Brittni De La Mora
Former Porn Performer, Author, & Speaker
Trigger warning: This episode discusses explicit sexual behaviors, drug use, disordered eating, and suicide ideation that may be triggering to some. Listener discretion is advised.
Today’s episode is with Brittni De La Mora, a former porn performer who was known as one of the world’s most famous porn stars. More than ten years after leaving her “fame and fortune” behind, Brittni is a wife, mother, author, speaker, and the founder of a nonprofit. During this conversation, we talked with her about what influenced her to enter the porn industry, how she transitioned out, and how she’s transformed the pain of her past into purpose.
You can connect with Brittni, @BrittniDeLaMora, on all social media platforms.
FROM THIS EPISODE
- Article: By The Numbers: Is The Porn Industry Connected To Sex Trafficking
- Article: 5 Myths You’ve Probably Heard About Child Sex Trafficking
- Article: Alia’s Story
- Article: Porn Industry Production In Europe Temporarily Shut Down Following Positive HIV Test
- Study: Prevention And Control Of Sexually Transmitted Infections And HIV In The Adult Film Industry
- Podcast: Harmony Grillo’s Story
- Check out our documentary series, Brain, Heart, World.
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Garrett Jonsson: My name is Garrett Jonsson, and you’re listening to Consider Before Consuming, a podcast by Fight the New Drug.
And in case you’re new here, Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science, facts, and personal accounts.
We want these conversations to be educational, uplifting, and hopeful. As we sit down with experts, influencers, activists, and people with personal accounts, we cover a wide variety of topics that may be triggering to some, you can refer to the episode notes for a specific trigger warning- listener discretion is advised.
Today’s episode is with Brittni De La Mora. Brittni was in the porn industry for 7 years, which allows her to speak to this issue from a very unique perspective. During this conversation we talk about what influenced her to enter the porn industry, how she transitioned out, and how she’s using her pain for purpose today.
With that being said, let’s jump into the conversation, we hope you enjoy this episode of Consider Before Consuming.
Garrett Jonsson: We want to welcome to the podcast Brittni De La Mora.
Brittni De La Mora: Thank you. I’m excited to be here.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah, we’re excited to have you on today. And yeah, we were just getting all that mic stuff settled. And you have, uh, some background noise that we were talking about, your kid, your husband, and I think that’s kind of telling of who you are.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm. Absolutely. I am a wife and a mom. The loves of my life. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: That’s awesome. And as all caregivers know, it’s challenging to find a quiet spot and it seems like you’ve done that.
Brittni De La Mora: Yay! [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter] So good job with that. It’s a huge accomplishment.
Brittni De La Mora: I totally agree. Especially with this microphone you guys gave me cause it literally picks up everything.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter] Yeah. Well, you mentioned, uh, who you are. I mentioned to you are Brittany De La Mora. Um, but uh, we didn’t get where you’re from and, and what you’re up to these days.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. So I am from San Diego, California. I’ve lived in different parts of California throughout my life. When I was in the porn industry, I lived in, um, Los Angeles, but I’m back in San Diego and now, um, my husband and I, we, uh, started a nonprofit called Love Always. Um, and what we do is we help people. We help people that are battling with porn addiction. We also help people who are in the porn industry. Um, we’ve been helping this one woman. She’s amazing. She just left the industry about six months ago. She’s been in sober living. Another woman who’s left the porn industry. She’s going to be a single mom. So I mean, we’re, we’re just, I’m just so excited because my life has been so radically transformed that I’m just so excited to just give back because for me, when I left the porn industry, it was such a hard transition. Um, and so just to be able to kind of bridge that gap for other people who want out who want out, like, I just want to be there to help them. I’m not there to like force anybody out of the industry or like press my beliefs on them or anything like that. But there are legitimately some people in the business who they want out and they don’t really have anyone to look to for, for help and for guidance. And so, um, we’ve made ourselves available to help people.
Garrett Jonsson: And we’re excited to learn more about that now that we kind of know what you’re up to these days. Can we jump way back to your childhood? Cause we kind of want to understand where you came from so that we can better understand where you’re at today.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm. Yeah.
Garrett Jonsson: Jumping back to your childhood. Was, was it a happy and safe and loving childhood or did you experience some childhood neglect and or abuse?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. Um, for most of my upbringing, I had a lot of verbal abuse in my upbringing and, um, it was really traumatizing for me. I remember like crying myself to sleep and, you know, wondering why I was even alive. And I remember from a very young age, you know, I’d go to bed thinking like, I just wish I was dead because life would be easier if I wasn’t here. Like I just, you know, I mean, I used to hear things like “You’re a loser.”, “I hate you.”, “I wish I never had you.”, like, just very aggressive and then throw in all the curse words, you know, just very aggressive, um, language and you know, w I have a great relationship with my family now, but that wasn’t the case growing up. And so I think I was the first child, they were the hardest on me. Um, and so, yeah, it was, it was really traumatizing for me growing up.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. Well, thanks for sharing some of those challenging moments that you had as a child. Have, have you ever read the book titled Running On Empty?
Brittni De La Mora: No. Tell me about it.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. Yeah, you need to read it. It’s, it’s a great book and it talks a lot about childhood neglect and some of its effects, as I hear about your experience, one of the quotes that I wanted to share, it says that “When a child receives the message even subtly or indirectly that his or her emotions don’t matter, he or she will grow up feeling somehow deep inside that he or she doesn’t matter.”
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, that’s so good. I saw somebody the other day that said, um, there was something on Instagram and someone said, um, “Be careful with the words that you use with other people. They won’t stop loving you, but your words will become their inner voice, and they’ll stop loving themselves.”
Garrett Jonsson: Oh, wow.
Brittni De La Mora: And I thought that was so good because that’s exactly what happened because of the words that were spoken over me as a child, I grew up feeling so rejected. I felt so unworthy. I mean, the things that I would like my inner dialect as a child, as a young child, it breaks my heart because I have a two year old daughter and I would hate for her to talk to herself the way that I spoke to myself growing up, like children are so pure and so innocent. And as parents, we should do everything that we can to protect that.
