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How Quitting Porn Can Improve Your Mental and Physical Health

Episode 91

How Quitting Porn Can Improve Your Mental and Physical Health

As the owner of a personal training company, Look Like You Lift, Braydon helps people strength train and get mentally and physically healthy, which sometimes means helping them address their addiction to pornography and begin to heal. Braydon shares his own personal story of being exposed to pornography at a young age and how it affected him throughout his adolescence, including how it affected his relationships and how he saw others. In this episode, Braydon discusses the importance of being open about your struggle with porn in order to combat shame, why he discusses the benefits of quitting porn with clients, and the conversations he’s been able to start by wearing Fight the New Drug shirts to the gym.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Introduction (00:00):
As the owner of a personal training company, Look Like You Lift, Braydon helps people strength train and get mentally and physically healthy, which sometimes means helping them address their addiction to pornography and begin to heal. In this episode, Braydon shares his own personal story of being exposed to pornography at a young age and how it affected him throughout his adolescence, including how it affected his relationships and how he saw others. Braydon discussed the importance of being open about your struggle with porn in order to combat shame, why he discusses the benefits of quitting porn with clients and the conversations he’s been able to start by wearing Fight The New Drug shirts to the gym.

Fight The New Drug (00:45):
Braydon, thanks so much for being here, man.

Braydon (00:46):
Yeah, man. Appreciate it. Happy to be here.

Fight The New Drug (00:47):
Yeah, it’s awesome. So before we kind of dive into it and really get into the discussion, I just wanna know a little bit more about you and, and who you are as a person and kind of your background, what you do, what you like to do for fun. Just kind of dive into it. Let’s hear it, man.

Braydon (00:59):
So I’m, I’m Braydon, and, uh, I’m the owner of Look Like You Lift. We’re an international personal training company. We focus on strength and getting people to look like they lift. So, um, been doing that, been doing this for 10 years and, uh, for fun… it’s snowboard season right now, so I’m boarding a lot. I’m gonna be hitting up Powder Mountain today.

Fight The New Drug (01:19):
Perfect. That’s awesome. Yeah, that’s way tight.

Braydon (01:21):
That’s it’s me in a nutshell,

Fight The New Drug (01:22):
Dude. Awesome, man. So how long have you been doing Strength coach and and nutrition?

Braydon (01:26):
10 years.

Fight The New Drug (01:27):
10 years. Right on. So what kind of got you into that?

Braydon (01:29):
So, I was always really the small kid. I was a small kid working on a farm, and like, everyone could throw more bales of hay than I could. So I got into the whole, uh, trying to get stronger out of high school, got into power lifting, fell in love with that. But I, what I found was I fell in love with helping people more than seeing my own transformation. So I started diving into that. I went to school, uh, paid a lot of money to work with, uh, some intern, uh, internships. And then, uh, went into competitive strongman, had an opportunity to work with some of the strongest men in the world. That’s

Fight The New Drug (02:01):
Awesome.

Braydon (02:02):
So I learned a lot from them. Um, took what I, took what I learned, and then, uh, just grew it into, into what we have today. We help people all over the world. We have 300 clients right now. We’ve got four coaches. Um, so

Fight The New Drug (02:16):
When it comes to nutrition and, and strength coaching, really kind of how does pour and touch on that? How, why are, you know what I mean? Like, why are you here? Why did we invite you here? Why is this important to you?

Braydon (02:25):
So in my coaching, what we find is the fitness and the nutrition side of things is actually pretty easy. But the mental side of things is a much harder battle to fight. And what we find is that, uh, a lot of these people come into wanting to get fit, lose weight, and get healthier, um, as, as kind of like the, the catalyst for starting a better life. And then when they actually get into it, they’re like, oh, I wanna start working on maybe quitting porn. You know, maybe stop drinking. So these things are all, they, it snowballs into, uh, just an overall healthier person all around. Not just looking, looking good on the outside. And it works both ways too. If I can get you to fix your issues with pornography and, and break that addiction, all of a sudden you have more energy and more social energy that you go do other things with your life, all of a sudden you become a more useful person.

(03:19):
So it, it’s kind of, it’s synergistic. Um, we have a lot of our, our clients who, because we’re so transparent of our stance on pornography Which is actually pretty rare In the fitness industry. They finally feel comfortable about talking about it. And I just had a conversation with, uh, with a client, uh, a couple weeks ago who this is, he started crying on the phone because this is the first time he’s opened up about his problem. That’s awesome. He was, um, you know, sexually abused by his religious leader all like, all through his childhood, and that led him to a pornography addiction. This is the first time that, um, he’s been open to to, to, to open up about it. Yeah, that’s good. And him losing 50 pounds and getting have his blood pressure medication. That’s cool. But was really excited for me Is to see that he’s like finally ready to take this next day. He’s taking that transition, And making it serious.

