If you’re looking for a way to become a more active part of this movement, consider joining Fighter Club. For as little as $10 a month, you can create a real impact by supporting our efforts to educate and raise awareness on the harms of porn. Plus by joining, you can get insider info, 30% off all Fight the New Drug’s conversations-starting gear, access to our secret store, and an exclusive Fighter Club kit sent to you when you sign up. Join fighter club today at FTND.org/fc. That’s FTND.org/fc. See you in the club.
Garrett Jonsson: My name is Garrett Jonsson, and you’re listening to Consider Before Consuming, a podcast by Fight the New Drug. And in case you’re new here, Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects, using only science, facts, and personal accounts. We want these conversations to be educational, uplifting, and hopeful. As we sit down with experts, influencers, activists, and people with personal accounts that cover a wide variety of topics that may be triggering to some, you can refer to the episode notes for specific trigger warning- listener discretion is advised.
Today’s episode is with Joshua broom. He’s a former performer who made over 1,000 adult films. He was once named the top male performer of the year. He grossed well over $1 million and then decided to leave the industry. During this conversation, we discuss how he ended up in the industry, what it was like performing, why he left, and what he’s up to now. With that being said, let’s jump into the conversation. We hope you enjoy this episode of Consider Before Consuming.
Joshua Broome: Alright.
Garrett Jonsson: Sounds like we’re all setup there.
Joshua Broome: Victory! [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for your patience. Um, do you want to go by Josh or Joshua?
Joshua Broome: So it doesn’t matter to me. Uh, anytime anyone asked me that, um, so growing up, my mom was like a huge stickler for that. So if anyone ever asked me that question, I always say “Joshua”, because I would get whacked in the back of the head if I said otherwise. So, um, to honor my mother, I don’t think I could say anything other than Joshua.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter] Okay, awesome.
And you don’t mind that your name is out there, correct? You don’t want this to be anonymous?
Joshua Broome: So ultimately like my hope is that I can have a different conversation than most people have had just because I’ve had my foot in a rooms that some people haven’t and just the reality behind that is, um, I guess it just, it, it just provides a really unique opportunity and I really want to that influence to lead people out of that… lead, to lead people out of that lifestyle. So that’s something that’s really important to me. So well, long answer, uh, could be a lot shorter. Yes. Uh, my using my name is, is absolutely fine.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Awesome. I love to hear your intention too. So thanks for sharing.
Joshua Broome: Yeah, absolutely. So it was crazy. So I randomly, so like about three months ago, I just like woke up in the middle of the night and I was like, I think I’m just gonna share my story on Tik ToK. I’m not sure why I decided to do that, but that’s what I did. And then I woke up and it had 6 million views. So I was like “Whaaaat?!”
Garrett Jonsson: How did I not know this?
Joshua Broome: Yeah. So like, and um, I mean, my, my page is a collection of random stuff. Um, and advocating against pornography by using, you know, “here’s who I was.” And the, the thing about it is, so I didn’t realize this. So I was in a meme that was pulled from a pornography movie in that meme has been shared over 100 million times across all social media platforms. And it started, it started as a Vine, but it’s like this thing where like, it’s this, it was just this like horrific movie that was just like so lame. And it was all improv. And it’s so funny because like, I, I went to school like initially for theater and I was passionate about acting and modeling and all that stuff. And like improv is something that, you know, I, I pride myself on having like good improbability and that’s just something that allowed me to be successful and that in, you know, in that field. And they’re like, “Okay, so I don’t, we’re not sure exactly what you want to say, but you know, she’s a lifeguard, you’re in a bathtub. Like just make it funny.” And she runs in and ultimately she’s like, she’s to save me. And she’s like, “There’s shark in the water.” And I was like, “This isn’t a beach. This is a bathtub.”
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: And like, that’s the meme and it’s, it’s, uh, it’s been, yeah, it’s been shared like over a hundred million times.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. That is wild.
Joshua Broome: But that’s ultimately the reason that I hopped on Tik ToK, because it had been, it was like one of the, like top 10 names of last year. But I guess it’s been popular for a long time because when I got on there, when I got on there, like, “Oh my gosh, you’re that guy.”
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: And I just assumed it was like, “You knew me from like adult films.”, but like, no, like, like a lot of people remember like, like know me from like films, but like everyone says something about it is that it’s that stupid meme. I’m like, “Whatever.” you know, like whatever that will create momentum, I will use it as leverage to get my message across.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Is it okay that I’m laughing a little bit?
Joshua Broome: Oh, it’s funny. Absolutely.
Garrett Jonsson: Okay.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. I mean, I’m, I’m like while it’s a serious and detrimental thing, it’s like, it was something I did. And I think that, um, for anyone not to, uh, use their past as a learning opportunity and, uh, just something to grow from, but yeah, it’s, it’s, it is what it is. And I, I think that’s pretty funny in certain, in certain regards, you know what I mean?
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: Like it is at the same time, like, you know, like that industry and my path like causes, uh, a ton of heartache and pain over the past. But, um, it’s, it’s, it’s all my story, you know?
Garrett Jonsson: Right. I know that we’re jumping ahead here, but I just want to acknowledge that leaving the porn industry can be a very challenging transition. And you’ve accomplished a lot since leaving the industry. You’re raising a family, you’ve done a lot of personal training, you also have owned gyms. How did you end up in gym ownership after leaving the porn industry?
Joshua Broome: So I, I played basketball. Well, I played sports like my whole life and, um, just, and I dabbled in personal training. And then that was like, to be completely honest, like I kind of looked at my life and I was like, “Okay, I’ve been in porn for almost five, you know, five plus years I’ve. So I’ve been in porn, I’ve acted, modeled. Um, and I worked in a few restaurants, so like, other than that, like my, my resume doesn’t exist. So what have I done? Or can I do that would be, um, you know, w what, what, what could I possibly do to provide myself?” like, “Okay, I know what I don’t want to do. Um, any type of soliciting of myself sexually anymore. I know I don’t want to do that. Um, but I, I know that I need to do something, uh, what can I do?”
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: And, uh, personal training was that thing. And I like, ultimately, like started working for this, you know, this person like hired me and I was like, I’ll clean the bathrooms. I’ll do whatever. I don’t care. I was like, just please give me as many hours as possible. And I put in the work I put in the work. And, um, I was really fortunate because the leadership of that gym saw potential in me, even though that I did not show integrity in the beginning. Cause I did not tell him about my past. And it came to the surface, which was a very common theme for me, that in that period. And they chose to continue to allow me to work there. And they really like came alongside me and just like, and loved me. And, uh, in spite of my dishonesty, um, because sometimes not telling the full truth is just as bad as not telling the truth.
But, um, anyway, they just kinda held my hand and like I grew and I grew and I grew, and like, I started making a name for myself in regards, like as a, as a personal trainer and started doing really well financially. And then I had the opportunity to take over a gym as far as being a general manager at a facility. And then I worked there for about a year. And then, uh, like in that period, I’d met my wife and we got engaged and we decided to together open a gym and then we opened another bigger gym. And then, um, in the middle of that, I kind of decided that I wanted to go into ministry and I left to do my own.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow.
Joshua Broome: And here we are now.
Garrett Jonsson: What a journey.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. My life is freaking weird.
Garrett Jonsson: It’s awesome, man.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. So I was like, I have to, so I’ve been writing a book for a year and I’m done with it, but the issue is stuff keeps happening to me.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: I was like, I need to include this. And as I is, I included it kinda like messes messes with the flow of the book. Then I have to like critique other aspects of it because also my book is about, this was, this was my life growing up, kind of like what we’re about to talk through. This was my life growing up. This was my time in the adult industry. Uh, this was the detriment and the mental and emotional anguish that was caused by the adult industry. Here are some next step things to do to avoid or get out of pornography or any other addiction or any other substance that you were, or any other, uh, behavior that you are partaking in, that you are willing to acknowledge. That is not good for you and you don’t want to do it. So honesty, boundaries, accountability.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s awesome. Well, can we jump into your experience a little bit, your, your life story.
