Fight the New Drug (00:00)
Ryan thank you so much for joining us on Consider Before Consuming today.

I’m really looking forward to get to have this conversation with you and share this with our listeners. Can you start by telling us a little bit about yourself and the work you do in the mental health field?

Ryan Ridgway (00:12)
Yeah. So, 10 years ago, I was the deputy manager for our national health service in the United Kingdom, got close to mental health teams, branched out on my own to teach mental health first aid, mental health support. And that’s gone into areas of addiction support as well. I am a former Samaritan. That’s like our crisis helpline in the UK. I teach our main mental health charity in the UK. But the thing I think that qualifies me the most is I’ve had my own journey with mental illness, live with it from about the age of 12, earliest memory. And it was only five years ago, I spent time in a mental health hospital as a result of my mental illness. think that lived experience counts for more than anything in terms of qualifications or PhDs and things like that.

Fight the New Drug (00:58)
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us. What first sparked your interest in conversations about mental health and also pornography, which we’re here to talk a little bit about today?

Ryan Ridgway (01:08)
Back in my day, I think I get to say that at the age of 44, mental health wasn’t a conversation. So you were almost encouraged to keep it in, don’t talk about it, you know, hide it away. And I’ve seen that transition over the years when we went from don’t talk about that to, know what, I’m going to share my lived experience. And if I do that in the right way, it might form part of someone else’s survival guide. within that 10 years of teaching and meeting great people, more and more people have approached me afterwards and said,

You know what, given what we talked about today, I think I’ve got a problem with pornography. I think it’s a habit and even an addiction. And that’s increased dramatically. So that firsthand experience of people pulling me aside after the training and saying, you know, that thing we talked about, can I ask you about that? And then I’ve realized that I’ve had my own journey with recovery with that as well.

Fight the New Drug (02:01)
Yeah, as you reflect back on those experiences, what role did pornography play early on for you?

Ryan Ridgway (02:08)
I remember the days before the internet. So again, I’ve seen that transition of magazines and the old VHS tape. You had to kind of borrow out of your dad’s drawer. And then suddenly the internet, you know, became a thing. And that was really kind of scary in the fact that addiction: pornography has got three A’s, no other addictions ever had. It’s anonymous. No one knows it’s accessible 24 seven, you know, through a laptop or a smartphone or a tablet and it’s affordable. It’s absolutely free. No other addiction, gambling, alcohol, drugs can fit those three A’s and that seek for dopamine, that if that’s your thing, I’m seeing more people ringing sick for work and lose jobs and for me it crept in through the back door 1 % per day, know, fun, fun with problems and just problems. It was a bit of a lifelong 20-year journey with pornography to the point where I went, you know what, I’ve got a problem with this. I’ve lost the power of control and it’s having a detrimental effect on my life.

Fight the New Drug (03:13)
Yeah, what was it like to come to that realization to recognize that this was something that was really affecting you?

Ryan Ridgway (03:20)
It was hard because it’s something that when I kind of realized no one’s really talking about and it’s something that’s almost societally celebrated. You know, like I’m gambling, the sense of I’m gambling, get gambling adverts and alcohol and you know that bravado amongst men as well. It’s almost like normalized and usualized. So yeah, it wasn’t like a sudden, wow, I’ve got a problem with this. It just crept into the point where I went, I need, I need to change this.

Fight the New Drug (03:40)
Right.

Ryan Ridgway (03:50)
It’s removing the joy in everyday life. know, going for a walk, having a chat with a friend, a coffee, that wasn’t of interest anymore. It just lost its purpose to the point where it is kind of owning my life. And I had to make a change, and I didn’t really know where to go or how to start that conversation.

Fight the New Drug (04:08)
Yeah, which is such a common experience that we hear from individuals who have a habit that’s something that escalated to something they maybe never thought it would and recognizing that it is causing difficulty in their life. I want to ask you a little bit about, you’ve been open about your OCD diagnosis and for people who might not understand obsessive compulsive tendencies, how can something like OCD show up in relation to pornography use?