Fight The New Drug (04:04):
That’s awesome. In, in your experience, what, how do you make them comfortable enough to talk about that in a funny way?

Braydon (04:10):
We make, just make light of it. Okay. This is what I love about Fight The New Drug. Like your shirt, the have a nice day. Right. It’s my favorite one.

Fight The New Drug (04:17):
I love it. That’s awesome.

Braydon (04:18):
It, it allows for us to have a conversation about it. You know, and another thing about Fight The New Drug is you’re anti shame. And we can’t have conversations if we’re, if you feel bad about it, like This is a whole new thing. We’re kind of the pioneers, the generation that’s kind of figuring this out for the first time in history. So we just kind of make light about it. Um, I always just wear the shirts around the gym, wear the shirts on, on my videos, and people are like, what, what does it say? Stop looking at porn. Why are you telling me to stop looking at porn? You know? So Just kind of making light of it and just making an easy conversation is a really easy way to get people to open up it.

Fight The New Drug (04:52):
That’s great. When in your experience, do you think that there’s a lot of shame around it and around with the, the people, your clients that you work with? Do you think they have shame around the subject?

Braydon (05:01):
A hundred percent. Um, and I think it’s due to partially, we still don’t quite understand it. It is still totally so new. I mean Internet pornography has only been around for 15, 16 years. Yep. Um, and so we’re still kind of figuring it out Whereas with like alcoholism, there are great support communities around it. But I think we’re still kind of missing that, um, in this, uh, in this field.

Fight The New Drug (05:22):
So when, when you’re talking with them, what, what do these conversations look like? What, when you’re talking about porn and you’re talking about your overall health and your overall fitness, what, what do these conversations look like? What are you talking about with them?

Braydon (05:35):
So it usually starts out like, what’s the deal with your porn thing? Like what, what, what, what are you, why are you telling us to stop looking at porn? That’s usually how it starts. And then we kind of open up and talk about, uh, from a scientific base, from a psychological standpoint. Um, it’s, it’s not good for you. And it, they were like, oh, okay. Wow. Can I see these studies on this? And then, you know, luckily I have my little studies, I can just send the resources to that. Okay. Um, and then the next conversation is, so why is this bad for me? Uh, we can talk about that. Like, so how’s your social life right now? How’s your dating situation right now? A lot of the guys that we work with are coming out of divorces or bad relationships. Again, that’s another catalyst for like, okay, I’m gonna get like a revenge body.

Fight The New Drug (06:16):
Yeah, totally.

Braydon (06:18):
Um, but then they find out that at the heart of it, there’s something a little more serious that’s holding ’em back from being more social. Um, and so talking about, all right, so here’s why it’s a problem. Here’s how it’s affecting your life right now.

(06:30):
Now we can have a conversation. How do we fix it? And that’s kind of where it’s out of my wheelhouse a little bit. Um, all I can do is really guide them to resources. I think fight the New York has a great resource course, um, that we direct a lot of people to. Um, so we kind of, we kind of steer toward the pros here, but, uh, I, all I can do is like, share my story and how I was able to fix it and like, and offer my support and my accountability along the journey.

Fight The New Drug (06:55):
That’s great. Do you open up often to your clients? I guess then when, when they ask you about porn and they’re asking why you, why you say not to watch it, do you ever get into kind of like your side of it and why it’s important to you? Or are you focusing more on like kind of the, the science and the facts?

Braydon (07:09):
I’m an open book. So I’ll, I’ll do both. And, and I’ll do both. Not on just the porn side, but like the nutrition and fitness side. I’ll use my story as well. And I think it’s a powerful thing to do. Like, it, it’s, it’s one thing to share the research And to share the studies, but I think it’s another thing to share your story and it, it’s more motivating when you can do that. You’re more human when you can do that. A hundred percent that connection, right? A hundred percent.

Fight The New Drug (07:31):
That’s great. That’s awesome. Um, talking about that and, and your story a little bit, what, what is your story with porn? How did it affect your life and and why did you think that, you know, it was time to make a change?

Braydon (07:42):
So, um, it all started, I was first exposed to porn when I was about 10 years old. And I grew up in a fantastic home, both loving parents, um, very religious parents. And I think they didn’t quite understand how to have the conversation of sex.

Fight The New Drug (08:03):
It’s hard, huh?