Joshua Broome: Let’s do it, bro.
Garrett Jonsson: we’re gonna, we’re gonna talk about your entire life in about an hour.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: So that’s not going to be challenging at all.
Joshua Broome: Yeah, let’s do it.
Garrett Jonsson: The name of the podcast is Considered Before Consuming and we try to put forth information that, um, our audience can listen to and consider before consuming pornography.
Joshua Broome: Right.
Garrett Jonsson: And, uh, so, uh, like I mentioned earlier, we feel fortunate to be able to have a conversation with you today. Um, jumping into your experience, uh, we’ve talked a little bit about your childhood and the dynamics there. Um, what was your first experience like with pornography early on in your life?
Joshua Broome: Yeah, so I think the first time I probably saw like a movie or a magazine, I was 13 or 14 at my cousin’s house. And, um, I remember just seeing it and then, you know, just feeling weird about it. Not knowing like what was going on with my body, you know, is this feels wrong, but I like what I see. Um, and, and like in that was kinda, that was kinda it for a while. And then, um, I, like we had, I guess my cousin and I, again, like we found a, like a video of, I don’t know if it was like his dad’s or what, but we found this video and we watched it and like, he was like, um, “You should take it.” or whatever. And I took it home with me and I would watch it like here and there, but, um, it’s just a weird thing. Like, it definitely like intrigued me, but I don’t know, but yeah. So 13, 14 was probably the first time that I’ve seen anything.
Garrett Jonsson: Right. Did your porn consumption escalate from when you first saw it to getting the video? Um, did it escalate from there in regards to like more frequency or longer durations or types of pornography?
Joshua Broome: Yeah, so it, like, with me, it was the, like the, I, I craved as I started, like to want to watch it. And then, um, I think one of the things like with consuming pornography, um, it’s all about the high and you like, regardless of the substance, whatever you’re consuming, you’re always gonna want more or something stronger or something different. And it being new and unique to me. Like that was the thing I craved. So I didn’t want to see the same thing over and over again. So I was like, okay, how can I, how can I, you know, obviously I can’t, you know, go out and buy something at 14, 15, whatever, um, you know, how, how can I consume this? And then, so I’m gonna kind of share my age on this, but I, you know, uh, that, you know, this is still when like, dial up was a thing. [laughter]
And I remember like trying to like download stuff online wire, and it would be, you would take, like, it would take like 30, 45 minutes to download a one minute video. Um, cause like I lived in like the boondocks in South Carolina and the internet that we had wasn’t great. So I remember I would, I would, you know, spend forever downloading this thing and I would, you know, I would, I would start downloading it in the middle of the night so that it would be downloaded by the morning so I could hide the file. So I could look at it like when I go home from school, um, before like my mom got home. So…
Garrett Jonsson: It was all strategically planned out.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So it, but for me it was the, the availability, the failure, the availability on the internet and, uh, allowing me to see something new over and over again, um, was the thing that I craved.
Garrett Jonsson: And did you notice that pornography was having negative impacts on your life early on or were you kind of oblivious to those?
Joshua Broome: Uh, I think at that age I was probably oblivious to it, but it did. I think looking back on it, it definitely affected my expectations of like relationships with girls. So just like, “This is what I’m watching. So, you know, I I’m, I’m assuming that…”, you know, hand-holding is supposed to lead to this, supposed to lead to that. And it just like, it, it was a natural proxy of things. It wasn’t, um, at what, that wasn’t anything that was special or deserving of, you know, any kind of, uh, extensive commitment to one another. It was just, this makes sense because of what I see, I, you know, I, I put this in my mind and this is just what made sense. And I think for me, the, the biggest thing that confused me about pornography is that I didn’t have anything to reference it, because I did not grow up seeing a man and a woman be intimate. Like, I, I like, I didn’t like any interaction.
Garrett Jonsson: Right. Like not even non-sexual contact.
Joshua Broome: Yeah, yeah. Just like literal, like, you know, human interaction and like, like inter entrepreneur, interpersonal relationships, like with, you know, husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, like that was just something I, I wasn’t exposed to, like my grandmother and grandfather were together, but you know, like my grandfather, he, he had a personal relationship with fishing and that’s what he did every single day. Like every single, every single day. Because my, my mom, I grew up in my grandparents home. So my mom had me when she was 16. Um, I’ve probably seen my, I’ve probably been in the same room as my dad, 10 times, my whole life. And, um, he, he fished all the time. Like he was, he was great. He was funny is, you know, taught me how to fish, like great, great, great man. Um, but just, I guess like for me, like they were just at that point in their lives where they were not interested in being like a romantic in any way, like they slept in different bedrooms.
They didn’t like, you know, like didn’t sit beside each other and you know what I mean? Like, um, so that would be the only thing that the only relationship that would have been something for me to glean from, or to gain any kind of understanding from. But, um, other than that, like the only, the only other thing that was imprinted on me was the relationship that my mom had with her, like she got married when I was seven and that lasted for a few years and he was very abusive and he was a drug addict. And like one of the main things I can remember of him. Yeah. Anything I can remember him, it’s like, nothing was, I don’t have any good memories about him. So…
Garrett Jonsson: Looking back, do you think that’s, that’s one of the main reasons you would turn to pornography and did you feel neglected as a kid, or lonely, or sad?
Joshua Broome: I, I didn’t. So I never felt neglected or anything to that regard. Cause my mom was incredible.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. She sounds amazing based off the work ethic that I heard.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. And just like, and just things like, I, things that I can appreciate as an adult now, just like I always had J’s on my feet.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: I always, like, I always had the opportunity to go to different basketball camps.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s cool.
Joshua Broome: But while we were, you know, at times living in government housing and had food stamps and somehow like my mom would like work extra hours or like do like work at the farmer’s market or like whatever, like somehow some way, like no matter what…
Garrett Jonsson: What the champion.
Joshua Broome: I would never like, like I didn’t have a luxurious childhood by any means, but I can not remember ever my mom saying “I can’t do this because we didn’t have enough money.” And we sh that’s something she very well could, could have said.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah, that’s neat.
Joshua Broome: But, but, but to answer your question, um, I do think that it was a, it kind of opened up a window for like this, this is a type of intimacy and this is a type of affirmation that I am kinda like receiving from myself. And it’s making, it’s, it’s filling this gap that I have in inside of me. That’s like, I’m longing for something that I don’t currently have. So that, that from me consuming that all of a sudden I had this desire that I didn’t know that I could have. And that was kind of feeding that, that void that I had.
Garrett Jonsson: Did you have anyone to talk to about your porn consumption or did you feel a need to ever talk to anyone about your porn consumption early on?
Joshua Broome: No. I mean, I, I just thought it was something that like, like, I don’t know, like for, for me, I just thought, you know, I, I knew like I saw it as something that was “bad”, but not something that was, um, something that I needed to talk to people about. So I was like, I know, like for me, like it, because you were supposed to be 18 to watch it or buy it. So it may, like, it was bad to me because like cigarettes or alcohol, like I I’m too young to understand how to consume it. So I’m not supposed to partake in it, but I’m doing it anyway. So it felt it was wrong to me from a legality standpoint. So it felt bad because I felt like I shouldn’t be doing it, but I never thought it was something that I needed to talk to anyone about it.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Did you experience any shame around your consumption?