And so, yeah, I mean, I remember like 7, 8, 9 years old saying that I hated myself and that I wish I was dead. Like no child should have to feel that way. Um, and you mentioned a book, there was a book that I found comfort in, um, as a child, it was called A Child Called It. And it’s a really sad story about this child that just grew up in just the worst environment, um, in and out of foster care and all kinds of things. But I felt comfort in that because I felt like I wasn’t alone, you know, because I, I used to think all my friends had the perfect parents and all of that. So, um, yeah, the things that we find comfort, and now I look back and I’m like, that is so sad that I found comfort in that book because that child had it worse off than I did.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. Yeah. As you’re explaining some of these things, yeah. My heart just fills with this, this feeling of like, what action can I take today to make a kid’s life better? You know?
Brittni De La Mora: Yes.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow.
Brittni De La Mora: That’s so good.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, we feel privileged… anytime we get an opportunity to speak with really anyone that we speak with, whether it’s an influencer or an expert or a personal a person with a personal account, we always feel privileged, but we especially feel privileged when we get to an opportunity to speak with a former performer. One of the things that we hear from some of the former performers that we’ve spoken with is that a portion of their upbringing normalized the porn industry. We’ve kind of talked to that a little bit with talking to some of the neglect that you experienced, and the emotional abuse that you experienced in verbal abuse, but it, was there anything else that normalized the porn industry for you as a, as a young child?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, I would probably say, um, I mean, definitely Hollywood. Like I really back back then, I really looked up to just celebrities and seeing different celebrities have porn movies released. Um, and then on top of that, there was this, there was this guy in my, um, middle school and he, I used to wear just like these little chain belts around my pants. There were nothing like crazy, but like, yeah. So because I would wear those, he’s like, “You’re going to be a porn star one day.” I had never even seen porn. And I was really like, uh, really offended by that. Like, “What are you talking about? I would never do that.” And he, over the years from like seventh grade to probably 10th or 11th grade, he would say that to me, “You’re going to be a porn star.” And I’m like, “Stop saying that.” Um, and so it’s so ironic that I actually got in the porn industry. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: How did you enter, what, what did that look like for you to vent to eventually end up in pornography?
Brittni De La Mora: It was a series of events for me. So, um, the first, the first time that I had my taste of the adult world, um, I was 16 years old. I just had my heart broken by this guy that I was dating that I swore I was going to marry, lost my virginity to him. And he cheated on me with three different women is what I was told. So I was heartbroken and ended up going out to Mexico because in San Diego, we live so close to the border and you can get into any club there with a valid high school ID. So I went there with a couple of my girlfriends is the first time I ever got drunk and I went outside to get some food. And I saw this other club that I was curious about because some of the guys in my high school class would talk about how, um, these women were so beautiful at this club.
And I’m like, “What, what kind of club is it?” And they would never tell me. So I was like, “Oh, I wonder what this club is?” So I went over the, um, bouncers would not let me in. Um, and I just told them no, like, and I spoke a teeny bit of Spanish because I was taking Spanish in high school. So I was like, “Yo quiero bailar (I just want to dance). I’m not, I’m not going to drink. I just want to dance.” And they were like, “Oh, okay. You just want to dance? We’ll come on in.” And they brought me into the club and I look around and I’m like, “Oh my goodness. It is a strip club.” Um, and so they brought me behind the way that it works. There were, there were like, there, there were two women on stage. And then there were two others that were going to go on together.
And then they put me right behind them. And so the two got off and then the other two went on. And so I was just like, “Oh my God, I’m really going to do this.” And the guy that broke my heart, his mom was a stripper. So it was kind of like that seed was already planted. Like you can make a lot of money in this industry. And so, um, after the other two girls got off, that’s where I learned my dance moves. Cause I had no idea what I was doing. And I just kinda copied what they did. And I took my top off and there were people, I was 16 years old. I had blonde hair, and braces. I was so young. Um, but people were there and they were paying me and they were yelling, “You’re beautiful. We love you.” And so it’s like the seed that was planted that day.
That if you take your clothes off, not only are you going to get paid, but that’s where you’re going to find your affirmation because what you don’t get at home, you’ll look for in the outside world. And remember I was a child who was starving for affirmation. I didn’t get that at home. And so they were feeding my ear with everything that I thought that I wanted to hear. Well, everything that I did want to hear at that time in my life. So fast forward, I started going to college because I was a straight a student. I was a perfectionist. I had OCD growing up cause I was just trying to be perfect. So I could please my parents. Um, so I’m in college and I just was just overwhelmed with the schedule and being new and feeling like I didn’t have anybody to walk me through because college is so different from high school and I was working a full-time job.