Braydon (08:05):
It’s hard for parents. So I don’t, I don’t hold any blame or like anything against them. As a child, you, you’re, you have these questions, you’re figuring your own body out, and so you’re not getting the answers from your parents. So where you turn, turn to online. And that’s where I was exposed to it. And, um, it, it became a plague on my life for a long, long time. I was more afraid of the wrath of my parents than I was about actually talking to them about the problem that I had. It was more, I was more ashamed of the issue that I had, and so I kept it to myself my whole childhood As opposed to like actually coming out and talking about

Fight The New Drug (08:38):
It. There’s that stigma, right?

Braydon (08:40):
It is. And it’s hard. It’s hard. And it’s difficult. It’s difficult for a child too, because the child knows that is wrong. But how do I talk about it? They don’t have the words to bring it up. They don’t know where to get started or, or how to have that conversation.

(08:53):
So I hope that’s one thing that like we in this generation can bring to our children Is how can we have this conversation? How can we talk to our kids and if they have a problem How can we make sure they’re in a safe, again, non shame environment that we can ha let them know that they’re loved and they’re comfortable and they’re safe when we talk about it.

Fight The New Drug (09:08):
I think that’s key. When there’s that stigma around it and then, and there’s that shame, it really is hard to open up. And it’s like you said, you don’t want, you’re more afraid of the wrath of your parents. And, and them finding out than you are about the, the potential harms. And, and you don’t even know about the potential harms when you’re that young.

Braydon (09:23):
Well, and your parents prob my parents probably didn’t even have a No. Didn’t even know it was a problem. Like, a 10 year old looking at porn, like no. You think of like, when a, someone looking at porn, you’re think they probably back in the early two thousands probably still thought of it as like, uh, the the magazine

Fight The New Drug (09:38):
The Playboy magazine or something,

Braydon (09:39):
Right? But like online porn was so new back then.

Fight The New Drug (09:42):
It’s a different game.

Braydon (09:43):
Totally different game. So again, I don’t blame them at all, but Um, so yeah, that was basically my whole childhood. And I could tell that it affected my relationships. It affecting my whole dating scene when I was at, when I was a teenager.

Fight The New Drug (09:54):
Really? Um, and how so?

Braydon (09:56):
I objectified my dates. I was kind of a scumbag. Um, and I, I truly believe it was due to the amount of porn that I was consuming on a regular basis. I saw dating as, as opposed to, uh, so instead of seeing dating as an opportunity to grow relationships and to experience love dating for me as a teenager was, how can I get in someone’s pants? How, how can I recreate these things I see online? Um, and so like even just bringing this out, like I actually really regret that. I really regret that. And it wasn’t until like I was like 24, 25 when I finally accepted that this is an issue. Finally took the steps to get through it. I personally used the Fight The New Drug resources at the time. They were fantastic.

Fight The New Drug (10:48):
When, when did you notice it becoming a problem and, and did you notice it becoming a problem outside of your dating life as well?

Braydon (10:54):
I knew it was a problem when I had a day where I didn’t have to get anything done. I didn’t have any, I didn’t have any plans. I didn’t have any, I wasn’t hanging out with friends. Literally from the time I woke up Saturday to the time that I went to bed, I just had my laptop open the whole day. And that was when I got through an entire day and I was like, oh my God, I wasted it in time. I could have been hanging out with friends. I could have been out. Like I could have been outside. And I wasn’t.

Fight The New Drug (11:24):
How long have you been looking at porn before you kind of realized at that point, like, this is affecting me and I do something?

Braydon (11:30):
It was at least 12 or 13 years. It was a long time. So, and I’m, and there are people out there right now who probably have been dealing it longer than me. I, I think I got lucky Of cutting it out earlier as early as I did.

Fight The New Drug (11:42):
I mean, it’s something that follows you kind of forever, right? It’s a struggle. It’s, it turns into an addiction. It’s, It’s rough for sure. Um, when you were younger, did you, do you think that if, if you had the, like if you were, if you had the environment with your parents to feel comfortable talking about these things, do you think that it wouldn’t have been an issue for so long?

Braydon (12:02):
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And I reflect on this too, cuz we gotta keep coming on the way. So like, we’re, we’re constantly thinking about, okay, how can we, how can we make sure that we have something set up so my little boy doesn’t go through like what I went through? And I know for a fact that if I was, I know for a fact that if I wasn’t concerned about the wrath of my parents and saw them as a safe space And like as a 10 year old, 11 year old, Hey mom, dad, I’m looking at this stuff and instead of being afraid of like, you know, getting punished for it, coming to them and like, all right, let’s get this fixed. If I think that was something that I really needed as a child. And, um, if I got that, we probably wouldn’t, well I would probably wouldn’t be on this podcast right now!