Ryan Ridgway (04:34)
Very easily. So, typically people think OCD is about germ phobia or being neat and tidy, but there’s lots of different subcategories it can attach to. So, typically it’s religion, one of a sexual nature. It can be causing harm to others, things like that. So because there’s a subcategory of a sexual nature, if someone were into pornography and consuming that, then it could easily manifest in so many different ways. The person could have intrusive thoughts about the video they’ve just watched or intrusive thoughts about, you know, inappropriate behaviour around sex or extreme behaviours. And even though we know now, because there’s more education about OCD, when the person worries about that thing, it’s almost the opposite of their moral compass. But the person might think, wow, is that me? Why am I thinking these things? And they try to wrestle with those intrusive thoughts and it can have a really detrimental effect on someone’s OCD or mental illness.

Fight the New Drug (05:33)
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. As you’ve kind of discovered that relationship, have you heard from others who’ve experienced something similar?

Ryan Ridgway (05:42)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely have lots of people approach me about obsessive compulsive disorder and find it really hard to talk to other people about it who don’t understand because it’s quite taboo. How do you explain to someone who doesn’t understand OCD, the having of these intrusive thoughts? Typically, people will react with, I can’t believe you’re thinking that and that that’s you. So a lot of people will open up and share and talk because they find that relief in someone who understands that that isn’t them. It’s an intrusive thought. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a reflection on their person or their character. So a lot of people will reach out and share these things.

Fight the New Drug (06:20)
And I think that’s something that sounds similar to what we hear with individuals who discover that they have a pornography habit, that they often feel like they’re the only one that has, you know, lost control of this thing. How might someone recognize when a habit like pornography use is shifting into something that is more compulsive or harmful?

Ryan Ridgway (06:41)
I think it is quite hard to recognize without awareness. And that’s why I love what you guys do. I love, I love the site. I love the data and the sharing of information. So without that, it’d be quite hard to realize that this thing that everyone thinks is acceptable and it’s okay. And it’s a bit of fun actually is got such a grip on someone’s life now. Call it the gift of desperation. Only when you’re rock bottomed, go, Whoa, hang on, what’s going on here? I need to change it. So for me, it was, it was,

Ryan Ridgway (07:11)
It was things like cancelling plans with friends and choosing to do that for fun rather than going to the gym and having that effect on my physical health, my mental health. It was almost like that was the only thing I could do to relax. And when I started to cancel plans, let people down and not walk the dogs, I just started to question that this isn’t fun anymore. is having a really, it’s just having a negative effect, and I need to change it.

Fight the New Drug (07:42)
It sounds like it became kind of your primary coping mechanism for whatever you’re experiencing in life.

Ryan Ridgway (07:48)
Yeah, 100% unprocessed stress. It was the go-to. If I had an amazing week at work and I’d showed up for everyone, I’d ticked all the boxes of responsibility. They’d be like, right, now I can allow myself some space to do that thing, the the trance state of addiction as well. So maybe you’ve got a really busy week of work. You’re like, right, I have to do all this stuff. But on Saturday or Sunday, I’m going to get some time for me. No one’s going to know.

But in that moment, when you make that decision, that’s almost like the addictive process has started. You’re fast-forwarding your life to get to that day or that point where you could do that thing. So your whole life kind of centers around it. And it was, it was that it was like this, this isn’t a way to live. This is, this is turned into something, something nasty and something I need to change.

Fight the New Drug (08:38)
Right. And we know from research with behavioral addiction that you’re triggering that reward pathway in the brain, right? And some of that is related to the hormones that you’re chasing to feel good, like dopamine and serotonin, right? You’ve mentioned dopamine stacking before. Can you explain what that means and why it’s something that people should be aware of?