And I was just like, “Forget all this. I’m just gonna, I’m gonna go to college. But rather than working a full-time job, I’m going to go dance a few nights a week because I can make a lot of money.” So I started dancing and a couple of producers came in one night. Um, and they said, you know, “You’re so beautiful. We love you so much. You are. You’re just, you’re just going to be a star.” Like “We make romance movies, if you’re ever interested, give us a call.” So, um, they were going to be in LA the next day. That’s where they lived. And I happened to have a doctor’s appointment there. And so I called them after my appointment and I said, “I’m in LA, I’d love to come see what you guys are doing.” And they’re like, “Oh, we’re filming right now. Come on, come on by.” So they put me in hair and makeup took some photos. They sent me over to an agent that day. Um, and then I was in the industry for a total of seven years after that.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. At what point did you sign a contract?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. So the first contract that I remember signing was actually with the agency that day when they sent me over. Um, and honestly, like I, I still look back and I, and I just, I just know that, um, you know, it could have been a whole lot worse for me because when I went into the agency, they handed me this form to fill out and I mean, it had all these abbreviations and I had no idea what any of it meant. So it was like BG, GG, BBG, BBG, or like all these, you know, uh, anal, DP, all this stuff. And I’m like, “What is all this stuff?” And I’m just so naive. I’m marking all of them. And so I go and I give the paper to two who would become my agent and he’s like, “Have you ever done anal?” And I was like, “No.”, he goes, “Well, we’re going to cross this off the list, cross this off the list, cross this off the list.” And he crossed a bunch of things off that included that. And I’m so grateful that he did that because I have heard so many other women that don’t have that experience, that the agents are very pressuring for them to do anal because they want them to just do everything because the reality is in the porn industry, most women don’t last, as long as I did, I’m one of the few, there’s some, you know, a handful that might last 10, 15 years and they’re in it, their whole lives, but very few women last more than a year. And that’s just because of the weight and the heaviness of the industry. Like it’s not a good industry to be a part of. Um, and so I’m very grateful that for some reason, my agent decided to do that because he hasn’t done that with everybody, from what I’ve been told.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. And I believe the best. Like, even though, you know, I’m not like I’m definitely not pro the porn industry whatsoever, but I look at the people and I can give, I can give them grace and mercy for just where they are. And I look at him and I think like, he genuinely thinks that he’s protecting some people, at least for me, like he took on like a father figure role while I was in that industry. And so I know that in his heart of hearts, like he thought like, there’s definitely exploitation, but he didn’t see it that way. You know? And so I looked back and I’m like, he was trying to be kind and he was trying to be protective. Um, yeah, but I I’m seriously just fortunate though. Cause I definitely, I’ve heard some other people that are like, “Wait, what he told me I had to do anal.” So I don’t know. He just always had a softer heart for me for some weird reason.
Garrett Jonsson: And another portion of that process that I’m interested in is the legal document side. You’re you were talking about all these acronyms and how you didn’t know what they meant and they weren’t explicitly explained to you. I’m just trying to picture myself as a young college student, even reading any type of legal document, it’s almost like you need to go to law school to understand some of these legal documents out there. And you were just signing one, you know, almost off the cuff without any true explanation.
Brittni De La Mora: Absolutely.
Yeah. I mean, I, I just signed, I didn’t know. I mean, even on porn sets, I never read the contracts. Like I just, I signed them and you know, it’s like some people, not some, I get asked a lot like, “Well, you know, you’ve turned your life around. Like, why aren’t you, why don’t you remove your porn off the internet?” And I’m just like, “Go for it, please handle that.” Because what people don’t understand is like, we have signed our rights away. And even if I go and I pay loads of money to an attorney and we get all that, like we work all that. Like I have a friend that actually did that. And somebody had already, you know, with the technology that we have nowadays, even on an iPhone, you swipe down and you can screen record. So people already have those things saved and then they just keep getting reproduced and then you have to fight new people, you know? So it’s just, it’s a big headache. It’s a lot of work, but yeah, we signed our rights away and I didn’t know that and we get no residuals. So let’s just clear the air too. Cause people think, “Oh, you left the industry because you’re rich.” [laughter] No, that’s not the case. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. And yeah, that’s one of the unfortunate things is that there is no expiration on the consent you gave at that time.
Brittni De La Mora: Exactly.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, you talked about how, while you were in college, you were making this decision and part of the reasoning there was that you would do this to make money and you’d only have to work a little bit amount of time to make more money and have more time for school. Did that turn out to be the case?
Brittni De La Mora: No. I mean, I was, I think just kind of what happened. Like my, my thing was that I was going to go to school and I was going to dance, like you said. Um, but I got pulled in, I got pulled in by the affirmation I got pulled in by… cause I was making more money stripping than I was important. And I know like most women aren’t making a ton of money in strip clubs nowadays, but this was back in like 2005. So I mean the strip clubs, we were making a lot of money. I was making $2,500 a night. And when I started doing porn, I was only making… at my starting rate was only $900 to have sex with a guy. And so that’s not a lot of money, but I got pulled in because it was like this family, you know, like I actually, um, moved in for a little while at my two into my agent’s house and he called it “the model house.” And so there were other women around and it just kind of felt like a, like a family, you know, as dysfunctional as that sounds. Like for me, I came from so much dysfunction that it was less dysfunction than what I came from. And so it felt good. It was like, um, yeah, it felt like kind of like a family, so it didn’t work out cause I ended up quitting school.
Garrett Jonsson: Okay. It kind of reminds me of the word acceptance and how all of us want acceptance. We want to be able to be genuine and also to be accepted. And so when you’re put into a, a house like that, one of the benefits you might’ve experienced short term was some type of acceptance.
Brittni De La Mora: Absolutely.
Garrett Jonsson: That’s interesting. Well, how was it being on set for the first time?
Brittni De La Mora: I was miserable. My, okay. So my first time, like I kind kinda got into porn thinking that it was going to be like super glamorous. Cause you see certain porn stars on, you know, the E True Hollywood Story and it’s like, you know, they, they really make it look like it’s so glamorous. Well when you’re 18 and you know, you look very young, you end up getting booked for scenes that encourage pedophilia, you get booked for all the young girls scenes and you have to say things like “I’m barely 18.” Um, and so my very first scene, uh, it was for this company that is like, they do reality style porn. And the, the whole purpose of, of the movie was like to find the best pot in California. And I was not a pot smoker like that wasn’t something I was into. And so they flew me into San Francisco and uh, then they gave me, um, like a brownie or some kind of a, and I was like, “Oh my God, this is so good. Can I have another one?” Not knowing the effects that it was gonna have on me. And I ended up passing out and then the next day, um, I like, I don’t even, we woke up, uh, the next day they were like, “Okay, it’s time. We’re going to go over to UC Berkeley. And we want you to ask the college guys, if you can give them a hand job.” And I was like, “What, what do you mean? We have to ask people that’s so wrong. Like I’m not gonna do that.” And the other girls were like, “Oh no, like…” they, they had been in the industry longer than I, “oh no, it’s totally fine. Let’s go, we’re all in this together.”