Fight The New Drug (12:51):
Well, we’re glad that you’re here, not under the circumstances, but we’re glad that you’re here.

Braydon (12:55):
A hundred percent. So yeah, I think it was totally necessary.

Fight The New Drug (12:59):
Um, do you think in that moment, do you think that there is another adult that you would’ve felt comfortable talking to in that moment? Or friends that you would’ve felt comfortable talking to? Or do you think that the, the stigma around it and the shame was so intense that, that you couldn’t open up to anybody? Even the best friend or, or something like that?

Braydon (13:14):
Nobody knew. And I can’t think of anyone of mine in, in my life ever that I could ever be comfortable enough talking about it. You know, and that’s one, that’s one thing that I’m trying to do with my platform Is to be that person that someone can be comfortable to talk about it.

Fight The New Drug (13:32):
That’s great.

Braydon (13:33):
Uh, cuz I didn’t have that.

Fight The New Drug (13:34):
How did you become comfortable talking about it? Did it take you a while to become comfortable talking about it? I mean, obviously it’s not an overnight thing, right? If it took two years of, of struggling.

Braydon (13:44):
It, it took a while, but I finally, there, there came a point where, so I’m gonna use, um, our business as an example, when someone has the goal to lose weight, I need to lose 50 pounds. Most people will try to do that in silence January 1st. They kind of just make a goal inside their head. What’s the likelihood of them accomplishing that?

Fight The New Drug (14:05):
Probably not, right.

Braydon (14:06):
Probably not. So one of the action steps that we have in our coaching program is day one, they sign up day two, I want you to tell your family, I want you to tell your friends, I want you to tell your colleagues. I want you to send them the text. We have the text written out that they’re gonna send out to them.

Fight The New Drug (14:18):
That’s Awesome.

Braydon (14:19):
And this multiplies their likelihood of success. Because now they have other people that are gonna hold ’em accountable and then just subconsciously they’re going to hold back on some things that would, they know that would impede their ability to, to do it. So, because I was, I was a pretty big name Pretty early on. And so I knew that, hey, look, I can’t be the only one here struggling, so I’m just gonna just blast it out there. And I was, I was freaked out. I was like, I’m gonna lose business. I’m gonna lose friends, I’m gonna lose followers.

Fight The New Drug (14:48):
Right.

Braydon (14:49):
But I did it and what actually ended up ended up happening is I had a circle of fans who were like, I’m so glad you opened up all this. Cause I’ve had this same issue. And it was, it’s all the same people. Like Same thing. Like they’ve had it for 15, 20 years. Found it as a child and never talked about it. So that was kind of cool to see how many people came out of the woodwork When I made that announcement.

Fight The New Drug (15:11):
You created that safe space for him to feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

Braydon (15:14):
I took it upon myself instead of me trying to find the safe space, I created it for somebody else.

Fight The New Drug (15:19):
That’s awesome. That’s really awesome. I love that. Did you, I mean, when, when you kind of realized it was a problem, what, what were your next steps? How did you go about it? Did you open up about it? Did you, did you kind of deal with it in silence for a while until you realized you couldn’t? What was that process for you?

Braydon (15:35):
Yeah, so I actually tried for a long time and uh, I, I did do it in silence and that doesn’t really work. I think being accountable to other people is kind of the key to getting this job done the right way and fast. Um, but some of the things that, so I turned to stoicism, uh, really early in my life. Um, and that’s actually what I wear here. Um, stoicism essentially was a philosophy that made a lot of sense to me. And one of the things that the stoics talked a lot about is, um, uh, remembering your death. Hmm. Okay. We’re all gonna die. You’re gonna leave this earth. And so when I started meditating each day on, I could leave today, this could be my last day on this earth. All of a sudden when you, when you have that conversation of this is my last day on this earth, I’m gonna spend it watching porn. Like that’s, it’s, it sounds really dumb.

Fight The New Drug (16:31):
It does. Right?

Braydon (16:32):
So, like, just honestly just meditating on like this, my time here is so finite and time is the most valuable commodity that we have. Cause you don’t get it back. You’re really gonna spend that watching porn. And you don’t have to answer that. Like your values are your own, but like in my own life, there are so many things that I could much rather be doing with this finite amount of time that I have left. So I think that was really big for me to like finally take accountability and like take a grasp on the severity of this. Not even just from like a mental and psychological and uh, social standpoint, but just from a philosophical time standpoint. I’m wasting time doing something that I could be doing something else. That was like really big for me.

Fight The New Drug (17:16):
Yeah, it’s that it’s the wanting to better yourself and wanting to, to have a better life, right? And do more with your time and, and more with what you have.