Ryan Ridgway (09:00)
Yeah, I think I’ve just kind of gave it that name, but more and more people are approaching me and saying, look, you talked about porn addiction, didn’t consider it to be addiction, but I’ve got a problem with that. And then they add to that, you know what I’ve realised is, know, pornography use or consumption is more exciting when I’m drunk. So now I’m combining alcohol with pornography, or it’s even more kind of exciting and driven when I’m on cocaine or drugs so that you’ve not just got the standard addiction, people are now choosing to do the two together, which can give it that extra layer of complexity.

Fight the New Drug (09:34)
And what kind of impact can that combination of, you know, multiple behaviors or substances have on someone’s, you know, mental health and recovery journey?

Ryan Ridgway (09:46)
I think it can make it harder because you’re not just combating that one thing. You’re now combating two. You know, you take a substance, the effect that’s going to have on your neurotransmitters, brain chemicals, serotonin, combined with the pornography consumption. So the person can feel a little bit lost. Like, if I had those two things, do I go to AA or do I look for pornography recovery? You know, do I go to CA or NA?

It’s almost like you can feel like a bit of lost space because if I go to one of these support groups, it’s handling that thing. If I go to that, it doesn’t take that kind of dual diagnosis integrated treatment model into to care for the whole person as an individual. And actually, they’re dealing with these, these two things combined.

Fight the New Drug (10:34)
Right. And I think that can be really tricky because in almost all instances, seeking out substances or behaviors, pornography, gambling, things that you’ve mentioned already, are, as we talked about, coping mechanisms. And so if the solution isn’t addressing that root cause, then sometimes it’s not. We’re just looking at the symptom rather than the root cause.

Ryan Ridgway (10:56)
Yeah, that’s it. It’s almost like the solution to the problem, seeking these things out. And that was kind of how pornography started for me in a sense. I never wanted to be that person in a relationship that would cheat. I didn’t want to be that guy. you know, just that wasn’t for me. But how could I satisfy that kind of urge of cheating without cheating, if that made sense? It was almost like, I don’t want to be that guy. That’s not me morally. I’m not going to be that person.

Fight the New Drug (11:20)
Right.

Ryan Ridgway (11:24)
I don’t want to treat people that way, but there’s something there that I need to kind of resolve. And that’s where pornography was like the sticking plaster over that thing, that coping strategy. But that thing I used to cope, you know, that just got worse, got more, took over, and became the problem in itself.

Because I was watching porn, but didn’t want to cheat, you know, didn’t want to be that person, that’s where porn would be more attractive because you can kind of live out your fantasies and your realities via a screen without kind of doing it in reality.

I’ve got a friend who I know, you know, he’s, he’s, he’s very into dating apps and there’s a big connection there between he’ll consume pornography and then what he’s kind of seen on screen or who he’s seen, I want to go and seek that out and a dating app. then when that’s happened, he’s ticked the box, it’s onto the next. And it’s almost like this, this cycle of, you know, one, I want to kind of be with everyone, everyone of different hair color and size and tight. It’s just.

Yeah, it’s habitual. And he’s come to the realization that, you know, I think I’ve got a problem. And he started to talk about it.

Fight the New Drug (12:33)
Yeah, it’s almost like pursuing, you know, physical characteristics or body parts rather than pursuing a person for a relationship.

Ryan Ridgway (12:42)
That’s it. It’s not a relationship with the person. It’s that superficial body parts, hair color, eye coloor, all of that kind of stuff, rather than get to know the individual, their heart, their soul, and what makes them tick. Get to know them as a person. And I definitely think that poor consumption can accelerate that for people, where they just see people as possessions, as belongings, as options, rather than building something that’s meaningful and true.

Fight the New Drug (13:11)
Yeah. Within relationships that you were in, that you consumed pornography in, is that something that your partner knew about? Is that something that was kind of open and expected in relationships? Or do you feel like it was something you were really hiding in those relationships?

Ryan Ridgway (13:26)
100% hiding in every relationship apart from the current one. So my partner, she’s also in recovery. That’s where we met. And it was probably about three years into the relationship before I opened up and admitted to that, admitted to this consumption. But because she is in recovery and knows it can make, you know, take many different forms. She was very accepting of that. And even that moment of being honest with my partner for the first time and being okay, being okay to talk about rather than shut down and judged and condemned. That was a real relief.

