Fight the New Drug (00:00)
I want to thank you for joining us today, Mariah, on Consider Before Consuming. We are here to talk a little bit about your story as a survivor of GirlsDoPorn. And for any of our listeners, just a reminder that this is a conversation that

We fully want you to be able to guide and feel safe and comfortable with, and we’re so grateful that you’re willing to share this with our audience to help our listeners understand what coercion can look like and what these situations can look like a little bit better. I want to thank you for being here. And before we dive in, I just want to start with a little bit about what life looks like for you today, day to day, right now. Tell us a little bit about you.

Mariah (00:29)
So it’s still very fast paced, you know, but it’s very intentional. It’s very structured. so the majority of my days look like, work on advocacy or policy as it relates to trafficking and online exploitation. ⁓ but predominantly with my case as being kind of the driving factor of that.

Fight the New Drug (01:02)
And before everything changed in your life, what were your hopes and plans for your life at that time? What did you envision for your future at that time?

Mariah (01:12)
I actually grew up in Missouri and I was adopted when I was a baby, but probably they should have adopted dogs and not humans. So my upbringing, I just kind of wanted to get out of my home life and get out of Missouri.

I have four older brothers and one sister and I’m the baby. So I didn’t have so many role models, but I had a lot of examples of what I didn’t want to be like. College wasn’t really promoted

You know, my mom believed you were either really smart or you were really pretty. And so she’s like, you got lucky kid, you’re real pretty. And so my mom was really motivated that I would grow up to be a model and every kid, you know, is an extension of their parents. And so I believe that I would grow up to be a model. But for me, my actual like goals and hopes were to just get out of Missouri, you know.

Fight the New Drug (02:09)
Yeah. And when you first came across what you believed was a modeling opportunity, what appealed to you about it and why did it feel trustworthy?

Mariah (02:22)
Well, so as I got older, I realized that I didn’t actually want to do modeling. I had a couple auditions as a child that were pretty brutal and took a hit to my self-confidence. And from a really young age, I realized that I would always have to be changing myself in order to fit into the modeling world. And I just didn’t like that.

However, that seemed to be the only out, you know? My mom was like, you’re gonna move to California and you’re gonna model. And that was an out, so I took it. So when I came out here and I really struggled and I called back home to my parents, because California is a very different pace of life and cost of living than Missouri is. So when I called back home during a moment of like financial vulnerability, my mom immediately said, well, why aren’t you looking to do modeling

You’re in California. And, you know, I feel like I can say the Midwest is a little like three to five years or more maybe, but behind the coasts. So my mom has a niece who’s in LA and she has booked like real work.

She’s been in Honda commercials, she’s done sneaker commercials, and my mom made a comment that your cousin finds work everywhere, Mariah, it’s even on Craigslist. Go check Craigslist. I was born in 97, and the only reason I say that is because I grew up with hearing about the Craigslist killer. That was real, and so I always associated Craigslist with I wouldn’t even go to look at a car without bringing somebody, let alone look for work.

So when my mom suggested that, it was more of an immediate like, she just doesn’t get what the internet is. She’s from a different generation. Thanks, mom, but you’ll help me, right? And when that help didn’t come, I was like, OK, I guess we got to look for other opportunities. And so I looked on Craigslist. And to my surprise, there are a lot of modeling opportunities, there’s a lot under the gig section. was shook. Like, I didn’t realize that because again, I always associated Craigslist with the Craigslist killer. And so the appealing thing about the modeling ads were just how kind of outrageous they were.

And again, I’m coming from Missouri where my whole life was like, you’re going to model, you’re going to model. And the opportunities I had in Missouri were nothing. And I’m looking on Craigslist in California and there’s opportunities. I remember there was one that was like skydiving your bikini for $1,500. And I was like, oh my God, I’ve always wanted to go skydiving. That’s wild. They’re going to pay me. Like it just was comical, you know, as you would think it might be. And it was. But the appealing thing was that almost none of them that I can recall said nudity and they almost all of them paid in the thousands which Isn’t normal?

For anyone watching if you’re young and you’re in the modeling industry if they’re offering you Thousands of dollars for one job. That’s a red flag, but I didn’t know that I just thought I was lucky and was honestly like oh god My mom is right like that’s gonna be an awkward conversation. I’d be like you’re right. I was 19 at the time out

In California, I had nobody but a cousin in LA and I was in San Diego. So I respond to every modeling ad because none of them said nudity. And I’m responding to everything. I go to sleep. I wake up and I have a missed call and a text. And I’m just thinking like, again, oh my God, my mom was right. That’s wild.
I respond and it sounds to me, from Missouri, never left the country, like an Australian accent. So it’s an Australian man saying, is this Mariah? Did you respond to this modeling ad? If so, call me back because we have a shoot today at 2 o’clock.

At that time, I was sleeping on somebody’s couch. All my clothes were in a box. And I was working a part-time job, minimum wage at that time, in 2016, was $10 an hour. So I jumped. I ran outside. I got in my car. And I called this number back. And he was like, are you serious about doing this job? And I’m like, if it’s legit, yeah. And it’s a beach photo shoot. So the location was going to be the Hilton Bayfront Hotel right next to the Convention Center downtown.

My hesitation was simply because I didn’t have enough gas to go downtown San Diego from where I was staying and come back if it wasn’t legit. Like, I would have been stuck. And again, my intuition with Craigslist and just the affiliation, I just paused. And he picked up on that right away.

He said, would you feel more comfortable if you spoke with a reference model? And I said, what is a reference model? And he said, a reference model is a girl we’ve worked with in the past, and she can verify for you that we’re legit and that we’re safe. And I thought, you idiot, why wouldn’t you start with that? Yes, of course. Within 10 minutes, I was on the phone with another girl who was like, yeah, girl, it’s…

Mariah (07:46)
legit and I made a good amount of money, the money that’s advertised is what you get. She didn’t have to say anything more. Okay, to hear it from another female, there is no thought in my mind at all that this wasn’t safe. To hear her say, this is legit, you can trust it, I got out and you get paid what they’re advertising. That was enough money for me to move in. And again, when you’re sleeping on somebody’s couch, the first and last month, of anywhere is a really big thing to come up with.

And so I said, all right, I’m on my way. What do need me to, what do I bring? You know, are you going to provide the swimsuit? Do I need to bring my own? Do I need to bring a towel? And he said, it’s a hotel. Everything is going to be provided for you there. This is the address. Just call this number when you arrive.

So I drive downtown. I get in the parking structure and I park and I have a gut feeling, where it’s just like, I don’t think this is a good idea. And right as I had that thought, he called me again. And I picked up the phone. And almost grateful to disrupt that thought, right? Because again, I just drove downtown. If I decided I wasn’t going to do it, I got to call somebody else for help. And so he called me he said, did you make it? And I said, I did. And he said, you’re going to go inside. You’re going to walk in the lobby. And you’re going to see this Asian man who’s about 4’11”.

Mariah (09:11)
He’s probably going to be wearing cargo pants and his hat on backwards. That’s your camera guy. He’s going to direct you from there. And I said, OK. I got out of the car. I walked to the lobby. Exactly, like as if he was staring at him when he described him, exactly as he described him. This tiny person is almost jovially bouncing as he walks. And again, I’m the youngest.

I have four older brothers. My very first thought was, if he gets weird with me, I can push him down and run away. I feel good about that. And I don’t know if that’s like, every woman has that instinct to think worst case scenario, or if it’s like, yeah.

Fight the New Drug (09:50)
He didn’t feel physically threatening to you, coming into this situation.

Mariah (10:01)
No, no, it was just as individual.

We’re good, I’m good, I felt good about that. Yeah, and he was very like, Mariah? Teddy. And I was like, Teddy bear, great, right, trying to normalize this thing. My idea though, because nothing was said about a room. At no point did he say they’re going to take you to a room. It’s just you’re gonna go to the hotel lobby and Teddy from there is gonna direct you.

Fight the New Drug (10:07)
Right.

Mariah (10:32)
So I thought we would go to the bar, sign some paperwork. They’d give me an outfit. I’d go to the bathroom, and we’d walk outside.

He just starts walking for the elevators. And I just kind of paused. And he just kind of looks behind. And he’s like…this is professional. So we take your confidentiality really seriously. There’s some significant money involved. So we got a room just for, again, it’s your privacy. And I was like, OK. Mind you, though, I didn’t know what clothing brand this was. didn’t know anything other than it was a beachfront photo shoot. It could have been for self-tanner. It could have been for sunglasses. I didn’t know. I just was like, I can do that, whatever you need, whatever product, I can do that.

And so I go with him, we go in the elevator, super, super jovial, and then we get to this floor and he starts out walking next to me and then as we get closer to the room and he doesn’t tell me what room it is, we just are walking, he starts to walk behind me and the hair’s on the back of my neck. Like I started to slow down because I’m like, why are you doing that? That’s really weird because again, still, even with him behind me, I’m like, could elbow this guy easy. Could like, like what is, you know, and he just kept pointing around me, it’s this room right here, it’s this one. To the point where I looked behind me and I said, what are you doing? And he got the room key, like he’s standing directly behind me, reaches around me, gets the room key, opens the door, so if I wanted to back up, I’d be backing up directly into him. And as soon as he opens the door, the first thing I smelled was marijuana.

And the bathroom door, as most hotel rooms, the bathroom door is right next to the entrance of the room, and that was cracked. And in that crack, I could see a silhouette of somebody much taller than me. And I absolutely froze, like my feet wouldn’t move. And he put his hand on my lower back, and he said really quietly, it’s better if you just walk in and I explain to you what this is. And in that moment,

And it’s like such a dissociating feeling. But it’s almost emotional too, because I remember so clearly that like stepping through that door meant that they were going to get whatever they wanted from me, whether I said yes or no, whether I consented, whatever they said that I was going to do, I had to do. And I think that that’s a really important part that a lot of people, if you’re not in a situation where you don’t know what the outcome is gonna be. So your brain automatically goes to, I’m gonna die, I could die. Like this isn’t what I thought this is gonna be and I can’t be the only one whose brain immediately goes to worst case scenario.