And I’m like, “Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. Like I don’t want to ask a guy if I can do that.”And so we ended up going to UC Berkeley and I just followed their lead. And you know, they, they kind of led the way and um, we ended up finding like maybe two guys to do that with. And then, um, because with a hand job, you don’t need a test. Uh, so they didn’t have to have an STD test because it’s the hand job. You’re not getting the, you know, all this stuff in you. So, um, from there they had another hired performer that lived out there that, um, he wasn’t really a performer. He was kind of like another college student that they scouted out beforehand so that he could get a test. And then that was the guy that we had to do everything with.
Um, I mean, like go all the way with, I don’t know if you guys like what I can say on here or not like, is it pretty, just open and transparent?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Brittni De La Mora: Okay, cool. So yeah, like the guy that you have sex with. Um, and so we, I just honestly remember being really, like, I was very naive and so different things were like, “Okay, it’s time to do cowgirl.” It’s time to do this. And I’m just like, “What is all this, like, what are you guys talking about? I don’t know what that is.” And so I just felt like really out of my element, I felt, I remember thinking like, I am not made for this. Like, what am I doing? Um, but I just kinda, again, it was like, it was just the family and it was kinda like, well, I made my decision and I think a part of my personality with, with whatever I do is I’m all in or I’m all out. You know, even like when I had a drug addiction, I was all in with my drug addiction. It’s just a part of who I am. I just go all in.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Brittni De La Mora: And so I kind of felt like, “Oh, I already started, I might as well just keep going.” Um, so yeah, my first scene was pretty humiliating.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, thanks for sharing all of that. Uh, I know that, you know, talking about all these things again, can be traumatic for the person that had to go through them. And again, I just want to express admiration because I think it can, it can help a lot of people.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. That’s how I feel. I feel so like whole, and so just like detached from the past, like I look at myself and I’m like, that’s who I was. It’s not who I am.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Brittni De La Mora: So for me to share my experiences, it’s not, for me. I don’t feel like it’s traumatizing. I feel like I just want to help people. And I want people to see the darkness that is within the industry because so many times people think like, you know, “Oh, she, you know, she, she looks like she’s enjoying it.”, Or “She has a smile on her face and all our Instagram photos…”, like, you know, it’s like, you, you believe the lies, but it’s like, I would have never told anybody back then that I was hurting, that I was contemplating suicide almost every single day like that. I eventually got to that place where I was thinking about killing myself.
Um, I just would go on my Instagram and I’d put a smile on my face and I’d show up for set. And I just put a smile on my face and do the scene, you know? And you would never know that inside, like I was so broken. And so I think it makes it a little bit easier for people to go like, “Oh, okay, porn is just a fantasy. Like, it’s not a reality. These women are broken. These men are broken. And by me watching, I’m supporting, um, I’m supporting an industry that exploits men and women and, um, and, and is encouraging their brokenness.” which is so sad because, um, to not see a person as a person, like, that’s, I just learned recently, um, like my, my daughter, thankfully, she’s so sweet. And like, we’ll just give toys away.
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Brittni De La Mora: And, you know, share, she, she shares, but I was researching.
Cause most of the kids, her age will like just take toys out of her hand. I’m like, why are these kids so mean? You know? And I started reading and it’s not that the kids are mean it’s that at that age, they don’t see people as people, they see people as objects. So they’re willing to just walk up to another kid and take candy out of their hand or take their toys out, like it’s theirs.
Garrett Jonsson: Oh, wow.
Brittni De La Mora: And so when we’re watching, when people are watching pornography, it’s like, it’s that same thing as like your brain is back where we’re like a toddler’s brain is right. Where you think that that person is just an object, but really that is a person with feelings and emotions. It’s not just a toy, you know?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Wow. That makes sense. Were there any times that you did experience force fraud or coercion while in the porn industry during those seven years?
Brittni De La Mora: Um, you know what I, uh, not that, not that I can really remember. I think the only thing was when, you know, I wanted to do porn and college and my agent basically was like, you can’t do both. You have to pick one. I think that was a little bit of manipulation, a lot of manipulation because I could have done both if I wanted to. Um, but other than that, like I have done some really I’ve done some pretty harsh scenes, like, uh, pretty much, I wouldn’t even say borderline abusive. They were abusive. Um, but I did agree to them going in, I would just charge more money. Um, so for me it wasn’t necessarily my experience where I felt like I was pressured, but I was told like, “Hey, this…” you know, by my agent, “… the scene is going to be pretty rough. Do you want it?”
And I would be like, “Well, see if you can get me like, you know, anywhere between $200 and $500 extra bucks or whatever.” So for me, it was just, I would agree to them. Um, you know, and then there’s this other company that I actually hated working for, but I would do it because of the money, but they would give you like safe words and stuff like that. It was all that BDSM kind of stuff- I literally hated that stuff. But even though I hated it, I was still agreeing to it because I needed the money because my drug addiction was so bad that I didn’t want to turn down work because even at the, the, uh, pinnacle of my career, I, and I was making like $30,000 a month. I mean, I could go to New York, um, and do escorting jobs for like three days and make, you know, 60, $70,000 or more.
And I was still broke because I was spending my money so frivolously. And because I was like, I was on so many different drugs. I mean, I was buying like 80 milligram Oxycontins. I was probably taking between 10 and 12 a day. And I mean, those things would cost anywhere between 50 and 80 bucks. And some people would jack up the price and charge you $120 a pill because they knew you could afford it. So I was literally broke. I was living check to check. So I said yes, to pretty much everything just so that I could feed my drug addiction.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Well, jumping back to your initial contract and your agent saying “You can’t do school and this.”, if we look up the definition of coercion, one way to define coercion is to persuade using threat or force.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm.
Garrett Jonsson: And it sounds like there was a threat there where it’s like it’s now, or never, you have to decide if you want education or, or this.
Brittni De La Mora: Right.