Fight the New Drug (14:05)
Yeah. What did the process of recovery look like for you?

Ryan Ridgway (14:09)
It’s been a long journey. So initially, I went into cocaine anonymous,CA, and a 12-step program. but then I was eight months sober from everything, know, pornography, alcohol, drugs, but then I got sectioned. That’s when I spent time in a mental health hospital. And it was almost like in those programs, and you help loads of people. They can be amazing, but in there, it was removing these coping strategies, but they’re not really.

It didn’t really teach me or my group how to build the life you wanted. So I came out of hospital and then I paid for a therapist, an addiction specialist, great, great person. And I’ve been seeing them every two to three weeks for maybe two, two and a half years. So that was more a slower process of recovery. know, relapses happen.

There’s Unhooked podcast, is great. That’s Jeremy Lipswich, and he, he really helped me out. Your channel, your information that helped me. There was no one fix. It’s almost like, let me gather all this information and apply it in a way that works for me.Relay is brilliant as well. One of your sponsors, I use them. No one thinks, almost, like, if you do enough of those things, they might only help 1%. But when you do them all together, that’s 10%. And that’s another day.

sober. It’s another day without consumption. It’s another day when you’re building the life you want and moving further away from the life that you just don’t want.

Fight the New Drug (15:36)
Yeah. And with that, how did you shift that mindset from rather than just looking at what you wanted to stop, the behaviors you wanted to stop, into what you wanted to build? How did that look for you?

Ryan Ridgway (15:51)
Shifting that mindset, I think it was just over time, you just got so sick of this repetitive behaviour having a detrimental effect on your life. So one step at a time, one foot in front of the other and it kind of started that shifting mindset with talking about the problem, know, the shame, the guilt, the embarrassment you might hold, thinking you’re the only one struggling with this. Then finding that supportive community of people who are maybe further along the journey than you and they can help you forward. And then you look back and you help someone behind you. So it’s almost like the inspiration from other people that I listen to podcasts on your channel of and the information where I’m like, Oh wow, people do talk about this is a problem, and they do recover. Now they’re further ahead, and they’re living the life or building the life that they want. So that talking thing is huge. Like, getting it out of your head, unraveling thoughts, feelings, emotions, letting the words hit the air and take away some of their negative power.

Fight the New Drug (16:54)
Yeah, and I want to thank you again for being on our podcast today so that you can help share your story so others feel less alone as well. We know there’s so much power in being able to kind of break shame down in this way. So thank you again for your time and vulnerability and willingness to share this with us. What surprised you most about your recovery, either about yourself or about the process?

Ryan Ridgway (17:18)
What surprised me the most, I think was that moment, and I can’t really think about when that was, when you’re almost feeling like you’re free of it, like it’s lost its interest, you know, those cognitive pathways that dope me, it can be so entrenched, so ingrained, you think I’m never gonna wanna do anything else. My mind is just constantly thinking about that. And then gradually, one day at a time, you get to a point where you just go, oh wow, I don’t even, I don’t.

Ryan Ridgway (17:47)
battle with it anymore. I don’t struggle with it. I don’t seek it out. And in fact, if you offered it to me now, I’d be like, no, I’ve got better things to do. So that was really surprising because never ever thought I’d be that free, where I just didn’t even consider it. So that was quite, quite a nice moment where you look back and go, I’ve come quite far, and you never want to take it for granted. It’s always a process of moving forward. I’m very aware, with addiction, iIf you stop doing some of these things, then it’s like doing press-ups in the car park. It’s waiting for you to slip up, but also, you know, it doesn’t have to be any fear about it. And I think that was the thing that I found in, some of the 12 step programs, that fear of if you stop going meetings, you’re relapsing, you stop doing this. I’m like, wow, this is, this is hard work. I’m almost miserable. Surely.

Fight the New Drug (18:13)
Right.