And so a lot of times people think of Like you’re either fight or flight, I’m gonna run away or I’m gonna fight him or freeze or whatever. There’s another part of that that a lot of people don’t realize until you experience it and it’s almost always seen in women, but it’s the fawning. I will do whatever you tell me I have to do if you promise me I can leave. I’ll do it with a smile. I will be so happy I’ll normalize this as much as possible if you promise to let me go. That is a psychological response that for me, crossing that threshold of I don’t have a say in this, I don’t have a choice in this.

And I believe that my best chance of survival is to just do whatever they tell me to do. And so I’m walking through and that’s whenever my attention moves from the bathroom to studio lights that are on. There were six of them. They were pointed at the bed And I…at 19 years old was just so overwhelmingly consumed by fear of the unknown, of what was going to happen. If they were going to let me go, at that point in time, I just assumed there was no money. I’m not getting paid for this and oh my gosh, it was so dissociating that I looked out the window and internally I’m just begging myself, just go numb, just go numb, just go numb, just go numb, just go numb, just go numb, because then you can smile through this. I’m going to cry if I don’t go numb.

And so I remember looking out the window and Missouri girl, I’ve never seen a loading dock. We’re landlocked. I can tell you all about the Mississippi, but a loading dock, holy cow. And as Teddy is guiding me to this chair, I automatically go, my God.

And he was like, what? And I was like, I’m from Missouri and I’ve never seen a loading dock before. Do you see, is that what, that’s a magnet I’ve never even thought about. And I completely dissociated. And I think it actually scared him because he’s like, what the fuck just happened? Like what? And he was like, please sit down, just sit down. And I was able, from that point on, to smile and wave. okay, what is, okay, sure.
And I remember him saying, he said, so it’s not what you think it is. And I was like, yep, mm-hmm, got that. And he said, but what it is, it’s just gonna be really well done adult videos. They’re gonna go on DVD, and they’re only going to be dispersed in Australia for wealthy white men. And in that exact moment, I got pulled out of my dissociation and I went Australia. Australia, that guy, he, mind me, he’s from New Zealand but I’m just not traveled, especially not at 19. But immediately I was like, Australia, like, my God. And so I didn’t know what was happening. I did not have the word for sex trafficking at all in my vocabulary. But in that moment there was like, okay, there’s connections or there’s something going on.

And he was like, OK, hold on. And he pulls out a Bank of America envelope. And it’s full of cash. And he hands it to me. And it was heavy.

And I immediately was like, I’m going to get off that couch. I’m going to get dinner tonight. I’m going to go take myself on a shopping spree to Ross. I’m going to, like, telling myself how I’m going to survive this as I realized that the money part was real. And so he hands me the money. And I was like, and I get to leave. unless I don’t obey and they kill me or something, like, if I can get out, I get gas. I’ve got a new place to stay.

I didn’t know how much it was, but it was heavy, and I’ve never experienced that in my life. And so after he hands me the money, I don’t hear anything he says. I’m just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I didn’t hear anything about what the company was. All I heard was that it was going to go on DVD for rich white men in Australia and just sign right here, sign right here, sign right here, sign right here. And I signed, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, with one hand holding this stack of cash and the other hand signing, mm-hmm.

And he goes, now is the fun part. You get to get your makeup done, and you get to pick out an outfit that you get to keep. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay. And then they brought in a makeup artist and let me pick out an outfit and painted my nails. I had a tattoo on my shoulder, and they maintained this narrative that we’re professional.We are professionals. So they covered my tattoo with foundation to hide my, or to create the anonymity factor. So people aren’t gonna know. Nobody’s gonna be able to tie you back to this.

And so in my brain was, when I would try to make sense of it was, am I just that stupid? Did I just misread this ad? He acknowledged that this wasn’t what I thought it was, but they keep saying this is professional. So at 19, it’s very, very, very confusing.

Fight the New Drug (18:48)
And you were vulnerable position going into this, obviously needing money. And then you’re here and you’re in a vulnerable position, worried about your safety. think people don’t really understand what that looks like and what coercion can look.

What do you remember about the contract that you were asked to sign and the way that consent was framed in that moment?
Mariah (19:12)
Well, there was no consent. There was an acknowledgement that this isn’t what you think it is, but let me tell you what it is. So it wasn’t, there was never a matter of, are you comfortable with this? Do you want to do this? Once I was there, it was, this is what we’re doing. And I had already accepted that at the door. I kind of accepted that walking into this room, I would have to do that. So there was no…if you’re cool with this, this is how we’re gonna do this. But it was just, again, he explained that it was gonna go on DVD and that there was no mention to my knowledge that I can recall of him saying this is GirlsDoPorn. He was very, very intentional to say that it was not gonna go on the internet. Nobody in your world is going to see this.

But he could have said, this is going to be mailed to your parents, and I don’t think I would have had a choice, right? So that’s the part about the fawn response, that I have seen screenshots. I have not seen my video. I know how it looks. I very much understand that that’s a girl smiling on the bed, sitting there in a dress answering disgusting questions. But the reality of it was what was my option? And in my mind with my lived experience leading up to that point, complying was the best chance for survival.

That’s a guilty feeling that I’ve lived with for a long time before the court thing even happened. And getting a letter from the FBI was, did I deserve what happened to me because I was so complicit? But the reality was that I didn’t have a choice. I had no choice. And in my mind, if I would have said, I don’t want to do this, and they would have barricaded the doors with camera equipment or you know, Andre Garcia would have come out because when he came out, he came out practically naked. So I think my fight response would have gone nuts being the youngest of four brothers and I probably would have gotten killed. Like somebody would have got really hurt if I did decide I didn’t want to do this and they refused that. that would have really…truly validated what I already feared was happening. So I really believed just do everything that they tell you to do and they might let you go.

But I cannot articulate enough what your brain will do when you are that scared and you cannot predict. I’ve never met these people. I don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t know if they have weapons. They have marijuana. What other drugs do they have? What if the guy in there is on another thing? A million things run through your brain at once and it almost can’t handle it. And so you choose a response. You’re going to freeze, go mute, not do anything. Maybe I should have done that, honestly. But my body decided to fawn that that was the safest and best way to get out of that situation and the contract was quite honestly just part of that. Alright, put, I mean he could literally put my will in front of me and tell me to sign away everything I own and I would have signed it.

Fight the New Drug (22:27)
And that’s, I think, piece of force, fraud, and coercion are part of sex trafficking, a commercial sex act induced in those ways. And we’ll talk more about that a little bit later. But I think that’s a piece of coercion and fraud that people don’t quite understand is, obviously, if you had known the full truth, you may have responded differently. And there’s a reason that they kept the full truth from you. There’s a reason they presented it one way and said this is something different, right?

And so I wanna ask what would have been different if you had been told the full truth?

Mariah (23:04)
Well, so when I found out the full truth, and I think that this is a part of my story that’s pretty gruesome, and it’s something that my brain is buried, but I heard it in court. Another girl spoke of this in court, and as soon as she did, when you hear a memory that you buried, it’s almost like you’ve, like, it just, you live it again. And when I arrived, I was on, like, the first or second day of my period.

Now I understand men probably won’t understand that. And I want to be really clear about this and maybe a little uncomfortably honest, but if I knew what it was and I was consensual to that, I promise you I’m not going to show up on the heaviest day of my period to bleed all over him in the bed. Like, even if that is a category that people are into, that’s not what, no.

So, I showed up and after the contract was signed and Andre Garcia walked out, he walked out in a towel. And he took his towel off. He’s completely naked. And I immediately said, no, I’m so sorry. I’m actually on my period.

And it was almost like an aha, like I forgot because I’m so dissociated. But then I was like, anything to not have to get near this naked man in any capacity. But it wasn’t a lie. And I said, I am on the heaviest day of my period and it will ruin the sheets. You don’t want that. I could come back. Like, I’m totally fine. You can keep the money. I’ll go. He got his clothes on immediately and he said, no problem at all. Let’s go.

And I said, go where? And he goes, we’ll go to CVS. And I said, for what? And I mean, again, when you’re in position, you don’t get a lot of questions. So that was enough. And he’s like, let’s go. Get your shoes. Get your shit. Let’s go.

And so the three of us go. We get in a car. We drive to CVS. They walk directly to something that I’ve never seen. And to this date, I’ve never heard of anybody use this. I’ve never seen it in a store. But they grabbed a menstruation sponge. And it was this small circle, had like a dent in it, like a dimple, and it was white. And it was like, like memory foam. And he was like, no problem. Checked out, got back in the car, got in the hotel.

And I was like, I don’t know what to do with this. What is this? And he was like, looked at me like I was so stupid. And he took me in the bathroom because he was like, well, I need to write you your receipt anyway. And I said, my receipt? And he said, again, this is professional. OK? So we go to the bathroom, and he has like a Staples receipt book. And I could see that this wasn’t the first time they had done this. And he wrote on the memo line for what the money was for modeling.
And I remember wanting to throw up in the toilet because I’m like, this is so confusing. I’m so confused, right? Because that’s what I thought this was, it’s not. I don’t know what I’m like. I have to ask a man how to put this thing in. And so, you know, that is the biggest thing that I’ve tried to bury because it’s like just physically a gross thing to talk about. But it’s also an unfortunate thing you have to talk about to prove given what the video production looks like, I promise you, if this was consensual, you would have gotten a much better production from me. Like it would not have been what it was. And I would not have showed up on my period. I don’t know anybody in the industry, but I can’t imagine anybody in the industry works on their period. Maybe they do, I don’t know. But that is what happened and Andre Garcia had to literally help me put this sponge in because I didn’t know how to do it.