Garrett Jonsson: It’s interesting. Wow. Well talking about your, your dependency to drugs, can you talk to that a little bit more? Why is it that you think you turned to drugs as a, as a coping mechanism?
Brittni De La Mora: So when I was in high school going into my senior year, um, I was going to summer school and I went on a diet and became obsessed with dieting because it was, it became the one thing in my life that I had control over. And so, um, I developed anorexia and there was a guy in the high school class that knew I was on a diet. And he, he told me his brothers sold cocaine and that it would help with hunger pains. And I was like, “Alright.” Well, I told my friend about it and she was like, “Oh, I love Coke. Get us some.” So I did cocaine a few times. Um, maybe like 15 times before ever getting into the porn industry, maybe 20, I don’t know. Um, and then, so when I got into the porn industry, I wasn’t using anything, but there was a director on set and I had my, almost my whole senior year, I was in and out of treatment for anorexia.
And so when I got into porn, I was only 105 pounds. And this Director told me “You’re fat, you need to lose weight.” And so when he said that it triggered that eating disorder in me that I really hadn’t been healed from because I wasn’t the one that wanted the help. You know, my parents forced me into treatment, rightfully so because I needed it, you know? Um, so I wasn’t getting help because I wanted it. I was getting it because I was being forced to, you know, I was a minor. So, um, when he said that it really triggered me. And so I just was like, “Okay, I need to, I need to start doing cocaine. I need to lose weight really fast.” And I asked one of the girls in the model house. I was like, “Hey, by any chance, do you know anyone that could get any Coke?”
And she was like, “Shhh. How did you know?” And I was like, “How did I know what I was just wondering?” And she was like, “Yeah, I could get you some, but don’t say anything.” So she ended up getting me drugs. And then from there it just became something where the drugs actually like drugs provide this false sense of happiness. You know, when you’re on the high, you think things are good. And so I would use these drugs and all of a sudden it was like, it made the scenes go by better, like go by faster. And I was happy all of a sudden, but then you get the come downs. So, um, I had started dating this guy in the industry. He was a production coordinator and I would, you know, I would use Coke and he would use it with me. And I was just like, “I just can’t stand these stupid comedowns.”
And he’s like, “You got to cut it with Norcos.” So then he would, he started giving me Norcos. So then from there it was just like, the drug addiction just got worse and worse and worse. Right? Like Coke wasn’t getting me high anymore. So then I just went to pills, but then the Norcos weren’t working. So I had to go to like 30 milligram Oxycontins, eventually 80s then eventually heroin because none of that was working. Um, and so it just spiraled out of control. But, uh, in the beginning, I think I was using it because it made things, it made my life feel like I actually had a little bit of extra joy in my world. You know? Even though it’s false, it’s not real.
Garrett Jonsson: Right. Did you ever feel like you were chasing your original high?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. Every single time. Every single time. It’s so funny because… not funny. It’s, it’s like really, it’s horrible. When I, when the Coke stopped working for me, like I would snort a line and I would get an instant come down. Like, it didn’t even give me high, but I would just be like, “Oh, well maybe this isn’t good stuff. And like, I’m just going to keep trying it.” And I would just keep on. And I would just, every time I’d go like, “Okay, I’m going to go a month without it.” And then I’m going to try it again. And it’s just like every single time it would just give me a comedown, but I was hoping that I would get that first time that I got high, you know, it’s, it’s really bad. And drugs are. Yeah, man. I’m so glad to be free from that.
Garrett Jonsson: I recorded a conversation with Lamar Odom. Do you, does that name ring a bell?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. He’s a basketball player.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. And he talked about that, how he was always chasing that original high and it was also the same drug. If I’m remembering correctly, it was with cocaine and it just never happened.
Brittni De La Mora: Yep.
Garrett Jonsson: The interesting thing about it is that I think it can be related to pornography consumption.
Brittni De La Mora: Yes.
Garrett Jonsson: Because I think a portion of our listeners will be able to relate because one of the things that can happen with porn consumption is that you sometimes can get to the point where you want it more, but enjoy it less.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm.
Garrett Jonsson: And it kind of sounds like you experienced that, but with a substance.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think like, that’s why I love what you guys stand for, like Fight the New Drug, because that’s exactly what porn is. It is the new drug. It’s not, you know, you’re not swallowing a pill, you’re not smoking it. You’re watching it with your eyes. But what it’s doing to your brain is the same effects. Like heroin, cocaine, it’s doing the same thing. You know? Um, last year my husband and I were leading, uh, like this mega ministry that also helps, um, people overcoming porn addiction with porn addiction. And just some of the people that, you know, we, we counseled, it was so heartbreaking. Like, I mean, I’ve talked to women who, um, you know, they, their husbands were started watching porn many years ago and, you know, fast forward 20, 30 years, like they’re into beastiality now. And you know, and it’s like, they’re trying to just get that very first time that they watched porn, but they’re not getting it.
And so they’re going deeper and deeper and deeper into the cycle. Just like I was doing with drugs. I went from pills to, you know, higher prescription pills to eventually heroin because it wasn’t working anymore. And that’s what porn does. And people don’t realize that, like they think, “Oh, I’m watching morally acceptable porn.”, but no, you don’t understand what it’s doing to your brain. You don’t understand that if you keep watching, you’re going to go down a very sick, downward spiral. And you like, you’re going to get to a place where you’re going to need some real help. You know, it’s just, yeah. I think if we could really understand what it was really doing to us, we wouldn’t even go there.
Garrett Jonsson: Well it’s almost like the perfect time to talk about some of the articles that are on our blog. And we have a section in our blog called Get The Facts. And one of the articles talks about how porn can be an escalating behavior.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm.
Garrett Jonsson: And we’re not saying I don’t, I don’t think that you’re saying this either that anyone that consumes pornography is going to end up consuming beastiality.
Brittni De La Mora: Right.