Braydon (17:23):
So I think one action and tool that maybe other people can use, but like one thing for me was whenever I got that urge to just like pull it up, you know, pull up a tab or whatever, this is my last day, I’m leaving today, is this the best use of my time? And then right off the bat, like your room’s probably dirty.

Fight The New Drug (17:43):
You’re gonna get your answer right.

Braydon (17:45):
Your room’s probably dirty. You can probably go get an exercise, you can probably make some food. Hey, go call somebody up. Like go on a date. So get

Fight The New Drug (17:51):
Real connection. Right.

Braydon (17:52):
Real connection. Don’t get it from a computer. So,

Fight The New Drug (17:55):
That’s great. Um, when, when you did kind of take that step, where were you with your current wife? Were you with her when you kind of realized that this was a problem? Was it before you met your wife?

Braydon (18:04):
It was before I met my wife. Um, it kind of wasn’t fully resolved until about one or two years indoor marriage. Yeah, for sure. Um, we’re all good now. But it’s still like, it needed to happen. It needed to get addressed and it needed to be fixed before I met her. But I think it was finally over when in the middle of our marriage. So, and she was a big, uh, proponent of helping kind of like finish it off completely. That’s, I had to open up about, about it to her and she was very loving and understanding of the whole situation. So That’s great. Um, And I, I don’t think, uh, we would’ve finished this job completely if it wasn’t with it wasn’t for her.

Fight The New Drug (18:43):
That’s awesome. That’s great to hear. Again, it’s that connection, right? It is. And it’s so important that it drives so much. That’s awesome. Do you, do you still see the effects of it in your life today?

Braydon (18:56):
I do. Um, the, the unfortunate reality of pornography is it’s going to be in your life for the rest of your life. But it is your choice of how you handle it and how you deal with it. So You get temptations, those are never gonna go away. You get urges, those are never gonna go away. You find yourself alone and internet is around us all the time that that’s never going to go away. No. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to improve? You know, how are you going to set yourself up so that it’s not a problem? So, um, I don’t wanna lead anybody astray and they can think of like, oh wait, once it’s fixed, it’s never a problem ever again. Uh, alcoholics have to deal with this the rest of their life too. But the way that you fix this is you become a better person.

Fight The New Drug (19:43):
That’s great. I know that’s the self-accountability as much as it is to other people.

Braydon (19:47):
A hundred percent.

Fight The New Drug (19:48):
That’s awesome. That’s really great. You said that you wear your shirts, your fight shirts all the time to, to the gym. What got you to that stage of being comfortable enough to, to display that And to wear a shirt that says Stop watching you porn and to put it on your Instagram and, and you’re a content creator, right? So like you said, your audience is big and it matters. And so what was that final kind of push, I guess, that made you be like, this is important to me, this is kind of what I want ab stand for and and I want people to know.

Braydon (20:16):
Honestly, it wasn’t as hard as I think a lot of people think. Because fight the new judges shirts look really cool. , they have really cool designs.

Fight The New Drug (20:25):
We try to make it easy for you.

Braydon (20:27):
So I just wear ’em cuz they look cool. But then, uh, so it makes breaking the eyes so easy When people come up and they like have to squint and like see what the actual text is on the shirt. So it really wasn’t hard for me to do that. Um, I loved the shirts and I loved the message and so I, I wear ’em with pride. I, I promote the organization with pride cuz it’s really not that hard for me. I’m not ashamed of it.

Fight The New Drug (20:52):
That’s awesome. And, uh, do you think, so like in, in your kind of gym culture right? And your, your strength culture, do you think that um, that it’s becoming normal to kind of speak out against porn and to understand its effects and it’s harmful effects? Or do you think that’s still the norm right now and there’s still that shame around it where it’s just not talked about? Or maybe it’s not looked at in that light?

Braydon (21:12):
It’s interesting cuz in the, in the fitness industry It’s also, it’s more so pornography’s seen more so as an a as a joke. Everyone excepts that they just look at it and they just kinda like play on it as a joke. Like it’s okay. Got you. Um, that’s the, that’s the angle that I think everybody takes. We take the different angle. We make fun. We, we don’t make fun of it, we make light of it so we can have a conversation and not have any shame around it. But at the same time we, we address that it’s not Okay, let’s have a conversation about how we can fix it. Instead of like just kind of playing around with it. So, yeah, that’s, it’s, it’s interesting like, like what I was saying earlier, it’s, it’s very rare for what we are doing. So in our, in our community,

Fight The New Drug (21:50):
How much do you think that it, it helps with your overall coaching? How much do you think it affects your clients on and what impact does that make, do you think?