And he was like, you’re all good. Let’s go get your makeup on. And then I sat down and this woman started to do my makeup. And Andre Garcia and Teddy went in the bathroom. And I just was like, like zoned out, you know, just like staring into nothing. And I had already had false lashes on. And so she was trying to be like, you’re making my job so easy.

And I just like didn’t react. And she whispered, I’m really sorry. I wish there was something I could give you. And I immediately went, please, please do it. Please, whatever it is. If you have pills, you have a joint, if you have anything, please. And I started to tear up and she got really mad at me. And she was like, stop it. You’re messing up my makeup.

And so she yelled at me and I immediately remembered, okay, you just have to do what you’re told.

Fight the New Drug (28:00)
And how were you finally able to leave this situation?

Mariah (28:05)
By complying, literally. And the other thing that I think is important is that like, I think the video after production was about 45 minutes. We were there for eight hours. It was five minutes on, two minutes off and the two minutes was the retouch and then to tell you what was happening.

That’s how you left, at least for me, it was literally, but it didn’t feel like that, obviously, because I was so dissociated. Like it just was like, okay, and now, and now, and now. was almost felt like checking off a box. Okay, I did that. Okay, I did that. Okay, I did that. Like what more can I do? Right? Like, okay.

And I remember like, this is wild, but I remember years later seeing a video that somebody made, like a harassing video, a doxxing video of me from YouTube, and they had said something that I had lost my virginity in a church. That’s true. And I didn’t realize that I had said that on that interview. And I freaked out because I just was like, how do they know this? How do they know this? And somebody was like, well, that’s in your interview.

And so I was so complicit just to in hopes that like if I do everything, I’m so honest with you, I’ll share my deepest, darkest secrets. Just let me go home. Just let me go home. And I did that.

And so by the time they were like, all right, we don’t we don’t have anything else. You’re good. I literally grabbed all my stuff and I don’t even know if I had my shoes all the way on and I’m at the door and Andre Garcia says, by the way, if you have any friends. that you think might want some extra money, you could be a reference model too.

And it was the same feeling as when I heard that they were gonna go to Australia. And I immediately was pulled out of my dissociation And I almost got mad because I was so trusting of that person and he like just sparked that for me. I’m honest to God, probably wouldn’t have even thought of that person if he hadn’t said that and I said, what? Wait, who was that person I spoke to? And he said, that was a reference model. She got $100 for convincing you to shoot with us. You can make $100 if you know anybody and you can convince them. You could be a reference. It’s easy money. You don’t even do anything. And I literally about threw up and I just ran out of the room. Because it was like, you don’t expect it from a man, when it happens and it’s a man, you’re like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, of course. When it’s a woman who’s also coercing and getting these girls knowing what this is, I was just like, I was sick. And how do you, I mean the whole thing, right? And so I run down the hallway, I get back to my car and it’s nighttime. And I was like, that was dissociating in and of itself.

Where am I? What happened? What day is it? Like what? Like truly, what was that? Was the feeling, but also I have to get the fuck out of here before they change their mind. I have to go because they did. They let me keep the money. And for full transparency, it was $4,500 in cash at 19. I’m sleeping on a couch. Again, I didn’t count that till I got back to my car in a safe location. But I can tell you, like, I ate dinner probably for the first time in like the week. And so they weren’t trafficking women who had support from their families. They weren’t tricking girls that had the support of somebody they could call on if they had a red flag. And they knew that. And so…

Yeah, the leaving was really grateful, but it also kind of, in a way, felt like it opened Pandora’s box with a reference model. What do you wait? Right? Because then again, it’s like you can connect little things like the Australia or the receipt book. Like, this isn’t the first time. And so the reference model, it’s like, this is a system. But again, I didn’t have the terminology of sex trafficking in my vocabulary at 19.

I, my idea, if you were to say, you know, I was sex trafficked, I would think you were like Taken, the movie, you know? Like, did you get DNA under your fingernails? Were you like bound and chained? Were you a hostage? That wasn’t anything that just happened to me. So how would I even know to associate it with sex trafficking? And so I immediately, immediately blame myself.

Fight the New Drug (32:54)
I think that’s such a natural reaction to that set of circumstances, even though it certainly wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve that. And you were forced and coerced as were many others in, in this situation. I know it’s important to you to talk about this. I want to ask you a little bit about whether after you were able to leave, if you had any further contact with them at any point in the future.

And if so, you know, what was going through your mind in that process?

Mariah (33:27)
Yeah, so I think this is an important question because I think it’s something that if you haven’t experienced it, it’s very easy to say, you did multiple. So you obviously knew you were complacent and back. What a lot of people don’t know about the girls who porn cases, Michael Pratt also operated another website called Porn WikiLeaks.

So once they were done editing the video and uploaded it online, at the same exact time, they would also upload our personal information to this porn wiki leaks website. And they would dox all of the girls that were trafficked for the only purpose to make it go viral in our hometown. So I had about a month where nothing happened online. And I really was like, they’re honest. Like, this is crazy.

And literally a month later, I get a message on Facebook from somebody I to high school with and all it says is, how much did you make from it? And I knew instantly, instantly. And I was at work. And so I ran to the bathroom and I called my friend and I said, I need you to report whatever you see. Because I hadn’t told anybody what had happened. Because I thought it was my fault. I thought I had done something so stupid. Like, how could I be so stupid?

And it just, I had this shift and then all of sudden I get off work and it’s everywhere. And my friend who I called, calls me and she goes, this is bad. She was like, you’re on PornHub. And I was like, my God, my God, my God, how do you, how do you take that, right? And I just was like, and she, I hadn’t explained to her what had happened, if anything had happened. And so I called them.

What’s going on? What is this? What happened? And they played it off like, I don’t know. What happened? And I said, do you mean it’s everywhere? My 63-year-old uncle on Facebook just got a message with this video. Every single person in my family is getting a message. They’re making memes of me. It’s on every social media platform imaginable. My brother, who’s in jail, called me to tell me about it. What’s happening?

It’s so weird. I don’t know. Sounds like you should hire an attorney. And I said, don’t have the money for that. I used all the money that I made from doing that to get safe housing. That was my first and last month’s deposit. I don’t have any. And it was just an absolute debilitating moment to realize that I had gone through that, and I don’t have anything left from that to help me in this situation.

And it was Andre Garcia that I was talking to. And he said, well, we could help you out, and you could come back and do another one. What’s it matter anyway if everybody already knows? And he said, because again, I’m 19, and he said, most attorneys have retention fees of about $5,000. You’d have to do a little bit more. But I could probably talk to the boss. We could probably pay you $5,000 if you were to decide to come back to do more. But again, what does it matter if everybody already knows?

I don’t come from money. There’s no person in my family that has any abundance financially. And so I didn’t feel like had an option. I was working two jobs and that wasn’t even enough. This was so debilitating that my parents’ physical home address was leaked onto Reddit in the midst of all of this. And because of how it was produced, it looked consensual. Everybody was just like, she went to California to do this. It was horrendous.

And so I returned because that was the only option I thought I had to be able to even hire an attorney. when I returned and they had me there and I did another one for them, they said, actually, we’re going to do something else too. We have this other subsection called girls do toys. It’s just lucky day, you know, you can hire an attorney and get dinner, huh? And they took me to another hotel room and they had me do a girls do toys. And so I very much, and I’ve heard the argument, I’ve read the comments, I’ve gotten the messages of how it looks. But that’s part of the strategy as well as the doxing, as well as the reference model, as well as the opportunity to help.

And so I understand that there’s never gonna be, like I’m not gonna be able to convince everybody and that’s not my goal. But again, it’s just to lay out the reality of what type of, like, it was like an empire, a criminal empire that literally had layers. They knew exactly what they were doing. And so it just only adds to like the whole, they’re not victims.

But this is just such an unspoken part of modern day trafficking. So if I can share the very uncomfortable parts of what my experiences were in hopes that somebody who’s going to a modeling job opportunity can have this in their mind just to know what red flags are or just to have an understanding of, just modern day coercion, because it’s very, with the internet, and especially with AI, it’s not what our parents think it is. Therefore, it’s probably not something we were taught to look out for.

Fight the New Drug (39:05)
So they bring in vulnerable women and then they create this problem by doxing you. And then they become the solution to your problem by being the only avenue for you to make enough money to deal with the problem that they have created. And I think a lot of people don’t understand what that process really looks like. And I want to thank you for being vulnerable and willing to share that with our listeners today.

Mariah (39:31)
Yeah, because you know, I think the majority of GDP victims have multiple videos of content out there. And I want to just be very honest and very objective that I understand from a perspective if you don’t know that this is how trafficking occurs, because I didn’t before it happened to me, how it looks. I had no concept that pornography was in any relation non-consensual at all, you know? And I wouldn’t have thought that unless this happened to me or it happened to somebody I knew. Because things like that aren’t comfort. These aren’t comfortable conversations people want to have. Because people don’t want to think about this happening to their daughter or their niece or their granddaughter in a capacity that would allow real, effective change.

Fight the New Drug (40:21)
How is the public attention from this since this was disseminated online? How has that affected your sense of safety?

Mariah (40:32)
I, at first it was just get offline, just disappear. my video was November 1st of 2016.

So 2026 will make it 10 years. It ebbs and flows, right? You always hear like, healing isn’t linear, and it’s not. I have days where I can easily say, fuck you to all of them. Like, easily troll the trolls in my own head. I’ve been very, very fortunate also in getting the therapy. I’ve done the work. I’ve done a lot of work. I’ve tried a lot of different types of therapeutic modalities and I test that to my ability to kind of laugh at it.