Joshua Broome: Uh, I mean, at that time, I don’t, I don’t think so. Like if I, if I did, uh, I mean, I think instinctually, like you’re like, especially like as a teenager, like maybe I didn’t have the self-awareness to like put this together, but the fact that I would download these videos in the middle of the night and then hide them and then consume them in hiding, like, like that should have been, “Okay, this is not something that I should be doing, or maybe this is not something that is good for me.”, just because, um, anything that you need to do in hiding generally is not good for you. So, um, but I, I guess I just didn’t have the maturity or the self-awareness
Garrett Jonsson: And you were jumping forward. You were in the, I think you mentioned you were in the porn industry for five years, is that correct?
Joshua Broome: Yeah. That’s a big, yeah. Big jump. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter] Yeah. The reason why I say that is because I was going to ask, how did, at what point did you go from consuming pornography to like, imagining, like “I could do this.”
Joshua Broome: So honestly it was, so that really never crossed my mind. So, um, I went to college, I joined a fraternity. I was like the guy, like I had this nickname. Um, Mr. Pants was by nickname because, um, they said like, “If I walked in the room, girls pants would fall off.” Like ridiculous. But, um, it just, I was just like this womanizing just idiot. And I just, I sought after like the, the affirmation that I needed for myself, both by girls wanting me and me hooking up with them, that they kind of like fed this insecurity/ego type thing. And, um, I started modeling when I was 15, around 14, 15. I had a lot of success in that. And as my career progressed, you know, in college, I, I wanted to go into acting, but theaters really hard theaters, hard colleges in itself is hard.
And, um, I was having legitimate success and I just thought, “Hey, I, I, I feel like I’m just gonna…” like, honestly, I’m kinda crazy in this way, because like, when I decided to do something, there’s like, nothing can stop me. So I decided one day, um, that I was going to drop out of college and I was going to move to Los Angeles and become a professional model and actor, and I was having a lot of success. So why not? Like, “Why, why, why couldn’t I do that?” So at the, um, it, at the advice that I not do it for my, for my mom, she, um, because she fought so hard for me to, you know, get an education and, you know, go to college and whatnot.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: Um, but again, um, she, she, she always was loving and supportive of me, even though I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but, I…
Garrett Jonsson: That’s cool. That’s the definition of parent, I think.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. Yeah. She continued, she continued to fight for me. Um, even when I was fighting against myself, it’s, uh, she’s amazing. But, um, yeah, so I sold some stuff and I moved there and my expectation was, um, “I would be Brad Pitt in two weeks.” Like I was like, that’s honestly like how egotistical and, um, blinded by my pride, and my insecurities. I was like, I thought, um, every audition that I went on, I’d been, I’d become, you know, I got the part or I got the job or whatever. So it’s like, everything was like in that realm was being handed to me. And I was like, “Why, why could I not be successful in that regard?” So I move out there and I’m having a little bit of, a little bit of success and, you know, I spent the first several weeks just going on auditions, getting pictures done, doing, you know, meeting up with photographers, like doing like this, doing that.
And, um, again, yeah, very immature. So I didn’t think, “Hey, you need to take that money that you currently have, pay a deposit on an apartment, and get somewhere to live.” No, I was staying in a nice hotel and, and just, uh, kept going to these things and all of a sudden, my bank account, started to run out. And all of a sudden, um, my card was declined and I was like, “Oh gosh, what am I going to do now?” Um, and I don’t know, like, I, I, I always had this just like almost this negligence for like, “I can’t be defeated” or like, I felt invincible. So like, so, uh, that I don’t have any money or anyone in to live. It’ll be fine, like, who cares? And, um, I was homeless for a little bit. And, um, I, a guy I’d met, like at one of the, um, I don’t know if it was at, like at a club or whatever.
We became friends like on social media. And, um, I just mentioned, and I was like, “Is there any way I can crash at your house?” And he was like, “Sure.” And I kinda like, I guess, like in a drunken stupor, I was like, dude, I spend money. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Like, hopefully, like I bought, like I get, because like some of the jobs like you do, like with modeling and acting, it’s like, it’s not like you get, like, they don’t hand you money at the end of the day.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: It’s sometimes, it’s weeks before you get paid.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: So I had money on the way, but like nothing in my pocket. So I was just like, “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” And he’s like, “Dude, just like you can crash here. Um, I work part-time at this bar. Um, that’s a steakhouse also. Like if you, if you want to, like, you know, I can get you a job pretty easily.” And I go, and the place is called Saddle Ranch. And, um, if you live in Hollywood, like, you know where this place is because you, it is the place where if you’re not 21, you can get into and you can party because, um, the caveat is if you order food, you can get in. So anywhere else you gotta be 21 to get into this place. If you’re willing to order some wings or whatever, all of a sudden you can get a table. And if you get a table, you just cash out your check and then stay. And all of a sudden you’re in a bar.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: Um, so it was really, really popular place. They anyway, um, he got me a job there and I started working there and like day one started making really good money, like, you know, between three to $500 a night in tips.
And I’m like, “This is great.” And like, “This is going to like, allow me to continue to do what I want to do.” And in the middle of that process, I, I was in a circle of friends where like a lot of people were really successful and no matter what success I achieved along the way, I always, I always like, didn’t feel like I was good enough. And I can, I think a really good lesson to take away from is like, if you compare your success to those around you, you will never appreciate your success or feel successful because you don’t have what you see and you can’t even appreciate what you do have. So that was kind of my deal. It was like I was doing okay. Um, actually I was doing pretty well probably compared to some people, but I wasn’t doing as well as the friends in my circle.
So I was like, I was always like looking to do something else. Like “How could I get, you know, more opportunities? How can I be better? How can I make more money? How can I like do cooler stuff?” Like “I want what everybody else has.” And just, I think like that comes from being really insecure, but long story short, um, there was a group of girls that were sitting at a table and I was waiting on them and they were like, “Hey, have you ever thought about being an actor?” I was like, “Well, actually I am an actor.” They were like, “No, uh, adult acting, you know, adult films.” I was like, “I don’t know how old you think I am. I’m over 18.” And, um, they’re like, “No, dummy. Um, we’re talking about pornography.” I was like, “What?” Yeah. Like “What do you mean?”
Like, “We do porn.” I’m like, “Oh, cool. So what do you, what are you, what are you saying?” “You should do porn.” I was like, “Right. Yeah. That makes sense. Um…”, they were like, “No, seriously, you should come meet our agent.” And I was like, “Sure, I’ll come meet your agent.”, you know, whatever. And, um, and I, I assumed, I was like, cause like, really, like, I just wanted to hook up with those girls. So it’s like, whatever, you know, whatever you say. Sure. And they were like, no, like, come meet our agent. And, um, I assumed that I was going to meet this person that was like in a motel six, like a roach motel. Like, I don’t know, like I just had this like, perception, like that porn was dirty. So I like, like this whole, like, or like this, like this process was going to be weird.
And I get to w I go to Studio City, which is like a suburb of Hollywood. It’s like North of Hollywood. And I get to this place kind of like adjacent from, uh, Universal Studios. And it’s like this giant, like business center. And we go into this hotel, they go into this like private parking lot, and it has like Porsche’s, and Ferrari’s, and Beamers everywhere. And we go into this private elevator and we’d go up this elevator. And, um, then we get out and then we walked down this hallway and at the end of this hallway, there’s this like giant office. And we opened the door and there’s this huge desk. And behind this desk is this bald English guy. And it’s like the nicest three piece suit that, you know, it was like Gucci or something. I don’t know. But, and just like so intimidated and just like, “What is going on?”