Braydon (21:58):
I think it makes a huge impact. Um, I went into this, I went into growing this business with the, with the goal of creating better men. Because this world needs better men and the heuristic for doing that was simply just getting you stronger, getting you a 400 pound squat. But, um, that all that always seemed like that the job wasn’t complete. And so bringing this extra piece of here of resolving your issues with pornography, I finally feel this is the direction that the business needs to go. Um, this is how we have a lasting impact. If I can’t get you strong enough, I can’t you to lose weight, but I can help you with your pornography addiction, that to me is a win. You know, if that’s the only thing that you get out of our content and our platforms is that, that to me is a huge win.

Fight The New Drug (22:49):
That’s awesome. So yeah, I I can tell that you really actually care about the impact that you’re making on the people that you’re working with and that, that that’s what matters.

Braydon (22:56):
I care about, I care about my guys a lot. I mean, we have over 220,000 people around the world who follow us and like that, that, that’s cool. But I, I care about, i I care about those men and fixing their issues and becoming, again, just better men in general. Whether it’s getting stronger, whether it’s losing weight or fixing their issues with porn or any other kind of addiction. That to me is like a huge, I think that is when I, when I had that moment of realization, that’s when I finally figured out my purpose here.

Fight The New Drug (23:28):
That’s awesome. So, kind of touching back when you said that you, uh, were struggling and, and you kind of, you know, realized that this was a problem and you, and you wanted to address it, you mentioned that you, you went to fights resources which is awesome. How did you find fight, um, and along your journey kind of, was that, you know, kind of your education point or, or did it just kind of pop up?

Braydon (23:50):
It was actually really early, so, um, let me think. 2012. So 2012, the Porn Kills Love.

Fight The New Drug (24:01):
Um, the Iconic,

Braydon (24:03):
The iconic shirt. So I saw, I saw someone wearing that shirt and I was like, that’s cool. And so I just, I went online porn kills love and fight. The new drug popped up and I was like, what’s this all about? So, and then, but like, so I found, found you guys really early on still had my issue until a few years after that is when I was, I knew that that was the resource I could turn to for help. That’s awesome. Um, so I think that’s the kind of impact that you guys have is like plant that seed and however long it takes for them to finally come around for resources for help.

Fight The New Drug (24:31):
It’s just the education part. People don’t know about this problem and so

Braydon (24:35):
Right. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Fight The New Drug (24:36):
Exactly. So, and you can’t be blamed for that. Right, right.

(24:39):
So that’s great. Why, if, if you were along that journey right? And you hadn’t made that kind of final step yet, why did Porn Kill’s Love resonate with you? Why did you see that and think like, I wanna look that up?

Braydon (24:53):
Because I knew at that time I knew that I didn’t know what love was because again, it was around that kind of dating scene, getting out there being a bachelor. And I had no idea what love felt like. You know, you have the love of your parents. But like love with another human being. I didn’t know what that was and I didn’t know that porn was connected to that. And I didn’t realize that porn actually can, in my own opinion, I think porn desensitizes you to feeling other emotions for other humans. So that was why those three words resonated so much with me. Cuz I was like, oh wait, is this my problem?

Fight The New Drug (25:32):
For sure. When, um, you know, when you were looking and you were like talking with your wife and you’re about to get married, I guess before that, um, did you think that it was necessary for you to stop watching porn and to deal with that problem before you got married?

Braydon (25:44):
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. So a lot of people they think that, hey, if I just get married or if I just get a girlfriend, this problem goes away. That’s not the case. Okay. Cuz I’ve had friends who do have this addiction and they do get married with that notion. And two of them who have had that, those thoughts, they’re divorced now. So fix it before you and it’s, that’s not, that’s not you. You have to address the issue with the issue at hand. It’s not gonna like magically go away Once you have another connection with another person. You’re just running the risk of hurting that person more.

Fight The New Drug (26:19):
So, I think, I think a lot of people think that, you know, why they watch porn is because they don’t have a partner. And they don’t have that love connection and so they just assume that when they get a partner it goes away. It goes away. And it doesn’t, because really at the end of the day, what they’re dealing with is so much deeper. On a different level. And, and it’s a bunch of other things that they’re personally dealing with and so they think that somebody else can just kind of cover that. But, but the porn soothes and so they need it and so they just keep continuing to consume it. And so, and it, and then they figure out that, you know, like, I can’t, I can’t stop.

Braydon (26:51):
Right. Well then it becomes even worse when you now have this new person in your life and you are spending your own time and your own energy. Cuz it takes a lot of energy to do this stuff. You’re, you’re wasting your energy on your own selfish needs as opposed to giving that energy into someone else. So yeah, it goes so much further than that.