Nonetheless, the more that time goes on and even with the federal prosecution and even with Michael Pratt getting 27 years, there are still people who are paying and trading for this content. There’s forums online that are talking about…why are you guys messaging them when you find them? Just stalk them. And it’s almost like gotten to a point now, 10 years in, that I don’t have to sit here and say, but they’re stalking. I could literally show you comments where people are telling on themselves. Like, we are being stalked. We are being constantly doxxed and harassed. And the things that I’ve seen after the fact, thankfully have made me laugh more just because it’s because I’ve done the work I think but also because it’s like you dirty whore but I haven’t thankfully gotten anything to where I felt really like I was in danger.

But I will also say I’ve learned to live with the consequences of what has happened to me not what I did for example I’ve learned that it’s smarter for me to rent than it is to buy because that’s public knowledge if you own property. That scares the shit out of me. But who doesn’t want to own a house? And so that’s the realities of living in a system that hasn’t caught up with the modern day internet.

And crimes on the internet is that victims are left to pick up the pieces themselves, try to get it down themselves, and learn to adapt to a certain type of living to where people don’t know my last name, people don’t know where I live, people don’t know a lot about me, and that makes me feel safe, but it also restricts me from my connection with people.

Fight the New Drug (43:15)
I wanted to ask you about that. How did the harassment and public scrutiny affect your relationships and your ability to trust others?

Mariah (43:25)
Yeah, well, you know, it’s really interesting just, I think, because my mom was the one that kind of pushed me towards Craigslist and I know that I wouldn’t have looked on Craigslist for modeling work had that not been who planted the seed. So I think that that has really rocked more than anything to be quite frank with you.

That has it’s fractured family relationships, it’s fractured personal intimate relationships. Whenever the video came out, I was single and I had gotten married and that’s when I was getting doxxed is during the dating of my now ex-husband and he would just say, who did you piss off? Who did? Because even he couldn’t comprehend that somebody else would do this. It just isn’t something that you can organically think, well, what if? Like it’s, I couldn’t even really believe it when I learned the details of it in the FBI building from the prosecution. I was like, no, no, no, say that again. Cause it just doesn’t, if you’re not that type of person, you can’t constitute how somebody could be that kind of person.

And so I got blamed a lot. And so that only worsened the ability to trust other people, because I couldn’t explain what had happened. I also blame myself, but I didn’t understand how I was at fault. I just assumed all guilt. And so I was with somebody who was blaming me for what had happened and didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want it to be brought up, but accepted me and wanted to be with me. And that isn’t something that’s very sustainable because this is a profound thing that happens and it’s going to come up.

And so, yeah, it’s interesting how different things amongst this, like the video itself and me being in the video or a victim of it wasn’t necessarily the detriment to our relationship or relationships I’ve had, but more so my wanting to speak out against it and wanting to actually articulate, actually, yeah, this is…this isn’t okay. That was more uncomfortable to a lot of people. And so that’s been really interesting. what it has done, and I will say this, because it is sad, does affect every relationship. But it is also like, I have an FBI family.

It’s really crazy. The person who actually caught Michael Pratt is a US Marshal. He’s not an FBI agent, wasn’t any attorney, it’s a US marshal. And he is like the dark knight of San Diego because he gets called in when nobody can catch the person, right? Like, Pratt got put on the FBI’s top 10 most wanted list. There was a decent bounty out for him. Somebody called this guy in the marshals and said, I bet you can’t find him. And he did.

At Wolfe, Matthew Wolfe’s arraignment, this marshal came and before we would go into the courtroom we would have a conference room where the prosecution would explain things, answer questions, and then we’d all walk together. And we were in that conference room and this marshal comes from the back and he’s like, I just gotta say something. You guys aren’t victims. And we’re like, we’re gonna check that? Like who is this guy? And he goes, because victims don’t do what you guys did.

He goes, because you guys, I sat next to Michael Pratt on that plane from Barcelona back to San Diego. That dude’s a fucking terrorist. You guys are warriors. And he started to get emotional. I had never seen this man in my life. And I was like, what’s going on right now? Like, what is this?

And I’m personally somebody that I don’t identify with the victim.I don’t like being referred to as a victim. I’m a survivor, but now I’m a warrior. I’m a warrior, okay? Marshall says I’m a warrior. So he gets up there he’s like, guys are warriors. Warriors band together and they take down terrorists and this would not have happened if it were not for you guys. And he was so emotional that the prosecution was like, whoa, never seen you like that. And he like scurried to the back.

I tracked him down in the hallway and just was like, I can’t really articulate, but like, can you just write down on a post-it note the word warrior? And he was like, okay. So I got it actually tattooed to my wrist in his handwriting. And we’ve maintained contact just like, again, because it’s so moving for me to have lost so many relationships that I’ve had my entire life.

And then these people who didn’t get trafficked, didn’t have a family member get trafficked, didn’t have any affiliation other than a file being handed to them, care so much. Like that has actually, I think, changed my brain chemistry. If I didn’t experience that, if I didn’t go to court and I didn’t show up the way that they showed up for us, I don’t think I would be able to trust people. I don’t know that I’d do this interview. I don’t think I could talk about it because I’ve been failed so many times by people who either get blamed by or whatever it is. so going to court, getting to know the prosecution, getting to know the victim specialist, getting to know all of them, like fills me with so much gratitude.

I can just exist and they show up for me. Fills me with this same overwhelming amount of gratitude that it wasn’t worth it. And I don’t mean to say that like getting to walk in the hallway with those people knowing that makes it all worth it. It wasn’t. But it makes it not wasted. And they showed me who I could be, the way that they helped me.

I mean, I recently, just this last week, went to the retirement party of the FBI’s victim specialist. Just me, of all the victims, because she was the first person to contact me and not blame me, but to instead say, you didn’t do that. That happened to you. She took so much time. Like, I can’t even express.

I can go to any sentencing and not cry, but if I talk about the FBI and the individuals, it’s like I had a hard time processing because my entire life, and I’m sure it’s true for lot of young women and probably men too, when you’re not loved by the people that are just supposed to naturally love you, it’s so tempting to think there’s something wrong with you and you develop coping skills that you feel the need to prove your worth.

The GirlsDoPorn case and being coerced and being in that situation only kind of validated for my nervous system, you have to earn people’s love. They were only kind to me because I was complicit, right?

Going to court and hearing other girls’ stories, who didn’t, who spoke up and said, I’m not doing this, they did put camera equipment in front of the door. One girl tried to jump out of the window. Like, I know that I saved my life by complying.

But it also overwhelms me being in the presence of people that don’t expect anything of me. And they just show up. And for as many problems as our government has, I’m not blind to that. There’s something really, really unique about the way this even happened, that so many organizations within the government that don’t typically work together.

Like I have a framed photo on my wall right here in my office and it has a victim specialist, two FBI agents, an ATF agent, and the US marshal that caught Pratt along with a bunch of victims and a mother of a victim who’s no longer with us all together. And I’m just like that’s my family.

That is like for as horrendous as all this was, as awful as it is for the relationships that I’ve lost, I have found so much peace and gratitude in the relationships and unfortunate trauma bonds. But truly, the girls that I’ve gotten to know that are victims in this, I have and facilitate this group chat of survivors. It’s just survivors, there’s nobody else allowed in, and we’re up to 35 girls. And we have two moms in there of girls who are deceased.

They are some of the most incredible women. You would never believe that the women who were trafficked are the women that they are today. I mean, we’ve got a pilot. We have a doctor. A girl has her PhD. There’s a lawyer. She’s got her past the bar. I’m just so incredibly proud to have what I have today because of what has happened.

And that’s not, again, to say that I’m glad for what has happened. But to be able to see it through to this point and to have what I have and what we all have is like, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, truly. So yes, it is fractured relationships, it, know, trauma bonds are a hell of a drug, I don’t know. Like I would trust these people with my whole life. They’re so incredible. We talk almost every day. Yeah, so there’s a silver lining in that one.

Fight the New Drug (53:18)
Yeah, that’s such a beautiful and resilient perspective. Thank you for sharing that and trusting me with that, trusting us with that. And also, you are a warrior and you do deserve for people to show up for you without expectation of anything. And you certainly don’t owe anyone this story. And I’m grateful that you’re willing to share this here with us today, and so many stories that are tethered to this. I know some of our listeners may not be as familiar with this case.

Fight the New Drug (54:00)
I’m wondering if you can just give a couple minute overview of the GirlsDoPorn case for anyone who’s maybe unfamiliar with some of the names that we’ve said or generally how lawsuits happened. How would you kind of explain?

Mariah (54:18)
The GirlsDoPorn case was a criminal enterprise that created fictitious modeling ads that promised real modeling opportunity that were fully clothed opportunities.

The majority of women that they targeted were financially vulnerable and out of state. So the opportunity not only of modeling, of getting to come to California and not be financially responsible for the airfare or the hotel was really appealing.

Once they got girls there, or if a girl showed any type of hesitation, they would put her in contact with a reference model, which they said was a girl that had worked with them, that they could verify that it was safe, knowing that women tend to trust women over men. So that was just a pretty integral part of the…the criminal enterprise.

And once they got girls there, there were two men, two, one girl. And from my experience, was marijuana involved, but I have heard other experiences and other stories where there was more than just marijuana involved. And some instances where girls were given drugs. So once we were in the room, there really was no option to leave peacefully. Consent was never asked or given. It was told what we were going to do. That’s why the.production came out to look so consensual.

And after everything was produced on their end when they would upload it. They would also upload our personal identifying information to a website that Michael Pratt owned and operated called Porn WikiLeaks with the sole intention of that website to identify the girls on the videos and dox all of our personal information, which has created an online environment that has become very dangerous and jeopardized a lot of girls’ safety in that time.

But in 2021, the federal government officially began their prosecution of each member that they could prove without reasonable doubt. And that is when all of the girls started getting letters. And with each case, more and more girls kind of came out.