Ryan Ridgway (18:39)
It should be sober and happy and easy and free and peaceful. And to find that space was like, that’s a nice surprise.

Fight the New Drug (18:48)
Yeah, and thank you for sharing that in that way because I think for so many people on a journey to improve mental health or overcome addiction, that process of doing the work in between kind of the rock bottom that forces you to decide if you want to make a change and that kind of light at the end of the tunnel, that work is difficult. And I think it’s common for people to say, well, this, I’m feeling worse than I was before. This can’t be better.

So to know that there’s that light at the end of the tunnel, I think can be really encouraging for people to hear from someone who’s been through that.

Ryan Ridgway (19:20)
Absolutely. I see it all the time in my teaching, you the people, have reached out maybe a couple of years ago, I send them the link to your website and they come back all the time and say, well, you know what, it does work. We can get there. And it is a process. You know, if someone was drowning, you wouldn’t teach them to swim at that point. Like, there’s a process to this. And also that fear of relapsing and being able to go, you know what, I messed up and that’s okay.

Let’s move forward. Let’s learn from that. What were the triggers? What was the situation, rather than the shame of, don’t want to tell anyone that I’ve relapsed. It’s like you relapse. We’re human. Let’s talk about it. Let’s learn from it. Let’s move forward. How many days was it? 10? Right. We’re to go for 20. You know, give me a call. If ever you feel like, you know, that, urge, that impulse.

Fight the New Drug (20:09)
Yeah, that’s something that I’m so glad you mentioned because I think a lot of people often see setbacks as failures in addiction recovery. And I love the way you frame that, that the setback is actually a tool to learn, you know, what drove you to this and it’s information that can help you toward recovery if you can look at it in the right way. So to know that it’s not a failure, it’s just part of the process I think is helpful for people to hear as well.

Ryan Ridgway (20:35)
Yeah, it is. It’s part of the process where we’re human, we’re not perfect, but if you can take that experience and learn from it. And there’s been loads of times in my journey like that. So for example, know, way back when I used to have an office without a window with a lockable door. It was just the prime opportunity where that impulse could take hold. So I moved myself to an office without a lock, with a new window. And you know, there’s that practical step, as silly as it sounds, that then it reduces the opportunity. So there’s lots of different practical steps, spiritual steps, community-based steps, that recovery journey that’s unique to you, but use those relapses as a learning, as a lesson.

Fight the New Drug (21:16)
Yeah, for anyone who’s listening who might relate to your story, what’s one small step you would encourage them to take toward healing?

Ryan Ridgway (21:26)
I think the one small step that’s actually the biggest step and the most important step is admitting it to yourself and someone else. You know, finding someone you can be honest with, drive down that shame that surrounds this stuff, and have an accountability partner. So mine is one of my best friends. He’s the co-host of our mental reset YouTube channel that’s due to launch soon. It’s all about men’s mental health, and he doesn’t struggle with an addiction of any type.

But he’s like my accountability partner. I know I can be honest with him, and you know, if there’s a problem, I can ring him. If there was a relapse, I’d tell him, we’d explore it, he’d ask open questions. So talking, finding that person to be honest with, having that, you know, accountability partner.

Fight the New Drug (22:12)
Yeah, that was so beautifully said. We know there is so much power in sharing your story and having support. And that’s one of the reasons, actually, that we love Relay, which you mentioned earlier. So our longtime friends at Relay have developed an app that matches you with a small supportive group of peers who understand exactly what you’re going through. And together, you set goals and check in daily, and encourage each other as you work toward freedom. It’s like having a team always in your corner or support in your pocket, reminding you that recovery is possible. And we’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone finally realizes that they don’t have to fight this battle on their own. And Relay makes that kind of connection safe, straightforward, and even anonymous.

Right now, during NoPoorNovember, Relay is giving our listeners 40 % off for anyone who signs up during the month of November. If you’ve been thinking of making a change, this is your chance. Start today at joinrelay.app slash consider. That’s joinrelay.app slash consider.