Like, “This is your agent?” And, um, he ultimately told me, “Hey, um, I’ll cut right to the chase. There’s not a lot of good looking guys in the industry. And, uh, industry is turning to bigger films and those bigger films require the ability to act and portray, you know, people to do improv, to understand how to read a script, um, to do all this stuff, you know, from my understanding, you have this ability to do that, if that is true, um, between that, and you being a, an attractive guy, you’ll be very successful. And I think you can be as successful as you want to be, if you can do the job. So if you’re interested, I would like to get you a scene to do. And then if it goes, well, I would like to talk about representing you.” And that was like “What? A scene, a scene? What, what is, what is all this?”
And then, um, I get home and then he calls me and he’s like, so if you want to continue to pursue this, um, I need you to go and get, um, uh, you know, there was this place that you would go and get a full panel, STD and AIDS test, and, you know, to, to keep the data, um, consistent. Everyone went to the same place. So I went there and got my blood drawn and peed in a cup, and it was supposed to come back the next morning and it did not. And that was one of many, many times that there was an opportunity for me to do not do the dumb thing that I was going to do. But, um, my persistence prevailed and the next day it came back and they were really insistent on me being the person that did this, uh, this scene. And I showed up on set with my test and they’re like, “Um, so, uh, the way it’s going to go is, you know, you’re going to come to this room and, um, you know, just get to it. And we’ll kind of guide you as we go.” And I was like, “What’s happening?” And I felt this like sick stomach, like sick feeling in my stomach. Like, it was like excitement, but no, like I knew clearly that this was a bad decision.
Garrett Jonsson: Interesting.
Joshua Broome: Like I just, I just felt like it was one of those things that like, once I did it, uh, it was either going to go one way or the other, I was gonna, I was gonna do it. It was going good, good, terrible. And I was going to be, I was going to feel humiliated or it was going to go well, and it was going to change my life and the, the other happened. So it went really well and it changed my life. So I did that one film. I signed a contract with that agent, that agent just happened to be, you know, he, he only represented a handful of guys. And, um, it was the biggest agency in the United States. And one, one film turned into, I did, I think 150 that first year. And then every year after that, I did well over 200.
And then, you know, after five years I had w I’d been nominated for best male porn star, and I’ve won it one time and won all these awards and travel all over the world. And I’d done, I’d done a thousand movies and I was all over Showtime and HBO and I, there were sex shops that I had, you know, my pictures were all over toys and movies and covers up things and on billboards in Vegas and all this stuff. And all of a sudden I had somehow become one of the top five male porn stars in the world.
Garrett Jonsson: Did your, you said that before that first scene, you knew that it was a, a poor decision.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: Did that, did that feeling go away after the first scene, or did you have that continuous throughout the five years?
Joshua Broome: Um, so I’ll say probably the first year it was, it, it slowly the guilt and the nervous and the nerves and the, uh, all the other feelings that went along with it kinda went away. And the, the more numb I came to, what it was, the less, I felt conflicted by it. So, you know, eventually whether it was… regardless of what kind of sex act it was, it, it was just a transaction to me. A handshake was sometimes more personal than having sex.
Garrett Jonsson: That makes sense.
Joshua Broome: Because like, the thing about a handshake is like, you know, both people have to willingly participate and, and in that, like, um, like they were, they were definitely times where, like, there were girls that, um, they were willing to be there, but you could tell like mentally and emotionally, they were checked out. If that makes sense.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Joshua Broome: Like they put on the face, they said the words, they did the thing, but, uh, you could just feel like you could see in their eyes and on their face, like, like in-between scenes that like, “I’m willing to be here. I know what I’m doing, but I wish I was somewhere else.”
Garrett Jonsson: How did you cope with that? All the, all the negativity and these, these emotions that have negative impacts?
Joshua Broome: Like for, for, for a guy, for a male performer in the industry, like the whole day is riding on you. So like, if you, if you don’t perform right, if you don’t, if you don’t do the job that you’re there to do, it’s all on you because, um, the girl’s going to get paid no matter what, the location that was rented is gonna, that’s going to get paid no matter what the crew that is there at working is going to get paid no matter what. So there’s a, you know, there’s, there’s a camera crew there sound there’s, you’re, you’re renting a home or you’re, you’re renting studio time. Um, the girl is going to get paid, um, all that, you know, they may, if you’re, if you’re shooting, if you’re utilizing like natural light, you know, there’s only so much daylight, there’s, you know, everything’s happening per day.
So like, there’s so much pressure on you to perform. So like, for me, like from a, like, um, I I’m, I’m really into like Myers-Briggs and like personality types and things like that. So just like, for me, like my number one strength is like achiever. And for me, um, it, it feeds off my insecurity that I’m, I wasn’t enough because like, if I didn’t value myself and achievement could kind of cover up my insecurity. So for me, it was like, I needed to do, I needed to do a good job. So like, for me, it’s like a, obviously it was my financial livelihood, but also my reputation as like one of the top guys in. And then thirdly, like people were depending on me to get the job done so everyone could reap the benefits. So for me, it was, it was an act that I was like, “You’re trusting me to do this thing.”
So it, it really evolved, like it was so not emotional at, in any regard. So for me, it was just like, it just became “I’m going to work, whether it, whether I was, you know, painting a picture, uh, whatever else, it was just a task that was meant to be completed. So I did it the best I could.” And that’s what it became in my mind. And towards the end, like in the moment, uh, completely emotionally detach, but I would always, they would always be repercussions from, from that because emotions are real intimate, intimacy is real. So I would always feel the weight of that later that day or when I would leave or when I go home and shower or whatever. Um, but in the moment, um, I was there to complete a task. And, um, that was really all I was thinking about.
Garrett Jonsson: I kind of have two questions based off the things you’ve said one, they’re not really related, but the first one was, um, how did you deal with that weight as you would go home? And those, those emotions settled, how did you cope with that, the weight of that. Um, and then the other question I had is unrelated it’s. Did you ever experience any force, fraud, or coercion, um, while you were in the industry? So I guess start off with, uh, if you could talk to a little bit about how you coped with that, the weight of those emotions.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. So when I first got in the industry, um, like, especially when I started to become very popular and like, I, you know, I had a publicist and all this stuff, you know, I was being paid to show up at parties and like, I would get, you know, a few grand just to show up in like, get a table at a bar or a club or whatever. Like they fly me to Vegas and get a table and like, all this dudes here, um, come hang out with them, pay, you know, “pay whatever you just sit like in the vicinity of him.” And, um, but other than that, like, I’ve always kinda been a reckless in a certain degree. And I, I think because I felt rejected in some regard, in some regards, like growing up, um, primarily like referring to my dad, like, I kind of felt rejected by that.
I kind of felt a, this, this, I believe that when I was by myself, it was kind of like, I don’t know, I wanted to be by myself. And that was just kinda like, I felt safe in that way, because “If I was by myself, no one could reject me.” And that really escalated. Like the deeper I got into the industry, my coping mechanism was to isolate myself from everyone and everything. And while a lot of people, you know, I get asked a lot of questions about, about drugs and, and things like that. And like, I never really partied unless I was being paid to party. So, and I didn’t really have close friends because I didn’t do anything. So I, I worked out, I, I tanned, I got takeout, that was what I did. I played video games and like, I, you know, I, I didn’t, I didn’t interact with a lot of people.
So the deeper I got into the industry, the more I isolated myself from people, because I didn’t feel like I had anything genuinely to offer because like, I didn’t want to party. I didn’t want to be around people. And I think it’s two fold because on a personal level I felt used, so I felt useless. I felt dirty. So I thought that was how other people would perceive me. And then in addition to that, like, there’s a certain level of exertion that you have, um, emotionally, and it just leaves you not wanting to be around people. So like, I mean, I kind of compare it to, I love donuts more than anything in the world. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: Like, so I just feel like, but what would be terrible is if I ever worked at Crispy Cream and I was around it all the time, the last thing I would want is to eat a donut.