But Garcia and Pratt definitely had the most girls with Pratt having around 40 women in person to speak and give their victim impact statement. It lasted about four and a half to five hours. But that resulted in a 27 year prison sentence, which the government was asking for 21. And so in every single case, even the low hitting, you know, the admin people where the government had made a recommendation, the judge has always, always granted hire. So in a case where a lot of autonomy has been robbed and we were blamed for a really long it to be where is now, it is one of the largest sex trafficking cases that’s ever been prosecuted in California and US history.

It’s the second case in US history where a copyright was assigned to victims who were robbed of their image and exploited online with it.

Hopefully we can establish some serious policy change in lieu of everything that’s happened. Hopefully it’s just been a door opener and not where it goes to die. Because I believe in education, I believe we can help a lot of people, also stop this from happening in the way that it has happened and been so successful.

Fight The New Drug (57:58)
That was tremendously helpful. Thank you. It’s remarkable how you are able to distill so much into something. It’s so clear that you’re working with so many survivors and that this has been something you have given years of your life to. And and truly, I feel so honored to be able to have this conversation with you today.

Fight the New Drug (58:19)
Can I walk back a little bit to the moment that you learned that what happened to you wasn’t an isolated incident? What did that look like? And then the process of getting law enforcement involved and going to, to the courts, what was that process like?

Mariah (58:36)
So I had somebody send me a I think it was a CBS 8 news article. And they were doing an article over the lawsuit against Michael Pratt. This was before there was ever any law enforcement involvement. There was just a civil lawsuit against Michael Pratt. And the person sent it to me and they said, think you should read this. And so I’m like, okay. And I read it and by the end of it, my jaw’s on the floor because this lawsuit had 22 women.

So at that point, I’m just thinking 23 of us. This is, my god. You can’t even comprehend that. How did this happen 23 times? At the very bottom of that article, there was a letter. There’s a number for the FBI. And then there’s a number for the attorney representing these 22 girls. That if you had any information or you thought you might be a victim, reach out to one of those.

I think most people probably aren’t going to reach out to the FBI. That was not what I wanted to do. And so I reached out to the attorney and I just said, hey, I’m pretty sure that this happened to me too. And before he could say anything, I’m like, blah, blah, and told him everything. And he said, OK, yeah, yes, I think so too. But I’m a hands full. And I said, no, I don’t want money. No, no, no, I’m just processing that this. What is this? And he was able to, that was Brian Holm was that attorney.

He was able to name people Andre Garcia, Michael Pratt. And I’m just like, Andre Garcia was Dre to a lot of us. So it was like Andre, my gosh. So he was able to like validate in a way for me that like, I think I might. He’s like, no, I think you are too. So that was the first one.

And then I just kind of sat with it because what exactly do you do with that?That article didn’t name sex trafficking. It just was, they lied in this modeling ad, they’re suing because of that. And I’m like, yeah, they did. And so he said, I’ve got my hands full. I can’t, I can’t take anymore. And I said, no problem. I just want to help. If you need any help, like I don’t even need money. I just, I just want to help. And he was like, thanks, bye.

And it maybe was a couple of weeks to a month later, I got a letter in the mail from the FBI, which thankfully that was the first time that’s ever happened. So I didn’t know what it was. And I thought maybe I hadn’t committed, like maybe I committed tax fraud or something. Like I thought I was in trouble. Chat GPT wasn’t around, right? AI wasn’t really a thing back then. So this was 2021 and

Mariah (1:01:21)
I just decided to call the number at the top because I had a really fancy government seal and Suzie Naranjo is who answered. She was a victim specialist and she had sent me the letter and she was the one who sat down and I remember being like, I don’t think this is right because it says sex trafficking and she was like, yeah, what’s wrong with it? And I was like, well, that didn’t happen to me. And she was like, yeah, it did. And she recognized that I just like.

I think she thought I was more in denial, but I just genuinely, genuinely did not know what sex trafficking was. And so she’s giving me the legal definition. And I love her so much, but I just had to say, excuse me, can you explain this to me? Like you’re explaining it to like a fifth grader, please. Because like, just, this is all going way over my head. And so she literally said, Mariah, did you respond to modeling ad on Craigslist? And I’m like, mm-hmm.

And she goes, okay, did they tell you that it was going to involve any nudity? No. Okay. So they were explicitly telling you it was a clothes model. Yes. Okay. Did you go to a hotel? And I’m just like, who are you? How do you know all this? it just, cause nobody had spoken to it. The article didn’t even speak to the experience. just was the very outline of it. And so she, I mean, for probably an hour, over an hour, like, and then did this happen? And then this happened. And then it, and then you, your people started harassing you. And I’m like,Yes.

And then she goes, Mariah, that’s sex trafficking. They lied to get you there. You did not consent to that, and they made a lot of money off of it. And if you’re free, we’re gonna be sentencing the star, Andre Garcia, so we would love your support. And I’m like, wait a second, I didn’t do porn? And she was like, no, no, no, No, you were sex trafficked.

And she said, and one of the benefits, of the FBI recognizing you as a victim of sex crime is that if the harassment has been as bad as it usually is, you have the legal ability to anonymously change your name, your social security number, and have all of your mail directed to a PO box. And that was the first time without connecting to another survivor that somebody had spoken to how bad the doxxing was, that somebody had acknowledged that my personal information had been exploited in a way that I might actually need to change my fucking name and social security and have a private PO box for the rest of my life. So that was very like, so you can acknowledge that. What are my other protect, like what else?

So I was really energized to go to the sentencing, because I just like, I really thought I just did porn. I didn’t. mean to, but somehow. And that doesn’t stand up very well when you’re talking to people and trying to convince them you didn’t do it consensually.

So yeah, Suzie and I just, I love her so but she was the one who in my world was the first person to say, you did not do this.you are a victim and this is what happened. And I was like, okay, you’re right, my gosh.

And so she didn’t tell me the scope. She just said, if you’re available and you can come to court and speak on this, you have a right to give a victim impact statement. That’s right before sentencing. And that really helps the prosecution’s case. If you can come and bring a partner, because it’s going to be pretty emotional.

That was all she said and I I just didn’t…well I didn’t have a partner that was very supportive of talking about it or acknowledging it or really looking at it too much. So I went by myself and I also felt like well I got myself into this because I still couldn’t couldn’t process that like this had happened to me and so from then Suzie met me in the lobby of the federal building and she goes Where’s your support? And I said, no, I’m good, girl. We’re good. I got it. And she was like, no, no, you don’t get it.

And this is 2021, so we’re still in COVID times. So she takes me up to this conference room and she just looks at me she goes, I’ll be your support, don’t worry. And I’m like, in my head, right? I’m like, she’s probably smaller than Teddy. She’s tiny. And I’m thinking, girl, what are you talking about? And she opens this door and all the seats are spread out because of COVID. I mean, the whole room was packed. People were standing. I was like, wait, what? Are you kidding me? And that was the moment where you really almost can’t breathe. And you’re just like, all of us?

And then the prosecution starts talking and that was when we learned in that conference room for Andre Garcia was that they were responsible for doxing us. Nobody knew that. None of us knew.

And they were like, yeah, when we confiscated their stuff, we also found this. And we’re like, what do you mean? Because our prosecutor’s great, but she’s a prosecutor, so she’s a little like, yeah, and then, and then. And we’re like, wait, hold on, that was the most destabilizing part of this whole thing. Can we slow down? So it was a lot of information. It was incredibly overwhelming, but it was also like the lights turned on.

Fight the New Drug (1:06:51)
Yeah.

Mariah (1:07:02)
You know, for me, I had spoken earlier on, carrying a lot of guilt and I was feeling like I deserved what happened to me because I was so complicit. I didn’t try to leave. I didn’t. I just said, okay, whatever you want, whatever you want, whatever you want. I had to sit through hours of other women explaining what happened to them when they did leave. One girl specifically said, I ran out of the door and Andre, you ran after me down the hallway, took me to another room, assaulted me off camera and drug me back.

A lot of, the majority of victims were flown in and if they protested, they would cancel their flights in front of them and tell them that they had to call their parents and tell them what they were doing and that they needed to get them home unless they were to comply.

And so it was gut wrenching and for me, I had written on this literally like notebook paper, lined paper, my victim impact statement with a pen and it was like, I was 19 whenever. And I literally, they assigned letters to us that were speaking. I was letter U. That’s how many people were in front of me. And so I had heard the exact thing that I just wrote down over and over and over.

And I’m sure you probably are aware, but this is what I always like just to get people to understand like what that felt like building in the courtroom. You know when Larry Nassar was sentenced and that dad got up to the podium and just jumped at him? I genuinely felt like I was gonna do, like I was like, I’m about to get you charged, my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, y’all shouldn’t have called me. Like this is not safe for anybody because every girl got up there and said he raped me. He raped me.

His attorney got up and said, excuse me, you need to acknowledge that he’s not being tried for rape so you can’t acknowledge anything about rape and she couldn’t. She was like you have to acknowledge that that’s correct and all these girls were like like you heard this audible gasp and so you heard over and over these girls get up and say he raped me.

Andre Garcia had his mother I believe it was like two or three sisters and then like a niece like a child all these women and you would see his mother get up and walk out and then come back and get up and walk out like when she couldn’t handle it and I’m like watching this out of the peripheral while I listen to the same exact thing happen to me in different scenarios that I played out in my head.

Well, what if I would have done this? Well, what if I’d done that? And I knew in that moment that I had done the right thing. As hard as that is to say. Like, I knew that I had saved my life, but I was also about to probably end his because, my God, I had never experienced that type of emotion of hearing that.

And so I get up to the podium and I’m like, I can’t read this. I can’t read that, like, rip it. I was like, this says what everybody else, I literally can’t read this. This is incredible. And I was like, can I address him? She was like, sure, yeah, sure.
And I was like, your mom’s in the back of this courtroom. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me right now? You’re gonna make your mom not only come to federal court, but she hears how you raped all these. And I just went in and I kept going back and forth from him to the judge, because I was just so animated and I was so like every girl that had gotten up before me was like, sentence him to the max incarceration and I got out there and I was it was really embarrassing for me just because, now with all my therapy I’ve had I’m much better. I just don’t put that out there, but I was not expecting what I experienced the first time and I was alone and so I get up there and I looked at the judge and I said It’s not my place to tell you what you need to sentence him to but I will ask for the copyright because they had no right to do what they did and I don’t know what I’m gonna do with the copyright but maybe I can hire an attorney because I don’t know how to get this stuff down, I don’t know what to do and they don’t deserve to be the owners of it anymore. So please.