Garrett Jonsson: And that’s not the case, but porn can be an escalating behavior for some people. And so I appreciate you talking to that. I want to ask you a question regarding the prevalence of STIs and HIV in the industry. Because as I was preparing for the conversation, I was looking at the website, it’s the American Public Health Association website, uh, regarding the prevalence of STIs and HIV in the porn industry. And there’s, there’s research and information there. But since we’re talking to you, I think it’d be great to get some anecdotal evidence from your perspective, like how prevalent are STIs? Uh, and just so that our listeners are familiar with what an STI is. It’s a sexually transmitted infection. So how, how prevalent are STIs and HIV in the porn industry?
Brittni De La Mora: Okay. So, um, the, my first month I got a test performed in the porn industry for one month, got my second test and tested positive for gonorrhea. And I was like, “What the heck?” I was, I was mortified. And I was just like, “Oh my God, my whole life is ruined.” I didn’t know much about STDs or STI or anything. And I told my agent, I was like, “Oh my gosh, I have gonorrhea.” And he was like, “Oh, it’s fine. It’s just a shot in the butt. And you’ll be okay.” And I’m like, “But how did this happen?” Because I had never even had unprotected sex until porn. So I didn’t, I didn’t even realize that all this could happen. I’m like, “But everybody’s tested. You guys said that we’re safe. You said that everybody’s tested. I don’t understand.” And so what I learned from being in that business is that yeah, like everybody has to get tested, but it’s once every 28 days and not everybody is just having sex with people in the business, you know, a lot of the women are escorts. And then on top of that, you’re having sex with people that you meet outside of the clubs. And, and most people in the industry like are having unprotected sex outside of the business as well. So let’s say that you get your test and then you come back negative on everything. And then you meet somebody outside of the club and you have sex with them unprotected. And he, or she gives you gonorrhea or chlamydia and you have a clean test. So now you’re allowed to work for the next 28 days with gonorrhea or chlamydia, not even knowing that you have it. So the industry is not clean, like they say it is. And every performer will say, “Oh, we’re tested. It’s fine.” You know, because yeah, you have to say that because your job’s on the line. If you start, you know, being a truth teller in the industry, nobody’s going to hire you.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah.
Brittni De La Mora: Um, and then as far as aids goes, there were two scares for aids when I was in the business one, right when I got in, in 2005, somebody had caught aids. And so they go through this whole big process where they shut the business down and then they have to see like, who did this person work with? And then who did those people work with? So there’s like these, a, b, c, d list of like everybody that was attached to that person. And then they make all those people got tested. So that happened twice when I was in the business. Um, and then right before I left the industry in 2012, this guy caught syphilis and he faked his test. He knew he had syphilis. And somehow he went in and like, and I know it’s not hard to do because there was a time when I got like a C on my report card.
So I went in and like changed my, I like cut out the letter a …
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Brittni De La Mora: … and then I taped it to my report card. And then I photocopied it because I was embarrassed. Um, and then, I mean, I didn’t want to get in trouble. So it’s like, he basically did the same thing where he put, he put negative over his positive. And he started working in the industry with syphilis. So the whole industry got shut down. Um, and so, yeah, I mean, the industry is not clean. There’s a lot of STDs. A lot of STIs. Somebody told me, I remember one agent telling me that like 80% of the industry has herpes. Like, it’s just, it’s, there’s, there’s a lot of stuff in that industry. It’s not clean.
Garrett Jonsson: At what point during the seven years, did you start to realize that you didn’t want to be involved anymore?
Brittni De La Mora: Um, after one year I was really truly just done. I didn’t want to be in that business anymore, but I battled with this thing called pride and pride will always keep you stuck in a season of life that you don’t even want to be in all, because you’re too afraid to admit that you’ve made a mistake or that you need help. And that’s why I think a lot of people struggle with porn is because they’re ashamed of, of, you know, what they’re viewing. And so they don’t ever open up and ask for help. But if you stay silent you’re going to struggle silently. And that’s exactly what happened with me. I struggled silently. I didn’t tell anybody that I needed help getting out of the porn industry. I just, I used to just write in my journal. Um, and it’s crazy. I looked back and I read my journal now and I’m just like, “Oh my goodness. I feel so bad for my old self.” But, um, yeah, I mean, I wanted out after a year, but I didn’t get out. I stayed.
Garrett Jonsson: So you stayed for another six years?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, there was a point at my three and a half year mark that I was withdrawing from heroin and I couldn’t get my hands on any. And that is the worst drug to withdraw from. My whole body just felt like I got hit by a dump truck. Like I was so weak. I couldn’t get up. I mean, I had stuff coming out of my mouth on the other, like, as it comes out of both ends, like you just get so sick. And I just thought, I am, “I’m going to kill myself if I don’t get help.” And so at that point, I’d call my grandma and I asked her if she could come down and, uh, come up to LA and, and help me. And so she drove me down to her house in San Diego and I, I detoxed at her house. Um, and then after I was done detoxing, it was like something kind of like these lights turned on. Right? And I knew like, “I need to, I need to get my life in order. I need to, I need to do better.” But I think I just wasn’t all the there yet.
Garrett Jonsson: Right.
Brittni De La Mora: So after that encounter, um, I ended up meeting, like at that point in my life, men were my weakness. And so there were two guys that came into my life. Um, uh, probably one. Okay. The, the guy, the first guy that came into my life, he was in a motorcycle gang and he ended up getting stabbed to death in front of me. And I was dating him, lived with him and everything. It was only like about a month and a half time span.
His friend happened to be a pimp, but now I’m homeless because my boyfriend was killed and I had nowhere to live. So the pimp comes in, like, “You don’t have anywhere to live. Like I’ll put you in a hotel.”, you know? And at that point, I’m like feening for drugs, because what I saw, like traumatized me, I had never seen anything so scary in my life. It was straight out of like a horror film. And, um, I was like, “Well, I need drugs.” And so he started giving me crystal meth and got me back into the porn industry for another three years. So that’s how I was in it for seven years. I did take a little break in between, but…
Garrett Jonsson: Wow.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm.