So it’s like, you know, there’s, there’s a light, you know, on my crotch, there’s four cameras, there’s 30 people staring at me, you know, naked all day long. Um, and then, um, having, you know, I I’m having sex with these people. Like, you know, I’m, I’m working 25, sometimes 30 times a month and I’m doing this, you know, pretty much on command. You know, it’s like, like I have gotten myself to be able to sexually perform like, like I’m a robot and that was why I was valuable, but all of that had a cost emotionally. So I didn’t want to be around people because I didn’t feel like I had any value on a personal basis. But also I had, I had expended my desire for just being around people, like, because I… does that make sense?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Joshua Broome: Like I exerted myself on a intimate level so much that the last thing I wanted was to be around people.
Um, and that just grew, they grew, it grew more and more because in primarily because of how I viewed myself, like I re like the longer I was in the industry, because I would, I would always want to be like, if I could been anything in the world, like growing up, it would have been a professional athlete, or a professional athlete’s coach, like, um, just because I didn’t really have like a lot of like, um, fatherly, like role models growing up. But like, there was just something about like my basketball coach just like really believed in me and just like spoke life into me and just like told me I had value.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s awesome.
Joshua Broome: And just like, kinda like, um, and, and just like, that was something that I really appreciated. So like, I was never like really led as a man. So like I had a desire to lead people.
Um, and that was kinda that, that was always like my thing, like whatever I didn’t have, I wanted to be able to reciprocate the thing that I hadn’t experienced. So like, so as weird as it sounds like the goal, like my biggest goal, like any, like what, “What is the thing that you want to do before you die?” And I would always say like, not necessarily have a family or be married or whatever. It was always like, “I just want to be a dad.” Like, I just thought, like the idea of being a dad would be so amazing just because I never got to experience it. And then, um, just, just the thought of like being a dad and just giving the thing that I never received would just be so incredible. But, um, I guess that’s just kind of a, a glimpse into my mind at a time, I guess.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s real cool. I was looking through your Tik Tok, and I saw a couple of videos that included weights and, uh, your, your boy when your boys.
Joshua Broome: Oh yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: So that’s cool. It seems like you’re a good dad.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. I love this guys very much. Two little dudes.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s awesome. Yeah. Well, Joshua, the other question I had regarding the force fraud recursion, and I just wanted to know from your personal account, if you ever experienced force fraud or coercion while you were in the industry?
Joshua Broome: Right. Um, I think for me personally, um, when it comes to just interaction between, uh, people in, on an, on an intimate level, um, I, I had the opportunity of being on sets where, um, there were very large sets, there were very large productions with, um, you know, multiple cameras, uh, someone working the sound, someone, you know, a lighting guy, you know, there’s, uh, a few like personal assistants on set and things like that. So, um, while I always had the opportunity to be on large sets, which, you know, just the, uh, the amount of people on set, created accountability, I guess. So I never experienced anything like off-putting or strange in that regard, but when it comes to a financial standpoint, I think that is really eye-opening for a lot of people to know what I’m about to say. “So a question that I get so much is, so you’re so passionate about what, you know, this and that, and you advocate against pornography. Why don’t you take down the videos that you currently have on the internet, and do you still profit from said videos on the internet?”
Because it’s a legitimate question, because if you think about, you know, Leonardo DiCaprio is still making bank off, you know, the Titanic.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: Like there’s, uh, in, in any regard, PR probably in most genres of film music and, uh, you know, acting just in any, in any regard of, you know, you, you, uh, create or partake in something. And, um, said thing makes money. Uh, you generally make a residual payment off that, and the adult film industry, every time you work, you do two things. You, well three things you show up, you provide two forms of identification that is, uh, photo scanned and copied. Then you sign it and then you fill out a contract and that legal contract, it, it says this, “I am signing away all rights to video, sound, and photos. I’m signing away all rights to them, and I’m going to be compensated a day rate.” So you get X amount of dollars that day, and you sign away all rights to video, sound. I think my, my air just came on. Is that loud?
Garrett Jonsson: It is this kind of loud, but hat’s okay.
Joshua Broome: Okay. I’m sorry. But you sign up, you sign away all, all video, all audio, all, uh, photos. And here’s the issue with that? So I had, I, you know, I did a thousand different movies throughout my life in the adult industry. And a company will sell video to another company to make a compilation video, and then they’ll sell these photos to a sex shop to put on stuff, to advertise for you. So all of a sudden there’s 10, those thousand videos turned into 10,000 videos. And then now your, your face is on a sex toy and an advertisement.
And then it’s online on these dating profiles. And you’re like, “How did this happen?” And you signed away rights to those photos. And you’re attached to an identity that doesn’t exist because like the, the, uh, the stage name that I used, wasn’t a real person. So, and then when it comes to residuals that the residuals don’t exist. So, you know, like sure, I made a million dollars over five years, uh, you know, in the industry, but like, there’s probably a million dollars made off of, you know, a hundred, 200 different movies of it. So a, I, you, your, your content is all over the place forever, and you don’t get a cent when it comes to residuals. So there’s so much content out there and is owned by so many people. It would take me like, just to find out who, who was the proprietor like of those images and videos and audio would take forever and residuals just, aren’t a thing.
So like maybe the industry has changed, maybe there’s different, uh, agreements with different people, but for the most part, like, it’s just not a thing. So, and like, for me, like I was getting paid top dollar, you know, like there’s guys and girls, you know, guys will get paid like $200 to do whatever, or girls will get paid like five, $600 to do whatever. And then they take that video and video the pictures and stuff, and they sell it to four different companies like individually. And, you know, so it’s just, uh, it’s just a really unfortunate thing.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
During our presentations and in some of our content, we talk about how pornography, um, is a super normal stimulus. And, um, I was just wondering from your experience in the porn industry, would you agree that pornography is a super normal stimulus? And if so, why?
Joshua Broome: Um, from, from a consumer standpoint?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Or from, or from a performer standpoint, I’m not sure.
Joshua Broome: Um, I would say yes, just because you it’s, you know, I th I think, uh, this company is very appropriately named because it is a drug and it does, you know, that, that dopamine hit, that you get from, uh, consuming that content is unlike a lot of things, because you are taking something that your body was meant to experience. And then you’re almost, you’re, you’re falsifying it. It’s almost like, um, it’s like if you ate, you know, a sheet of paper that tasted like fried chicken, you know, it’s like, what’s going on in my mind, like what’s happening. I, I I’ve experiencing this sensation, but it’s not really happening. And I think that because it’s on an intimate level and it’s something that, um, you know, people, people desire to wanted. People desire to be loved people. Um, and then sometimes that, that sex is their idea of being loved or experiencing love. And if that they can get a dopamine hit from that. So, absolutely. Yes.
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for sharing your perspective on that. Um, I’m jumping back a little bit to, when you were talking about the isolation, how you felt like you needed to be alone to kind of recharge your batteries in a sense, is that correct?