And then I like turned back to Garcia and he was, like his mom and sisters were very emotional in and out of the courtroom the entire sentencing. He was like this.

And so I’m like talking to him, talking at him, and he wouldn’t budge. And I just said, look at me when I’m speaking to you. And he kind of like snapped up and like looked at his attorney and looked at the judge. And I said, and so then he looked at me and I said, your mother is in the back of the courtroom listening to what she did to us. And he dropped his head and I had my Larry Nassar moment.

And I grabbed onto the podium and I said, look at me when I’m speaking to you. And I felt the judges eyes, like I screamed. And so in my head I’m like, hurry up, hurry hurry up. And I said, I have a son. And if he turned out even one degree to what you are today, they break my heart. So I feel for your mom right now. You did that.

And I went and sat down and I completely dissociated. I had to read court transcripts because everybody from that point forward remembered me as being the one that screamed at him, look at me when I’m speaking to you. Like people didn’t know my name, they just knew that. And so I go up and I’m like, hi, I’m in there like, we know. And so was really kind of like, I didn’t know if I had done something right or good or anything like that. I just was so overwhelmed by emotion. And at the restitution sentencing for Andre Garcia.

Mariah (1:12:47)
Judge Sanmartino’s granted us our copyrights, which is the second time in US history that’s ever happened. So that was really cool. And again, just adds to the overwhelming gratitude that the judge that we got, the prosecutors that we got, the agent, everything in this case, it’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn close. And we’re really, really lucky. hopefully we can make some serious change because of it and just build off.

Fight the New Drug (1:13:19)
And it takes so much courage to be able to go into that scenario and confront your abuser. And also to have just learned so much information about the situation, you know, right there in real time. so glad that you are all granted the copyright. I want to ask you a little bit about that.

But what do you wish people understood about how long and complex justice can be for survivors of trafficking?

Mariah (1:13:50)
Yeah, well, this was my first experience with being in the courts. And you learn very quickly that things get pushed back and stays happen all the time. I think Matthew Wolfe’s sentencing alone was broken up into two simply because he was being granted a new attorney.

From the inception of getting the letter and going to Andres Garcia’s, which was June of 2021, I believe, it’s 2021 for sure, but summer of 2021, to Michael Pratt sentencing September 8th of 2025. The very last case in the GirlsDoPorn federal case to be prosecuted is gonna be January 30th. And so it’s like, slower than molasses. And then you throw in government shutdowns, you throw in appeals, you throw in…restitution.

You have to learn a lot. And I think that that’s probably the most unfortunate thing about, especially being a victim in the legal system. Because if you’re the perpetrator, you have a lot of time to study and educate yourself on how the legal process works. when you’re a victim, you just kind of show up. And like you said, you get all this information that’s told to you. And then you’re like, for me, a big thing that I didn’t understand embarrassingly called out to the judge, which again, I’m like, Mariah, my God, is that I didn’t realize the court spoke in months. So I’m expecting to hear 20 years, 30 years, life in prison would have been great. And that’s not how they speak. So I spoke to the fact that the prosecutors were asking for some amount of months. And I got up to speak and I’m like, we’re talking about months? This has been years off my life. And the judge, I sat down and she’s like, okay, so just for clarification, that many months equates 12 years. And so at every single sentencing since that happened, whoever is sitting by me, I don’t know if this is planned, it’s not planned by me. So whoever sits by me.

Fight the New Drug (1:16:14)
Right.

Mariah (1:16:24)
And this happened at Pratt’s. We’ll have a calculator right next to them. And so it was, cause we’re all like at sentencing, we’re like clinging to it, right? And then we’re all clinging to it. And then now I’ve learned to like cling and then be like, and so at Pratt’s, was like, she threw out, cause there’s deductions, right? And that’s another high thing is when you’re at a sentencing and she’s like, well, you took responsibility. So that’s a four point deduction. You’re like, like hell he did. Are you kidding me?

He was on the FBI’s top 10 most wanted. Why are we rewarding any behavior? Like, what are you talking about right now? But that’s just how it works. That’s due process. “Due process”. And it doesn’t always feel like due process. The prosecution, this is not to say anything negative about them, but it’s never almost never gonna go how you want it or think it should go. I thought.

Rightfully so, Michael Pratt should have gotten a life sentence because his crimes carried the maximum of a life sentence. There were 573 girls. I don’t know the number of minors. I know there’s 15 dead. And so I assumed that you would just naturally go for the jugular.

And I said, doesn’t this crime carry a life sentence? Well, it can. And I said, so why aren’t we going for that? Well, because we still want him to enter the plea. We still want him to take the plea deal. And I said, so if he doesn’t, what are we gonna ask for? Probably 30. Wait. What? Why? So that’s a really hard thing because you just don’t have any control. And there’s nothing I could say, you know, that’s going to move her needle from a 21 recommendation to life in prison. And so it’s both cathartic and heartbreaking, sometimes all in the same sentencing. ⁓ But it’s definitely a marathon and not a sprint.

Fight the New Drug (1:18:31)
What gaps did you notice in the system that were meant to support survivors, but it made you realize something more was needed? Where were there gaps where survivors need more support in these systems?

Mariah (1:18:44)
Well, just the fact that we can prosecute and we can verify that this is non-consensual content that should not be consumed, but there’s no follow-up to remove that content. All of that falls on the victim, which there’s a, you know, I work now in the content space and the consulting space for educating people about this very thing, the gaps in the policy needed to fill that.

With an event like this with the internet, the trauma is constantly relived because there are not enough protections for non-consensual imagery on the internet in the way that there are for children. And I get that, right? With children material, it’s easy to say all of that is non-consensual because a child cannot consent to that. What we’re experiencing as victims of GirlsDoPorn is that we have verified that this is the largest sex trafficking case that’s ever been prosecuted. That’s monumental.

This is the second time in US history that a judge has ever granted a copyright for a case for non-consensual imagery on the internet. That’s massive. And I can tell you exactly all the holes in policy and why copyright doesn’t work when it is assigned for content that is non-consensual. But also for ours that’s been viewed billions of times, downloaded hundreds of thousands of times. It’s on foreign websites that don’t stand the jurisdiction of a copyright, let alone US or federal law.

And so, you know…when you have an exploitation case, that’s one thing. When you have an exploitation case mixed with the internet and now we’re seeing AI stuff with Grok and God knows what the future is going to bring with that. It’s just, it becomes almost complex post-traumatic stress. The responsibility is put on me to find where that content is, to contact the web host, to say, hey, you’re violating my copyright. Wait for a response. If I get one, if I don’t get one, then I have to go, if I don’t want to pay for somebody else to do this, to Google to get it de-indexed off of Google, which means that it’s still alive, that link still exists, but Google acknowledges that that’s not supposed to be there, so they take it off of Google.

Then what we’ve also found is because of like transparency tools like the Lumen database, if you have a copyright, which is very, very rare, and also being acknowledged, and I think this is an important thing to say, being recognized by law enforcement as a victim of sex trafficking in the US, statistically, less than 1%. That means 99% of women are blamed for their own exploitation, which…if you were for prolonged period of time, even after going to the police for help, you’re going to get into drugs. There’s the societal effect that this plays on not just women, but their families. My case alone has 15 women that are dead.

You know, so you can’t continue to ignore sex trafficking and you can’t continue to pretend that it’s only happening in massage parlors and that it’s only happening to certain types of people. No, like, I grew up in Missouri. I was in the front pew of church every, I was baptized. I went to summer camps. I went to church camps, vacation Bible school. Like, this is happening everywhere.

There’s a victim in the girls who porn case in every single United States in the UK, Canada and Brazil.

So I just think that the thing that people should understand about modern day trafficking or trauma and how it relates to being associated with a case like this or online exploitation is that it never really goes away, unfortunately. And the burden is placed on the victim. And so for me,
like I’ll go and try to be proactive about taking my content down, but that almost always means you have to look at the comments to scroll all the way down. And I’m exposed to all of these different, know, cause as if the messages that I get still 10 years after the fact aren’t enough. You know, it’s, it’s really creepy.

And it is scary, you know, if you do have kids, and you’re a part of this case, you almost have to accept that unless the laws do catch up, there’s nothing that’s gonna stop your kids from seeing a video of you being assaulted, even though the government can verify that that’s not consensual, and that that was sex trafficking, but we can’t enact policy or do something beyond taking the burden off of victims.

It’s just like, it’s incredible.

Fight the New Drug (1:24:00)
Yeah. Yeah.

It’s so, I mean, it’s truly heartbreaking that these are the results of the systems that we have in place and that we are failing victims and survivors in this way.

Can we talk a little bit about Undox? Tell me about where the idea came from and for anyone who’s unfamiliar with online exploitation, tell us a little bit about the circumstances that Undox can help with.

Mariah (1:24:25)
So Undox was born out of my own need for content removal. When I got the copyrights, when we all got the copyrights, we were also put in contact with somebody who could help us with content removal. I spent a lot of money only to realize that the copyright wasn’t a solution. The content was so widespread, it’s on foreign websites that don’t comply with U.S. jurisdiction and that…again, unless you come out of pocket and pay somebody else, which is almost always paying an automated system to do your copyright or to do your content removal, that responsibility falls on you. And so when I couldn’t afford to do that, I learned how to do that and kind of, I mean, got had to become desensitized to going and searching on these graphic websites to find content just to report it.