Fight The New Drug (27:10):
Yeah, for sure. Um, I kind of want to go back and maybe touch on shame just a little bit. Um, do you think in, in your mind kind of how does, how does that aspect of shame around this kind of subject and just shame in general affect your client’s mental health and, and their journey with strength and nutrition?

Braydon (27:29):
Well, you’re not gonna talk about it if you have shame around it. No. So, and this goes for anything in life, any other aspect of life, you’re shameful about it. The likelihood of you talking about it isn’t very, very low. But once you can accept that this is not normal, but like this is a problem and there’s other people around that can help you mm-hmm. , and all of a sudden you feel safe to talk about it, you’re much more likely to not only talk about it, but to get help for it. You know, and I think that’s like why Alcoholics Anonymous is so fantastic because there is that community that camaraderie. Uh, and I wish that we had more resources like that today around like totally pornography in August or something.

Fight The New Drug (28:06):
Yeah, right. A little PA…

Braydon (28:07):
A little PA. So, um, but that, So, uh, shame if, if we can abolish the shame feeling, then this, this becomes so much easier to bring the light.

Fight The New Drug (28:18):
So when, when did you realize in your life that, um, that it was okay to break that shame and it was okay to speak out? What kind of made you realize that

Braydon (28:30):
It was in the Fight The New Drug’s resources? Um, talking about like not being shameful. Uh, we, we don’t we’re an anti shame movement. Um, and I was like, oh man, that’s cool. Like, that’s really cool. And that was when I was like, I don’t need to be shameful about this. There was a psychologist that also kind, kind of blew my mind. Um, he said, we are the first generation that has to have to deal with this problem. You know, with other issues that we’ve had, other epidemics that we’ve had, we have a track record of history that we can look back and see what’s worked.

Fight The New Drug (29:04):
So along your journey, you said that it was hard to talk to your parents and you felt like there would be kind of more repercussions if you did talk to your parents about it. But once you’ve kind of gotten to this point where you are now, have you felt comfortable enough to open up to your parents about your past experience?

Braydon (29:18):
A hundred percent. My parents and I are very, very tight. Um, my relationship with ’em is fantastic and I think leaving the home was probably the best thing for us. Okay. Um, but we, we had had conversations of my childhood, how they raised me and like, what, what are things, what are some things that they could have, could have worked on? And again, I don’t hold any shame against them or anything Because they were doing the best they can. More so I, I ask these questions to them so I can do the best that I can. Um, but the biggest thing was, um, like the punishments, the anger, the, the rage and the, again, the kind of the wrath of my parents wasn’t necessary. And there should have been a safer environment to have these conversations. Um, so yeah, we’re, we’re on great terms and they have, they, they have noticed that like they could have done some things better and I use it so I can learn how to do things better for my own, for the next generation as well.

Fight The New Drug (30:12):
That’s great. That’s awesome. I’m glad that you’re able to talk about it now and feel open enough too. And I mean, and I, I know it’s hard. It, it’s kind of a different story when it’s your friends or your partner and, and you have that kind of intimacy, but there’s always that level of kind of maybe, I don’t know if it’s like respect or what for your parents or you don’t wanna let them down. Right?

Braydon (30:31):
Well, and it’s, it’s tough. Again, I got really, really lucky that My parents and I are in the position that we’re in. Because a lot of people don’t get to have that, so. I’m very lucky.

Fight The New Drug (30:41):
For you, along this journey, obviously you’re a coach for strength training and nutrition, so obviously there’s a lot of science that goes into that. And it’s important because that’s kind of the core basis of, of how to get started. So I think is that kind of what resonated with you about fight maybe, or, and, and the problems with porn?

Braydon (30:57):
The irrefutable science showing the issues with the brain and with the, um, and the, the social implica and the social implications of pornography And the trafficking that is fed by the pornography. Holy crap. All of a sudden this kid became way more reason to stop. I, if anything, like the fact that your viewing of pornography is feeding into the sex trafficking world, that alone should be like, reason enough to stop.

Fight The New Drug (31:27):
I think a lot of people think that this is a moral issue. Um, when in reality, We’re there’s science backing it, there’s facts backing it, and then so many personal accounts of people’s own stories in the industry or, or their own struggles with it. Um, there’s so much more than that. It has, has an impact on individuals, relationships, society, and, and really, um, it really, it just, it’s more than a moral aspect. When, when you did finally kind of get to that process where it wasn’t a problem in your life. Or, or it wasn’t a daily problem mm-hmm. At least kind of what were the, the benefits that you saw in your daily life, um, whether that be like on your personal or if that, if that fed into your relationships?