Joshua Broome: Yeah. And it’s, well, it’s funny because, um, you know, that’s behavior of a, of an introverted person and I’m not I’m, I mean, I’m incredibly extroverted. Um, that’s, that’s like in the 99 percentile, um, just the, the companies that I’ve, I’ve worked for and just the opportunities I’ve had, you know, I’m just like, I’m very involved in like personality testing and like strength and stuff like that. But, um, extroverted, I, I gain energy from being around people, but at that point in my life, I think it was more so I felt ashamed. So I hid, I didn’t feel like I could add value, so, and I couldn’t be hurt if I was alone. So I think like, that was why isolated myself, because I believe the lie that I was not valuable. So I was in a safe place if I, I could control everything.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. That makes sense. And that’s interesting that you’re an extrovert, um, but you were leaning towards some introvert tendencies. That’s, that’s an interesting thing to, for me to, to learn. So…
Joshua Broome: Yeah, I think it’s, um, I think it’s the, it’s the power of the mind in that if you believe a lie, it will become true to you. If I believe that I’m a failure is going to be impossible for me to succeed. If I wake up every morning and say, today is going to suck, I’m probably not going to have a good day.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Joshua Broome: Um, so every day I woke up and I was like, you know, “I better hide from the world because I’m not of any use.” and that, you know, that that little voice grew inside my head and it got louder and louder and louder and louder. And I think a major catalyst for that was I tried to date people in the industry and just thinking about like, just like, I don’t even know if, if like someone else could comprehend this, but because the, the males that work in that with consistency, there’s, it’s a pool about 20 people.
And so because of that, you knew all the guys and trying to date someone in the industry, all of a sudden, you know, you, your significant other was working quote unquote, working with someone that was a buddy of yours. And that trying to make that normal was incredibly detrimental to my, to my mind, to my, to me emotionally. And then I was dating someone for a short period of time that really was into that. Like, she wanted to like talk about her day and like, really like, it, it was arousing to her to, to have to tell me things like that. And I believe the lie that I could make myself like that in, like, that was very, very unhealthy. And that was kinda the, kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. And just like, like that relationship led me into a place that was so dark that like, I was, I was pretty isolated before, but like, really I was the guy, like, I just didn’t return text messages. And I said, I would go out, but I didn’t. I just like to like, hang out at home on the weekends, but I would still like do stuff with people during the week.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Joshua Broome: Um, I pretty much didn’t leave my apartment.
Like I think bill, the last year I was in the industry, I spent like, I think like $14,000 on takeout because literally I just would just go pick up food and bring it home. Cause I didn’t even want to like be around people in any way. I didn’t want to, like people would invite me out to dinner and do stuff. And I’m just like, I don’t even want to like go to the grocery store. I just want to go and pick up food and go home.
Garrett Jonsson: I was just wondering if they, if you ever experienced. Um, and, and I just want to acknowledge that this is a sensitive question. Um, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering if they, if you ever experienced suicide ideation through that process?
Joshua Broome: Yeah. Yeah. So I got to a point where like, at that time, like, I wasn’t, I wasn’t very like religious or spiritual at all, but I was just, I was just like, “I can’t see my life going anywhere.” And I felt trapped by my actions. Like almost like, because I have done so much porn, I had this Scarlet letter and I told myself the lie that, um, it would, it would always stop me from doing anything else. So I believed it was the only thing I could do. So, um, I started saying yes to like stuff that I’d said no to before. Like in that, like, I would like, I didn’t care. I didn’t care what I was doing as far as like in that industry. I would just like, if, if the dollar amount was right, I would just say yes to it. And I just stopped having like any value for myself. And I just wanted to make as much money as possible. And like, for some reason, like that kind of mashed the pain. But, um, I say I wasn’t very like religious or spiritual or whatever, just because like I was asking, like to some, I was just, you know, just asking out into thin air, just like, “Can I just please die?” Like, I don’t think I genuinely thought about taking my life, but I definitely didn’t want to live. And like I was to that point where like, I just can’t, I can’t see myself doing anything, but this, I don’t think I could do anything, but this, like, “What could I do? What kind of value could I have? Like no one will ever love me. No one could ever like, want to be with me.” Like what, like, why would I believe that I could do anything else? I know I’m going to eventually get too old to do this. And then what, you know, they didn’t, what am I supposed to do? And I just like, saw like the impossibility of a future before my eyes. And I just felt hopeless.
Garrett Jonsson: I love seeing the contrast from some of those low moments to where you’re at today.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: It’s pretty cool. Pretty inspiring.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: Um, so thanks for sharing those. Um, I kind of wanted to jump into kind of how, how does it feel? What are some of the benefits of benefits that you’ve experienced since leaving, but I first want to hear how you ended up leaving. What was, how did that process occur?
Joshua Broome: It was so bizarre, actually. I remember the day so clearly. So I, I had worked the day before and I was going to the bank to deposit a check. And I lived in this, like this little, like collection of townhomes. And it was in a part of town where like everything was in walking distance and I walked across the street to the gym, to the, uh, to the bank. And just to give you a little bit of backstory, like in this time I’d been in the industry for five years and I had isolated myself to the point where, um, I stopped answering my mom’s phone calls. I stopped returning my friends’ text messages. I unfriended, or they unfriended me on social media. Um, because I just felt like I was such an embarrassment to those people. So I had gone maybe a year without hearing my real name, because I isolated myself to the point where I was only interacting with people on set. And I went to the bank and I made, you know, deposited the check and you just swipe the card, deposited the money, got the receipt. And I was walking away. And then the person the teller said, “Excuse me, Joshua, is, is there something I can do to help you?” I just like looked at her and she was like, “Joshua, is there anything I can do for you?”
And like, I just felt chills all over my body. I just like, because that was the first time I’d heard my name in almost a year. And I just like kind of slowly walked away. Cause it didn’t, it didn’t make sense. Like the interaction didn’t make sense because I already had the receipt. Like if, if, if what she was saying happened in the beginning of our conversation, it wouldn’t make sense, but it just didn’t make sense. And I walked away and I have chill bumps on my arm thinking about it now, but, and then I just like, kind of like meandered across the street. And like, I lived in Sherman Oaks at the time. And like I lived on Boulevard, which is like a very, very busy street. It kind of lead, it leads into, um, Hollywood. And, um, I I’m surprised that he got hit by car because I just like, I was just so I don’t know I was perplexed and I, I walked in and, you know, you use my little code to get into the building.
And then I went up the elevator to my place and I walked in and I took my, I remember I, I took my watch off and I set the watch down and I was kind of looking at my watch. And it was just thinking about like, I don’t know, I like, I had this, like my, my watch was like killing my prize possession. I had this like Breitling by Bentley. He was like a $24,000 watch. And I just like, I was just looking at it and I just like it didn’t, I was just like confused why I had it. And then I looked in the mirror and like, I didn’t recognize the person that I saw. And there was just something about hearing my name that just like put chills down my spine. And all of a sudden I felt conviction for the first time.
I felt like, I felt like I knew the life I was living wasn’t right. Like, it wasn’t good for me. It wasn’t like it was wrong. I felt guilty. And this is always tough for me to talk about. But, um, I immediately saw my mom’s face and I thought about the person who sacrificed so much for me and thought about how she finally met someone that took care of her because she was 16. When she had me, she struggled to provide for me, she gets married and the person is a heroin addict, and beats her, and abuses her. And then she ends up with an another kid. Now she has me and my brother and she still figures out a way to just give me the world. And she fights and fights and fights. And then while I’m in California, she meets a guy, and he treats her like she deserves to be treated and makes her feel loved. And out of the blue, his appendix ruptures and he dies and she’s, they’re hurting, and crying, and broken. And I don’t even pick up the phone and answer it because I don’t think that she wants to talk to me. I was so self absorbed by my own stuff that I wasn’t there for my mom. And I felt the weight of that in that moment in it absolutely crushed me.