Garrett Jonsson: I have to jump back to the question regarding the, the definition, like the legal definition of sex trafficking is a commercial sex act induced by force, fraud, or coercion.
Brittni De La Mora: Mhm.
Garrett Jonsson: … or if the person is under the age of 18. And as I hear you explain that situation, and you mentioned that you had a pimp, do you identify as, uh, as a survivor of sex trafficking or do you not see it that way?
Brittni De La Mora: I have a hard time with that. And here’s why. I think, because… although yes, I am a survivor of sex trafficking. I just don’t really identify like that. I just kind of, you know, I guess I just feel really grateful that my experiences weren’t as bad as other women, you know?
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. That makes sense. That’s one of the misconceptions about not only just sex trafficking, but just human trafficking in general is that oftentimes the misconception is that there is a gun pointed at the person, but in reality…
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. And sometimes there is.
Garrett Jonsson: In reality, oftentimes it’s just a psychological chain, manipulation and whatnot.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. And he got me at like the most broken place because I literally just saw my boyfriend gets stabbed to death. So like, I was just, I was losing it, you know, I was losing it.
Garrett Jonsson: Again, I just want to say, thanks for talking to some of these things, because I bring, I think they bring so much clarity and they’re so valuable coming from a person who has experienced it. Um, was that your low of low, low of lows- I should say that the moment when you saw your, your boyfriend get killed, or what was your low of lows?
Brittni De La Mora: I’d probably say yes. That was definitely like, I mean, I, I, before I ended up like moving in with the pimp, like I was, um, he, he had been bringing me crystal meth at a hotel room. And then I was, I ended up at my dad’s house one day and I just, I was hearing voices because of the meth and because, um, because I had PTSD and I would think like, I would hear these voices say like, “You, you were the only witness.” which isn’t even true because it happened, even though it was like happened at like two o’clock in the morning at some little taco shop. But the people that work there witnessed it too. So, but I would hear these voices, like “If, if you don’t kill yourself, we are going to come after your family. So you, you need to kill yourself.”
And I would think that like the murders, I don’t know I was going crazy and the drugs didn’t help. So it was like, I would think that the murders were, um, were talking to me. And so I was like, cause they couldn’t find them. They didn’t find them until almost a year or two later. It was a while before they actually found them. So I would think that like, uh, that they were going to come after and kill my family. So it was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m just going to commit suicide.” So went into the bathroom at like two o’clock in the morning, um, turned all the lights off and I, uh, swallowed a lot of meth. And then I just started slitting my wrist. I still have scars on my, on my arm from it. And I heard this other voice say, “Brittni, turn the lights on and put the scissors down, turn the lights on and put the scissors down.”
And it was just like this light flicked on in me. And I’m like, I knew that I had to listen to this voice. And so I did exactly that. I turned the lights on, I put the scissors down, it was covered in blood. Um, and so, yeah, I would say that that was definitely the lowest place of my life.
Garrett Jonsson: Wow. Is it challenging to look back on that low of lows and, and then also at the same time realize where you’re at today?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. It’s, it’s hard to believe, you know? Um, it’s hard to believe that I’ve gone through all of that because like I said, I feel so whole, I feel so healed and, um, it’s so it’s, it’s crazy to just look back and go like, wow, that was really my life. And I feel so bad that I had to go through all of that. Um, yeah. It’s, I think it’s, it’s hard in this. I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s hard. It’s it gives, it fires me up because I know that there’s so many other people in the world that can relate. Maybe they haven’t had the same exact experiences, but they can relate to the pain that I’ve gone through. And so I just want to give people hope, you know, I want people to know that you can be free from your pain and your trauma and your addictions. Like you can be free and you can actually have a better life.
Garrett Jonsson: Yeah. Your energy is contagious because as you said, you were fired up. Like you being excited about this made me excited and fired up as well.
Brittni De La Mora: Yay!
Garrett Jonsson: So that’s pretty cool.
Brittni De La Mora: That’s awesome.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, as you transitioned away from the porn industry, you know, I can only imagine that that must have been a very challenging process. Can you talk to some of the challenges that you faced?
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, that was so hard because I did porn from 18 to 25. So I had nothing on my resume. So just like even that, that process was really hard just going and looking for a job. Um, and I really had to humble myself too. Cause I, after getting away from the pimp, I had like stashed money and everything got away from him was living in an apartment. Like I had to give all of that up because I couldn’t afford it. But yeah, I mean, it was a hard transition. Like I went from making $30,000 a month to $11.25 cents an hour. I had to relearn the value of a dollar. I had to relearn that you can’t just spend your money on whatever you want or you won’t be able to pay for your rent. You know?
Garrett Jonsson: Wow.
Brittni De La Mora: That was hard because before the money was so easy, come easy, go, but easy come again, you know, so it wasn’t the case. So that was a hard transition. Um, and then dealing with a lot of shame cause I did start going to church. So I just felt a lot of shame like, “Oh, everybody’s gonna think that everyone’s gonna cast me out. Like everyone’s so perfect. They’re probably gonna think that like, you know, I’m this crazy person.” So I had to go through that healing process of just learning to accept the fact that you’ve made mistakes, but your mistakes don’t make you, you know, you’re a new creation, you’re a new person. Like the past is in the past, you know, and you can talk about it to help people. You can, your pain has purpose so you can help people. And so I had to really accept all of that.
Um, and once I got to that place of acceptance, I was able to be free and be able to help people. But yeah, it was a journey to get there. You know, it wasn’t, I wasn’t always this free and you know, excited about helping people. It was, it was a little it was a little, I was a little fearful in the beginning.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, I say this often when I’m talking to, uh, a former performer or anyone, that’s had a very challenging experience. And I often say that that you are like the ultimate endurance athlete because I, I look at life as one long endurance event. And I just want to express again, my admiration to you because you’re a champion.