And obviously you learn a lot from actually getting your hands dirty and doing the work. so I now like to say that I do more consulting work because, again, until there’s more policy, until there’s stronger policy, content removal with the internet and AI doesn’t really work. Like, unless it’s child material, getting adult content, even in a case like ours that’s websites aren’t…there’s nothing that makes them comply, right? Because they’re not, there’s no jail time. Nobody’s going to come forward. I can bring a civil lawsuit against them. I have to come out of pocket for an attorney. I have to gather the data. And for the vast majority of people that are victims of online exploitation, that re-traumatization process is so overwhelming and sets you back so many years of work that nobody actually wants to do that. And that content lives online forever.

And again, we have a lot of moms and the idea that their children will inevitably see that content that the government can validate and verify is non-consensual. We didn’t agree to do this. This wasn’t something we wanted to do but not remove it. In one of the wealthiest countries in the world. what are we talking about?

Because it’s not, I mean, clearly we don’t have a prosecution problem. We have a sovereignty problem. And so that becomes a national security problem. So again, I give praise. give flowers where needed. But I’m also, from lived experience, can speak very, very confidently about what can be established to actually help survivors while also saying thank you for the copyright. But you can keep that.

Fight the New Drug (1:27:14)
It’s so important to be able to do that, I think, to be able to know I’ve been through this process these are where there are holes in the system these are where we need better resources and better support especially as technology evolves and and exploitation online is is evolving just as rapidly, and we need to be able to have safeguards in place to to keep up that we’re not making survivors responsible to be the ones mitigating fallout from something that they didn’t choose to do. And I think it’s important to have these conversations to make sure that we’re all aware of those aspects of things.

Can you describe what it looks like for you to be a victim liaison?

Mariah (1:27:59)
Yeah, so it wasn’t something that they reached out to me. They did not contact me. It was like, Mariah, we need your help.

In conversation that I was having with the victim specialist, Suzie. We have, ever since the first sentencing, we’ve just always bonded over shoes and designer and just trauma. So I would call her with a question, and we’d always have some side conversation about something else.

And in one of those conversations, she said, man, just don’t really understand how many girls I contact that are angry at me. And I’m like, what? What do you know? You’re right. What are you talking about? You’re like an angel. What do you mean? And she goes, well, a lot of these girls that I contact already went to law enforcement. And they didn’t help them. And so for me to contact them and say, hey, we need your help now, they don’t want anything to do with that. And I just like, that wasn’t my experience. So I didn’t think that that could happen.

And so when she explained that, was like, yeah, if I would have gone to law enforcement, I probably wouldn’t have even called the FBI. Like, I understand that. And so I said, my gosh, Suzie, so what happens? when you contact a girl and she goes, well, I just had this one girl yell at me because her husband didn’t know. And I’d sent mail to her house. And like, she yelled at me not to do that again. And was like, again, Suzie, for me, has almost become like a mother figure. And I just was like, oh, no, no, no. No, that’s not happening. if that happens again, Suzie, if you catch, you know, if you get in contact with somebody that is really angry, but clearly needs support, please you have my permission to give them all of my information. And that is really important just because obviously with a case like this and like anonymity is everything. So I was like, please, like if you get a girl and she doesn’t want to participate, but she needs support, please let me in some way, you know, if that’s going to be helpful for you. And she was like, I can’t do that. No, no, no. That’s not how the FBI works, but thanks. And I’m like, OK, well, it stands, right?

Because again, I’m somebody that like, I get really overwhelmed with emotion. I don’t really know what to do with it, right? So I’m just like, I got to do something. Let me help. Can I help? I want to help you. Let me move. Let me do something. And so I put it out there, and she was like, no, can’t. I can’t accept that. But I appreciate the offer. Two hours later, she called me. And she said, Mariah, I think I need some help.

I’m like, what’s up? And she goes, I just have this girl that’s on the edge. Like she’s right on the ledge. And I just, I can’t seem to talk her down. Like I seem to agitate her more. And I said, well, did you share my contact? And she was like, I just want to know that that’s still okay. And I was like, always, but especially so if you have concerns for her safety. And so that was the first conversation.

And it usually starts with an email. Suzie will connect us via email. I’ll…jump in and just privately email her my phone number or she’ll send me her phone number, we’ll coordinate a time. And it’s really interesting because again, there’s no training. I didn’t get any like, don’t say this, say this. It just, you know, I just got on the phone with her and a lot of girls are like, I don’t know what you expect me to say. I just don’t want to expect you to say anything. I just want to share with you what I experienced and how Suzie in particular in the government has been really instrumental in my healing.

And I literally started the same way started this. So I responded to a model ad on Craigslist. It was fully clothed. I like literally as if it didn’t happen to them, I just tell them what happened. And that’s probably why I can talk about what happened to me. I’ve taken probably 50 phone calls, I’m not kidding, of different girls in different scenarios and every single time, they hear my story and at different points, right, whether it’s the menstruation sponge, whether it’s the doxing, whether it’s contacting the men, like multiple things that only somebody who went through the same thing could speak on, you hear, my god.

And then when I’m done, they just tell me what they’ve never been able to tell anybody. And sometimes it’s been really heavy. In particular, there’s…when I went to Pratt Sentencing, that was the very first sentencing that a mother of a deceased victim came to court. And all my connections with Suzie, she didn’t warn me, so I didn’t know. I…I know certain things about this case that I think a lot of people don’t because of my relationship, but I didn’t know that. And when I was in court and she got up to speak, she got up to speak before me, when she said her daughter’s name, I literally almost threw up because I had spoken with her daughter. Suzie had put me in contact with her daughter before she had died and I like could, it just was such a like, my god, I couldn’t do enough. I didn’t do enough for her. My god, my god. Like, it was so destabilizing to hear her mom speak, having spoken to her daughter. And her daughter, when I spoke to her…

The very first thing she said was, I can’t even process what happened in San Diego because I just escaped another situation very similar to that in LA. And nobody is listening and no cops are paying attention. And I need somebody in the FBI to look into this.

And so I’ve taken so many calls like that. They last for hours and they’re at every, there are many hours of the night I’ve met victims in person. Yeah, it’s really heavy, but at the same time, it’s what Suzie was able to do for me in a way.

I not exactly, but I’ve been able to see how incredibly helpful it is, especially in a case like this, that there’s no reporting of anything like this ever happening. The societal idea of human trafficking doesn’t match what happened to us. And a lot of girls went back to do more, being able to speak on, and I went back, and I did more than one. There’s no judgment around something that you’ve been judged on all across the internet and by your own families. And so really creates a really devastating but an immediate trauma bond. You you feel like you’re completely alone in this world drowning and nobody sees it. And then somebody throws you a life buoy and says, see you and I know it’s not your fault.

And so it’s it’s again, it’s been really heavy at times, you know. And it has allowed me to build the group chat and the support that we all have now. And I’ll still get emails from the government that, so-and-so needs support. Are you OK with that? And I’ll be like, for sure. Let me talk to her. I’ll talk to her, and then I’ll add her to my group chat. And yeah, I think we started with like 10, 10 to 15 girls, and now we’re up to 35. Yeah.

Fight the New Drug (1:35:20)
How has connecting with these survivors helped to shape your healing and sense of purpose?

Mariah (1:35:28)
Well, so when you’re, and I’m really hopeful, my hope in doing this is that a victim of GirlsDoPorn that maybe wasn’t identified or doesn’t have the support of a group chat or Suzie or anything like that hears this and is like, my God, that’s what I need. Because when you’re isolated, you don’t have the support and you don’t fully understand how widespread the content is. Like our content has been viewed billions of times.

When we start to get doxed, because that still happens, that group chat is the first place that people are like, hey, do you know this person? They follow this person, and this person, and this person. Hey, did you get this email? Or hey, do you know what this email about court means? But not only that, it also it’s like one of our girls in there, she just started subbing. And so she was like, it’s my first day subbing. I’m so excited. And we really just get to celebrate each other.

You know, I recently went through a divorce and I had probably two or three girls from my group chat text me outside and be like, me too. Let’s get through this together. And so it really, like, it’s like, you know, I think we all have at least one friend that you don’t see on a regular basis because they live so far away, but the connection is so deep and so true that you see them and it’s like, you pick up right where you were.

Michael Pratt unfortunately created a coalition of women. Like I have a cool ass friends trauma bonded to me in every single US state and Canada. Again, I’m really a big believer in perspective. You can either make, you can get better or you can get bitter with whatever has happened to you. And none of us have control over what happens to us. It’s all about how we respond. And trauma lives in your body like energy. It can either metastasize and make you really sick and really cynical of the world and of people, or you can look at it and say, wow, these agents didn’t have to do what they did.

You know, and two things can be true. I can acknowledge how fortunate and how amazing the government was in this case. And I can acknowledge that they really failed a lot of women if we’re really still at that statistic of 0.5% of victims being recognized. We need to do better and we need to do better with our policies so that aftermath doesn’t fall on victims. That just doesn’t make sense.

Fight The New Drug (1:37:56)
I want to ask you, know, going into situations like this, having these types of conversations, do you take care of yourself while doing this work that kind of keeps you in the trenches of these experiences?

Mariah (1:37:58)
Well, like I said, I’ve tried a lot of different therapeutic modalities. I’ve tried your typical talk therapy. I’ve tried the psychedelic approach. I’ve tried medication. I’ve tried literally everything you can imagine. But for me, art is extremely cathartic.

You know, for a long time, I really did struggle with the online chatter. And when you’re so young and you read a lot of the same thing, like for me, I read a lot that I was a waste of space, that like, what a pretty face, but a waste of life. And so I carried a lot that like, I was some dirty or gross person that didn’t deserve nice things or anything like that. And so whenever I started to dabble in art and gained some confidence with that, that was something that for the first time kind of put me in the zone.