And I saw myself in a different way. And I just like, “I can’t do this anymore.” So I picked up the phone and I called my agent first and I was like, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not, I’m not,” you know, I was supposed to work, I think like the next day or the day after that. And I was like, “I’m not going to be there.” And he’s like, “Are you sick? Like what’s going on?” I’m like, “No, I quit.” He like, “Well, you can’t quit. You’re in, you’re in a contract.” you know, you’re this and that. And I was like, “I don’t care what it cost. I quit.” It was like, you know, “Send, send me, you know, whatever you need to send me, let me know what I need to pay. I don’t care what it costs.” Like “I don’t even care. Just make it happen.” I was like “Call all of my sponsorships, cancel everything I’m done.” And that costs me like $50,000. But I, I, in that moment I quit and I started calling everyone I knew. And I was like, “I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here.” And I, I kept calling until I could find someone to sublease my apartment. And I was so desperate to leave like that day or the next day that I was like, “I don’t, you can have everything in here.” I mean, not my place was so nice. Cause I mean, as a reckless, like everything I had was the best of the best. So it was just like, here, just, “You can have everything in my apartment. You don’t have to pay me anything. Just promise me, you’ll pay their rent.” Um, and just like, “I’ll leave the keys here, the doors open.” And I packed up my clothes and I took a cab to the airport to lax. And then I flew to Charlotte and my mom picked me up.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow, Joshua, I appreciate you sharing that experience with us. It was, it was inspiring and special to, to listen to that. So, Oh man. That’s, that’s quite the experience.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. How was it seeing your mom for the first time in awhile?
Joshua Broome: It was really emotional. It was really emotional. Like, I didn’t, like I was like is silly as it was, it was like, I was afraid to hug her because like, we, like, I’m someone today. That’s like, well kind of, I’ve always been this way. I’m like, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Like, you’re never confused about how I feel, um, about, you know, how I feel or how I feel about you. And I was afraid to hug her because I don’t know. I just remember being afraid to hug her. Like I wanted to hug her so bad that I was afraid because like, I didn’t know how she, like how she was going to receive me because I still believed I was so sure. Even though I called her and I was like, “Can you please pick me up?” She was like, “Absolutely tell me what time I’ll be there.” Um, and just like, she like, literally like rant ran to me and he like grabbed me and hugged me. And we both cried and cried and cried. And um, the most, the most perplexing thing about how my mom receives me, like she was everything that I needed and she responded exactly how I needed her to, because, um, she didn’t ask me a lot of questions because she didn’t care. She didn’t care why I was home. She didn’t care why I quit. She didn’t care. She was just glad that I was there.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s cool.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: So have you, what w what have, what am I trying to say here? What are some positive things that you’ve experienced since leaving?
Joshua Broome: So I think an important aspect of just removing yourself from a toxic environment or a toxic behavior, is that when you quit doing something, the addiction or the, um, the detriment is still there. So just because you stopped doing something doesn’t mean that it’s going to go away. Like the feeling is going to go away. I say that because there was a two-year period that I was not in the industry or being exposed to doing it in any way that I felt honestly, like some days worse because I, I, wasn’t making, you know, $250,000 for doing little to nothing. You know, I, I wasn’t signing autographs and taking pictures with people. I wasn’t being paid to take, you know, the show up places like that wasn’t happening anymore. But I still had all that guilt. And I spent about two years lying to every single person I met, like everywhere. I tried to get jobs and like do stuff.
I just, like, I tried to get back into modeling, but I lied about what I had been doing and like my past resurfaced and I got fired from my agent. Um, I had opportunities come up that would audition for or whatever. And then like, it would, it would come to, uh, the surface that, you know, who I was and what I did, because it wasn’t, it wasn’t like, I was a guy who did like a porn movie. Like I was the biggest, like in that time, because everything is so delayed. Like, because you, you, you, you make this content. And then it eventually comes out and I had made so much content and then it was all coming out. So there was like, it was pretty much impossible to look at any porn website and not see me on it. Pretty much impossible. Like anything like, like, uh, like when Showtime, like Skinemax, like when that was popular, um, like there’s over-sexualized movies and stuff. Like I was the star of most of them. So it was, it was really impossible for me to hide, but I tried my best and I lied and I tried to cover up what I’d done. And that was really detrimental for me.
And after doing that for like two years and just peep, like there was one person who that was working for at a, at a gym. So I, I started personal training and I like, was willing to do anything. So I, since I was willing to do anything and I worked hard, I, I worked myself into a good, uh, position at that gym there. Um, even when they found out I was who, uh, who I was, they gave me the opportunity to kind of continue to prove myself. And I thought, I felt like I had value as a coach. So I continued working there. And, um, over time I started to feel a little bit better, but I still like had this like, weight on me. It’s like, “I can’t like tell everybody I meet about this stuff.” I’m like, and then it was like, “When is it appropriate? When am I supposed to tell people? How am I supposed to tell someone this?” and, um, relationships like with a girl, just like, it was impossible. Cause I would just lie in lie. And then we it come to the surface. I was like, “Well, I don’t want to be with you. Like, a) because you did what you did, and you lied to me or you didn’t tell me something that obviously you should have told me.”
Garrett Jonsson: Right. That’s a tough dynamic.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. So I meet this girl and we’re, if we’re going to go for this run, nonetheless, like, “I’m just so sick of carrying this weight. That’s like, is killing me.” It’s like, I feel like, I feel like I’m making like all these strides, like, you know, professionally and like in all, like everything is going well, except like the inside of me, you know, like I’m doing good things. I’m helping people. Um, I’m passionate about helping people. I see myself having a future in helping people. I feel like I’m even good at it. Um, but like, how am I supposed to have like an emotional attachment? So how am I supposed to have like a relationship with someone and just seemed impossible. Like I was, I would like randomly hook up with girls or whatever, but like, it just, like, it just like made me feel like I just had no idea, honestly. Like I had no idea like how to interact with a girl, like no clue. Like I was like child. And, um, I was just like, “Gosh, I’m just so sick of this.” And I was going to go for a run with this girl. And I was like, “If she never talked to me again, she never talks to me again, but I’m going to tell her everything.” And I was like, “Hey, I got to tell you something. And then I was like, I, I, I did like a porn movie.” And like, I felt myself like, you know, I get like in my head, like give myself a pep, a pep talk, you know, it’s like, it’s like, “Don’t tell her a little bit. I still alive tell her the truth.” and all, and all of a sudden, like I just unloaded on her like five years or actually like 20 years of just junk. Just like, “Let me tell you how terrible I am.” And after just spinning far too long, telling her way too much, to be honest about how terrible I was. Um, she’s like, “Well, I understand that you did all those things, but that’s not who you are.”
Like, “That’s not the person I see standing in front of me.”
Garrett Jonsson: That’s powerful.
Joshua Broome: Yeah. Because all of a sudden she, she spoke life into me very much. Like my basketball coach did a long time ago. Like she, she saw me for the person that was standing in front of her, not the actions that I did. And all of a sudden, I wasn’t my past, I was this person who could be, and she was saying, you know, she, she was saying that I could, I have potential, I could do this. And she was like, you know, she, she articulated like good qualities about me. And it was like, almost like she, she, she heard what I said about myself and she refuted it and her rebuttal was, “Let me actually tell you who you are. Let me actually tell you, um, about the person I see standing in front of me.”
Garrett Jonsson: That’s cool.
Joshua Broome: And that, it honestly, it changed my life because all of a sudden I stopped seeing myself as what I did. And I stopped. I progressed like over time, I stopped carrying that way, but, um, I’m glad to say, so that person, uh, we’ve been married for almost five years. She’s amazing and awesome.
Garrett Jonsson: Nice.
Joshua Broome: Um, and we have two little babycitos.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Joshua Broome: We have two little dudes that are awesome. Uh, they are maniacs, but I love them so so much. And she makes me so happy. And every single day she reminds me, um, that I’m loved and that I’m valuable. And she made me believe in myself where, when I just thought it was just absolutely impossible to believe in myself. And that just goes to say, like, there’s a power in encouraging people that you never know. You never know what one act of kindness is going to do to change someone’s day. And the way that she responded to me changed the trajectory of my life. So, so that’s a pretty awesome thing that’s happened to me.