Braydon (32:06):
It’s gonna sound really cheesy,

Fight The New Drug (32:07):
I would love it,

Braydon (32:09):
but things were colorful.

Fight The New Drug (32:12):
That’s awesome.

Braydon (32:12):
I saw like the world more colorful. Like it’s, it sounds really cheesy.

Fight The New Drug (32:17):
No. It opens your eyes

Braydon (32:19):
And I, I like, I started to feel more. Um, I I told you that earlier, like in my whole dating bachelor scene. I didn’t know what this concept love felt like. And I think it’s because pornography kind of dulls your emotions. Um, when it wasn’t a problem anymore, all of a sudden I knew that I could have a greater capacity to love, I could have a greater to feel, to feel happy, to feel sad. I didn’t feel numb. So things just like had more color. Like it just, I could just feel more. Um,

Fight The New Drug (32:50):
That’s great.

Braydon (32:51):
It’s like, it’s kind of like going through life, wearing like mittens and then taking those mittens off and then all of a sudden can like, feel sand and water and it’s a, it’s a real, it’s a, it’s just, it was an interesting transition and I hope that people who take these steps to stop, get to feel that because they will feel it. And life is a lot cooler when you can experience it to the greatest of your capacity. Um, that should, and I hope that motivates them to stop.

Fight The New Drug (33:20):
When, in your conversation, uh, when, you know, when you’re with your clients and you’re meeting with them and you bring up porn, do you get a lot of backlash?

Braydon (33:28):
I do. Not amongst clients. Okay. More so around, uh, because clients already feel safe and comfortable with me At that point. But I do see a lot of backlash on social media. You know, I want to make a video talking about why a non-religious person doesn’t believe in porn. Uh, that video got a lot of backlash, and it’s from people who will say they use it to strengthen their marriage or like bring spice to their relationships or it’s not an issue. And like we, and they’re blaming the religious zealous for an anti porn, or a big one is anti-porn equals anti-sex.

Fight The New Drug (34:02):
And it doesn’t,

Braydon (34:03):
It does. I love sex man, and it’s better without porn, so

Fight The New Drug (34:06):
There’s nothing more pro-sex than being anti-porn.

Braydon (34:09):
I agree. I totally agree. So yeah, I do get a lot of backlash, but I don’t really, I don’t care because I think my message is stronger than anonymous. I’m anonymous messages, and if anything, at least I’ve planted that seed. That for those people who don’t think it’s a problem that in the back of their head, at least now they can think that, hey, maybe it is a problem. That person years ago said that it could be a problem. At least I’ve opened up that door.

(34:35):
So, Again, you don’t know what you don’t know. Right? When you were a kid, you didn’t know that it was gonna be harmful and you didn’t know it was gonna impact your life for kind of the rest of your life. And so I think I do. I agree. I think it’s really important to kind of just plant that seed and let it grow. Yep. And see where it goes. A hundred percent.

Fight The New Drug (34:49):
All right. So thanks again so much for, for being here and for kind of sharing your story and going into it. What, what’s the best way for our followers to support you?

Braydon (34:58):
I don’t need it. I don’t need much. I, I’ve, I can’t, I can’t think of anything. Uh, really? Sorry if it doesn’t really

Fight The New Drug (35:05):
No, you’re good. We’ll, we’ll throw you a follow or like what? Shout out your pages. Give it a little shout out.

Braydon (35:10):
Yeah, that’s fine. That’s fine.

Fight The New Drug (35:11):
Look Like You Lift on Instagram and TikTok.

Braydon (35:15):
Awesome, man. That’s great. Thanks so much again for being here.

Fight The New Drug (35:18):
I appreciate it. Appreciate Thank you. Your

Outro (35:24):
Thanks for joining us on this episode of Consider Before Consuming. Consider Before Consuming is brought to you by Fight The New Drug. Fight The New Drug as a non-religious and a non legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects, using only science, facts and personal accounts. Check out the episode notes for resources mentioned in this episode. If you find this podcast helpful, consider subscribing and leaving a review. Consider Before Consuming is made possible by listeners like you. If you’d like to support, consider before Consuming, you can make a one-time or recurring donation of any amount at ftand.org/support. That’s f-t-n-d.org forward slash support. Thanks again for listening. We invite you to increase your self-awareness, look both ways, check your blind spots, and consider before consuming.

Fight the New Drug collaborates with a variety of qualified organizations and individuals with varying personal beliefs, affiliations, and political persuasions. As FTND is a non-religious and non-legislative organization, the personal beliefs, affiliations, and persuasions of any of our team members or of those we collaborate with do not reflect or impact the mission of Fight the New Drug.

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