I didn’t need a substance to not think about what had happened to me. didn’t need, you know, I could just get really into my music and eventually started to make some really pretty things. And I was really proud of the art that I was creating. Mosaics were really cathartic for me, you know, learning the process of cutting glass to create something more beautiful or an image that only you can see in your head. And then whenever you do it, somebody else sees it and validates it. I think that’s been really cathartic for me, again, in a situation where you kind of, your path of healing is kind of based on other people validating that this didn’t, you didn’t do anything wrong.
And so I get my own validation with the art. I don’t need anybody’s validation. I feel really good about it and I don’t even sell it. I donate it to charitable organizations.

I just recently donated one of my surfboards, because I do a lot of my art on surfboards. And I donated a mosaic surfboard to Generate Hope, which is an organization in San Diego that services victims of sex trafficking and offers them immediate housing. They help them with their education if they need to finish a GED or how to get enrolled in college. It’s just a really incredible organization and something that I definitely wish I knew of whenever I was being doxed and going through it. And so, you know, I think for me what’s really been cathartic just looking at the people who are there to help.

You know, anywhere you go, you’re gonna have somebody that’s probably not there with the best intentions, but truly there’s more good that outweighs the bad. And just trying to become the light that I didn’t have, but have kind of been surrounded by after the fact. Because again, I have to acknowledge that without this having happened, I wouldn’t have the support of so many people that I do have today. I wouldn’t have the coalition of women, you know, that we rally around each other for everything. You know, we really are like a family and it’s only going to grow. And it’s been so helpful and cathartic also though. So that’s been a really, another part is just connection with people who get it. And that can be hard with partners because, you know, sometimes you, you’re like, yeah, you get it, but you don’t get it. And the way that so-and-so gets it or so-and-so.

But to be able to have that to be able to say okay you hear me But I’m gonna go over here and talk to women who really get it. It’s so cathartic because you know, you’re not crazy, you know and going through something like online exploitation and doxxing and You know, it makes you feel crazy because again, we immediately assume blame we assume guilt and so yeah art and then just genuine connection with people who even people who I’ve known my whole life and had my back whenever I was being doxed. You know, didn’t partake in the comments, didn’t think it was funny, stood up for me and said, no, she’s a great person. That’s not, something’s more here.

So, you know, I like to joke that I am one of the rare positive things that have come from this is that I know who my real friends are. At a very young age, I got to see exactly who my friends really were. And that’s a gift.

You know, don’t have, I mean, I’ve got my girls, but other than that, I don’t really have a big circle. But I know the people who are in my circle really, really have my back, you know, and that is a huge, huge blessing. When you don’t have family support, you create it where you can. And I’m really fortunate for what I have in these girls.

And even with the people who are still working the streets and sex trafficking cases, they care so much because they learn so much about us and about the case. And so I just have more gratitude that I try to pay attention to. And that really helps me on my days where, yeah, I have days where I’m like, this is so wrong. This isn’t fair. This isn’t right.

Once you get to a point of changing your perspective from saying, like, why did this happen to me? I didn’t deserve this. This isn’t right. To saying, well, what can I do with this? And what can this teach me? Well, you know, I’m going to be a great mom. I’ll tell you that. You know, I’m going to act in a different way than maybe my mom did. If ever, hope I’m not, but if I’m ever confronted with a situation similar, I’ll be acting from a more trauma-informed place. You know, I feel like.

Yeah, you can just, you can get better, can get bitter. And every day I try to make a conscious decision to get better and to use what happened to me to help other people.

Fight The New Drug (1:43:51)
So beautifully said and so evident in the way that you’ve spoken about this and the work that you’re doing. For any survivors listening who may be feeling overwhelmed or erased, what do you want them most to hear?

Mariah (1:44:07)
It’s just not your fault, you know? And that there’s a lot more support than you realize that…that you’re not crazy. Because certain situations, it doesn’t have to be trafficking. You could go through a breakup, right? And the things you experience and the thoughts that enter your head, like certain situations that we go through in life really do make us crazy. And then certain people validate that. And you’re not. You’re not crazy. It’s not your fault. And there is support.

And you can take what has happened to you and still have a really beautiful life. That’s not dependent on another person choosing you. It’s not dependent on your worth as a human being. The world needs who survivors were meant to be before what happened to them. I’m not doing interviews. I’m not going around trying to be like, be like me.

But I just want people to know that doing the work works.That if you commit to yourself, for yourself, and let that process happen and know that healing isn’t linear, you’re going to be okay, and sometimes even better. You I really do think that in a really sick way, I’m a better person because of the perspective I’ve gained from what happened to me. I wouldn’t know that this was happening to women unless it happened to me. And even if it happened to a friend of mine, I wouldn’t understand the gaps in policy. I wouldn’t understand the things that I understand to be able to take what I know and to try to actually enforce real change for other people and for generations that are coming up with the internet.

So just know that you are so much, if you’re a survivor and you haven’t been identified, any of that, you’re so much stronger than you realize and that you’re not alone, unfortunately. But fortunately, you have support and a lot of people, even who weren’t trafficked, want to help you. And I think that that is so moving for me, at least. I get really emotional when I think about that.

Fight The New Drug (1:46:14)
Thank you for sharing that. Is there anything we haven’t spoken about yet today? You’ve been so generous your vulnerability and what you have shared with us, but is there anything we haven’t spoken about that you wanted to mention today?

Mariah (1:46:27)
I think there’s one thing that I think a lot of viewers would relate to that they’ve never thought about and this is something that came up in therapy for me which I was like oh my gosh and even if it’s not part of this case but we’ll just use a case as an example when you’re a victim of sexual assault course there’s going to be trauma and PTSD associated with that but what a lot of people don’t realize is that the crippling insomnia that a lot of survivors of sexual assault have is your body remembering the bed as a crime scene.

So it’s almost the equivalent of, like for the GDP case, I can see a screenshot. I’m sitting on a bed. And as Gabor Mate’s famous book, your body will always remember certain details about some of worst things that have ever happened, even if your brain forgets. And so something that I’ve really been working on and I’m not there yet, trust me, is that I have pretty crippling anxiety and it’s not necessarily that I lay and I get in a bed and my brain is automatically like, oh my gosh, remember what happened in that hotel? No. But it’s my brain will go and go and go and go to keep my body from remembering what happened in a bed. It would be the equivalent of somebody getting shot in the street and expecting to go back there every single day and like meditate there, right? Like this place of peace becomes a crime scene that your body can’t forget.

And so I think there’s a lot of victims of sexual assault that also struggle with crippling anxiety and crippling insomnia and they don’t correlate the two. And so there’s a lot, like for me, I have to use a sleeping aid. Otherwise I literally won’t sleep. And for years I’ve been like, what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong? Nothing. So that’s maybe another part of like, if you’re a victim and you have horrible insomnia or maybe you sleep on the couch.

But for victims of sexual assault, the bed becomes a crime scene and our body is not able to register that that’s a safe place. Like that is such an unspoken part of the trauma that lives inside your body because it’s not just a one event. It’s something that you are reminded of over and over and over.

I mean, you want to talk about intimacy with a partner of your choosing on a bed and think your body doesn’t respond in a certain kind of way. So the process of healing goes far beyond a therapist’s office. It goes far beyond the internet. And like it truly, with this type of crime impacts every ounce, every corner of your life in a way that a lot of people don’t think about.

So, that’s kind of where I’m at with things. It’s like, I’ve really adjusted my life to adapt to living with the aftermath of this. And I understand there are certain things that are now my responsibility, whether I deserve it or not. So now my focus and my energy is more on, okay, so what can we change? What do we have control over? And let’s focus on that. But yeah, I just, if, if there’s anybody who after something like an event, like a sexual assault or a trafficking event or anything like that in affiliation with a bed and you have insomnia, don’t think that’s a coincidence. Listen to your body and I wish I had more of an answer as to how to solve that. So if you’ve got tips, I don’t know, let me know. Send me an email.

Fight The New Drug (1:49:51)
Yeah, but such an important reminder of how many, you know, every aspect of your life has been affected by this. And for so many survivors, that’s true. And people often don’t think about it, especially with individuals who are exploited in pornography. You know, so many people
exist in this world where pornography is normalized and think that all pornography is consensually made, everyone is happy to be there, and as you mentioned, you were there for eight hours and things are cut and spliced and this wasn’t consensual and you were coerced and literally sex trafficked and someone who’s consuming this content wouldn’t have known that. And I think so important just to note that,

Fight The New Drug (1:50:42)
it wasn’t that singular event. It’s the continued impact that it has and it is significant. And it’s important that we talk about that. It’s important that survivors know they’re not alone in that. It’s important that listeners know that what they think they’re seeing, they have no idea what they’re actually seeing in so many instances. And that’s why it’s important you’re willing to speak openly about this.

I truly, it has been such an honor to get to have this conversation with you. I’m so grateful. I know that, that I say this often on this podcast because we get to speak to some of the most just remarkable human beings. But I know that this is a conversation that listeners will hear and it will impact the way that they view these issues and that matters, and I want to thank you for being willing to share your story so vulnerably and so openly with us.

Mariah (1:51:39)
I couldn’t have imagined the heights and the gratitude that I feel. So I’m grateful for you and I’m grateful for the opportunity and just Fight the New Drug.

Dude, I’ve got a poster in my garage right now, okay, that says pornography is the, what is it? The marketing department for trafficking, sex trafficking. And then I was like, no, I’m doing an interview. That’s so crazy. Like y’all are in my garage where I do work. Like I’m in the zone with you in the background. That’s so cool.

So I’m just really grateful for the conversation, you know, because again, that’s how we change things. That’s how we normalize and we, we educate people. So I’m grateful for the opportunity. And I do hope that it’s able to help people understand. And I understand that I could, you know, you can give the best interview and people still are going to have their opinions and I respect that. But if we can help somebody, then great. And yeah, just grateful to the opportunity.

Fight The New Drug (1:52:30)
Thank you so much