Garrett Jonsson: That is really cool. Thanks for sharing. One question I got to ask you.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: Um, would you say that leaving porn has had a positive impact on your sex life?
Joshua Broome: Absolutely. I mean, I think it strangely, just because of, uh, the, the lens of my experience, um, sex is meant to be romantic. It’s meant to be an expression of love. And when it’s used to make yourself feel better, when it’s used to make yourself feel affirmed, when it’s used to cover up insecurities, um, when you abuse it towards, um, I think it’s one of those things where you like eat, not only do you objectify other people and hurt other people you’re hurting yourself. I, I didn’t really think much of it because of what I saw and I didn’t want, and what I knew it would just like, it made sense and it made, it made me like, it didn’t, it wasn’t even about the sex. It was like, it made me feel a sec, it made me feel accomplished and it made me feel, um, accepted. It was almost like a, like a, not a notch on my belt. And that was something that I just didn’t have a good rea, I didn’t have a good relationship with sexy, so, yeah, absolutely.
Garrett Jonsson: Can you share with us, when was the last time you experienced true, healthy connection and love?
Joshua Broome: Yeah. Um, every day with my wife, you know, it’s, it’s, um, like ever since she saw me as someone that, because I always saw myself as, like, I needed to do something to be accepted because I never saw myself as someone who was deserving of acceptance. Does that make sense?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Joshua Broome: Like I didn’t think that I had, um, enough value to like, to be held onto, you know, um, so just, just her, just her like truly loving me, um, in, in that, like, it’s really tough because we all have a past, we all have hurts failures, pains. Um, they, it can attribute to our character in who we are as a person, but it doesn’t have to limit or stop us from becoming something or someone. And I think that if we believe the lie, that the thing that I did or to, or even a thing that I’m doing is going to prevent me from growing, from prevent me from being better from, for me from, you know, prevent me from actually experiencing love. Um, it’s just not true. Um, so she spoke truth into me when I felt dead in some degree and yeah. See, she, she just, um, she’s amazing.
Garrett Jonsson: I love that. Um, what advice would you have for, if there’s someone out there right now who is currently performing in pornography and wants to leave the industry, but hasn’t had the courage or hasn’t had an experience like you had in the bank.
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: Um, what would you, what advice would you give to that person?
Joshua Broome: So, um, I would just want to affirm that your life matters so much and you are so gifted in so many ways. And the, the reason that you are successful is not because of your willingness to have sex on camera is because that, um, there is greatness in you and you’re destined for impact in some regard, and you’re not doing the thing that you were meant to do.
You’re actually standing in the way of what you were meant to do. And I believe the lie myself, that because I did, I did it for so long that there’s nothing else I can do. And it’s just not true. It’s just not true. So don’t believe the lie that you can’t stop. And please, please don’t be believed the lie that your life is over, because this is something I want to share to, um, we, we can, we can cut this out if you want, but, um, there’s, there’s something that I want to share to people who are in the industry and people who, especially people who consume the content. Um, there’s been 30 people that I know on a very deep level that were in the industry the same time as me. And they are no longer alive. They took their life or they overdosed and died, or they put themselves in a situation that cost them their lives. And all those people had one thing in common, they believed that they had to stay in the industry because there was nothing else they can do. They believe the lie that their life was summed up in that action. They believed that that’s all they could do. So when work started slowing down, when they stopped getting as many phone calls and they started getting a little bit older. All of a sudden the thing that they believed that gave their life purpose, and the thing that they believed allowed them to feel value , went away. They believed that their life was over. So in some instances they took it. Those videos are still on the internet, hundreds of thousands of them. So it’s very possible because this is several of these people are very popular, still. Very good, very, very good chance that if you’re consuming pornography, that you’re watching one of those actors or actresses, they died because they believe their life didn’t matter.
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for sharing. Um, I think it’s cool to look at your low moments that you experienced and especially the moment at the airport with your mom and feeling like, “What am I going to do? Cause I have no resume except for this.”
Joshua Broome: Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: And then seeing everything that you’ve accomplished is pretty inspiring. So I think that your, your words are powerful. Uh, but I think your actions in your life is a true, um, true testament to what you can achieve. Um, so, so thanks for the day in and day out that you put in to, to be a good example in that way.
Joshua Broome: Absolutely.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, Joshua, we, uh, have kind of come to the end of this conversation, but we want to leave you with the opportunity to give us the last word, to have the last word during this conversation. Is there any last thought that you would like to share?
Joshua Broome: I think that it’s just really important to just to treat people like their life matters. And I think we don’t really think about that when we consume pornography, because we, we are, we’re supposed to use things and love people. We’re not supposed to use people and love things, but unfortunately that’s, that’s what happens sometimes. So when, when you objectify that person on the other side of that screen, whether it’s your phone or your laptop, you’re communicating not only to them, but to yourself that their life doesn’t matter. And I watched a documentary recently and, um, it was, it was, I don’t remember which one it was, but ultimately it was like the worst, like prisons in the world or whatever. And, um, 67% of this prison in South Africa, they, um, they were accused of rape along with other things. But so like, you know, in the 70 percentile, we’re in there for rape and they, they interviewed a lot of people and all in everyone said the same thing. “Their life doesn’t matter as much as mine. So I felt like I could take it from them. I felt like they, I feel like I did. I deserve that. I felt like I was entitled to that.” And I think that’s the false narrative that porn displays that sex is something that you’re entitled to, and we don’t have to love people. We can use them for what we want. So.
Garrett Jonsson: You know, there’s been a lot of, um, powerful moments during this conversation. And, um, I don’t know, on a personal level, I want to say thank you for sharing. Uh, thanks for joining us today. But I also want to say, thanks for joining us on behalf of our audience, because I know this conversation will impact a lot of people for good. And, um, so thanks, Joshua.
Joshua Broome: Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story.
Fight the New Drug Ad: How can pornography impact you, your loved ones, and the world around you? Discover the answer for yourself in our free three-part documentary series, Brain Heart World. In three thirty minute episodes, this docuseries dives into how pornography impacts individuals, relationships, and society. With witty narration, and colorful animation, this age-appropriate series shines a hopeful light on this heavy topic. In each episode you’ll hear from experts who share research on porn’s harms, as well as true stories from people who have been impacted personally by pornography. Stream the full series for free, or purchase an affordable screening license at brainheartworld.org
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for joining us on this episode of Consider Before Consuming. Consider Before Consuming is brought to you by Fight the New Drug. Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful facts, using only science facts and personal accounts. If you want to learn more about today’s guest and the conversation we had, you can check out the links included with this episode.
Again, big, thanks to you for listening to this conversation. As you go about your day, we invite you to increase your self awareness. Look both ways, check your blind spots and consider before consuming.
Fight the New Drug collaborates with a variety of qualified organizations and individuals with varying personal beliefs, affiliations, and political persuasions. As FTND is a non-religious and non-legislative organization, the personal beliefs, affiliations, and persuasions of any of our team members or of those we collaborate with do not reflect or impact the mission of Fight the New Drug.
MORE RESOURCES FROM FTND
A three-part documentary about porn’s impacts on consumers, relationships, and society.
Fifteen research-based articles detailing porns negatively impacts.
Tees to support the movement and change the conversation wherever you go.
Successfully navigate conversations about porn with your partner, child, or friend.
A database of the ever-growing body of research on the harmful effects of porn.
An interactive site with short videos highlighting porn’s proven negative effects.