Brittni De La Mora: Thank you. I appreciate you- that’s so nice of you.
Garrett Jonsson: And one of the phrases that I liked that you used just now was that your “pain had purpose”. And I think that’s such a powerful concept because it’s not comfortable to have that pain to have that discomfort, but it kind of goes back to the analogy of the diamond is a diamond because of the pressure.
Brittni De La Mora: Come on. Yep.
Garrett Jonsson: And I just couldn’t help, but think of that analogy as you were talking.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. That is so good. So true.
Garrett Jonsson: Well, can you jump into what your life looks like now a little bit. I know we talked about that briefly, um, at the beginning of this conversation, but again, we have to, we have to talk about some heavy topics and it’s always good to end on a, on a hopeful note when we can.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. So I mean, honestly, my life I’ve done a complete 180, um, my husband and I, we travel the world and we share my story and we also preach where ordained pastors at our church and then, um, which is so crazy because people are like, “Wait, what?” [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: [laughter]
Brittni De La Mora: “You do what?” [laughter] Yeah. Um, and so like our whole life, like the, with our lives, we just want to help people. We want to see people be healthy and be whole and be healed. Um, we’re, you know, obviously we’re married. We have a beautiful little girl. Um, and yeah, we wrote a book it’s called A Call To Purity. 13 of the 13 out of the 14 chapters are dealing with the condition of our heart because we believe that the condition of your heart determines the course of your life.
You know, oftentimes when people are struggling with any kind of issue, uh it’s because of their heart. And so when we just try to focus on the external, for example, we’ll talk about porn because this is Fight the New Drug. “I got to stop watching porn. I had to stop watching porn. I got…” But why are you watching porn? Like what are you running from? Are you stressed out? And you never learned how to deal with, with stress or you were, you rejected in life and you find comfort in porn because you can’t be rejected by porn. Like, what is it like, what’s the root cause? And so that’s like, w my husband and I were just heart people because like, my life has been radically transformed because my heart’s been transformed. And so, because my heart was transformed, my life is transformed.
So we got to always get to the root. So that’s what our book is all about. Our book is really about helping you get to those issues in your heart. Um, you know, the word purity means to be uncontaminated. So anything can contaminate you. Porn is one thing, but w there’s also envy, um, anger, bitterness, offense, all of these things contaminate our hearts. So we want to get us to a place where your heart is uncontaminated, so you can live your best life.
Garrett Jonsson: And, you know, Fight the New Drug is a non-religious organization, but a portion of our listeners are religious, a portion of them are not. And we think it’s cool that everyone gets to choose what they believe in. And so, thanks for sharing that part of your story. And we encourage our listeners who, who are listening and that resonates with them. We encourage them to check out your book.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah. I appreciate that. And yeah, I’m really big on like, I don’t, I’m not the type that will ever push my beliefs on anybody. You know, I’m just here to share what’s happened in my life. And, um, if it resonates with you, that’s awesome. If it doesn’t, and it’s not for you, then just leave that part out.
Garrett Jonsson: How, how else can our listeners support you?
Brittni De La Mora: So, um, we have our website, if you want to check it out is lovealwaysministries.com. Um, and if you just want to just stay connected with us, check us out, check me out on, um, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I just, I just signed up for TikTok. [laughter]
Garrett Jonsson: Nice.
Brittni De La Mora: Um, and then I also have a Patreon. Patreon is more of an exclusive community. I put out exclusive videos. Um, there’s a small membership fee. The most is like 10 bucks on there. Three, five and $10. So, um, but yeah, I have all of those, all my social media accounts. I also have a YouTube, I put out tons of free content on YouTube and, uh, my husband and I have a podcast it’s called Let’s Talk Purity. Um, and so that’s out on Apple, iTunes, or that’s the same thing, [laughter]… Spotify, all that stuff.
Garrett Jonsson: Right. Okay. Awesome. We want to leave you with the opportunity to have the last word during this conversation. Is there anything that’s on your heart or anything that we haven’t discussed that you would like to talk about?
Brittni De La Mora: Um, I just think like maybe a word of encouragement for maybe somebody that feels like they’re struggling, when you don’t have any hope in your heart, it makes you sick. Like it literally makes you sick. And so I would just really encourage you to be hopeful, stay hopeful, stay positive, know that you can have a better life, know that you are more than a conquer, that you don’t have to stay stuck in life. And I would just encourage you to like unleash the fighter that’s within you. We all have a fighter in us. So unleash that fighter that’s within you and know that, that you can come out of this, like whatever you might be going through, like you can get through to the other side.
Garrett Jonsson: You’re a champion, Brittni.
Brittni De La Mora: Thank you.
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for joining us today on the podcast.
Brittni De La Mora: Yeah, definitely is my pleasure.
Fight the New Drug Ad: Regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, political persuasions, or any other diversifying factor, porn can impact anyone. If you’ve recognized the harmful effects of pornography in your life, or recognized the harms pornography can cause in society, we welcome you to become a Fighter. As Fighters we strive to be bold, understanding, open-minded, and accepting. If you’re ready to become an official Fighter, we invite you to join the movement at ftnd.org/fighter. That’s ftnd.org/fighter. Join us in our fight for love by becoming a Fighter today.
Garrett Jonsson: Thanks for joining us on this episode of Consider Before Consuming.
Consider Before Consuming is brought to you by Fight the New Drug.
Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using only science, facts, and personal accounts.
If you’d like to learn more about today’s guest and the conversation we had, you can check out the links included with this episode.
Again, big thanks to you for listening to this conversation. As you go about your day, we invite you to increase your self-awareness, look both ways, check your blind spots, and consider before consuming.
Fight the New Drug collaborates with a variety of qualified organizations and individuals with varying personal beliefs, affiliations, and political persuasions. As FTND is a non-religious and non-legislative organization, the personal beliefs, affiliations, and persuasions of any of our team members or of those we collaborate with do not reflect or impact the mission of Fight the New Drug.
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