So Ryan, as you’ve spoken with others about their experiences and done work in mental health support, have you noticed any recent trends in the way that pornography use can escalate?

Ryan Ridgway (23:19)
Wiith regards to pornography use, trends that people will kind of share is, know, when they’re using substances, alcohol, for example, and they are watching pornography use, they say, you know, it becomes more extreme. I’m going into spaces that I wouldn’t usually venture into sober and, and that’s a concern.

And that wasn’t the case for me, which is why I think it flew for so long under the radar. It’d be the same kind of, you know, almost obsessively watching the same videos. didn’t get more extreme or going through the spaces, but I do have that shared with me from others where they say, you know what, it really impacted my moral compass. I was watching violent videos or things that I just, the next day I thought, this.

This has got to stop. So that that is a trend, and we know the risk with that with pornography, and you share, and I never knew this back in the day that it’s non-consensual and it’s abuse, and it’s just, can’t, I can’t support that. Now I know about these facts. I’m just like, no way. I’ve got to support the work you do and get this message out there, and give people the facts unless they’ve got the facts and the awareness. They’re not making an informed decision.

Fight the New Drug (24:36)
Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. think so many people, similar to what you said, have this belief that because something is made in mainstream pornography that it must be ethically produced and consensual, and everyone’s over the age of 18, and it’s completely fine because it’s quote unquote just entertainment. And we know from research and personal stories that that’s not always true and that, you know, force, fraud, and coercion are happening in the mainstream porn industry, more than most people would ever believe that they are. But it’s something that so many people don’t know. And so I think that is kind of the first step is getting that education out there. But as you mentioned, you were consuming content that was fairly violent or you weren’t sure how it was produced. Did you notice how that was affecting your perception of the world or how you saw other people in everyday life?

Ryan Ridgway (25:27)
Yeah, it shapes your perspective on relationships, expectations of intimacy. think maybe there’s a trend there of porn consumption and people moving on to relationships very quickly, know, especially with dating sights know, back in my day, couples kind of stayed together longer, you know, worked on a relationship, worked on communication. And there seems to be a trend now of my younger friends and they’ll say, you know what, it didn’t work out and they’re onto the next part and the next partner, you know, making comments around the intimacy with that partner. They didn’t do this. They didn’t do that. So yeah, I think it’s undeniable that it can shape your frame of reference, your window on the world and your expectations. And social media does that, right? We see the perfect holiday and the car and the perfect life. So why wouldn’t it do that with relationships if someone’s consuming a lot of pornography?

Fight the New Drug (26:26)
Right. Was that something that you noticed in the process of kind of breaking down the way that it had maybe influenced your expectations of intimacy in your healing process? Were you aware of where you had some of those expectations that you had to confront?

Ryan Ridgway (26:41)
Um, really the, the, the thing where it influenced my expectation and, and affecting my mental health was not feeling good enough. You know, you’d see these, these performers and you think, well, I don’t look like that. I can, I’m not that, that, that size, that shape. And, and it was very much like an impact on self-esteem for me rather than an expectation on, on my partner to be like this or do that. It was me kind of thinking, I’m not good enough. And it really affected self-esteem because you start to think, well, that’s normal. That’s what all men look like, right? And I don’t look like that. So that was hard. And that definitely influenced things like steroids misuse, know, abuse steroids. I’m a former pro MMA fighter. I’ve only had two fights. The one I lost is on YouTube. The one I won is nowhere to be seen. That’s typical.

Ryan Ridgway (27:33)
But you know, covered in tattoos and that bravado, it kind of was celebrated in that realm. But when you watch these videos, you’re just like, oh, I’m not good enough. I need to be bigger or stronger or more ripped. And there was a level of body dysmorphia. I actually got to 17 and a half stone because of steroid misuse. Because some of those performers, you know, they’re in great shape. And you think, well, I need to look like that to be accepted within myself.

Fight the New Drug (28:02)
Right. I think that’s a pretty common experience we hear from men. Is that something that as you’ve spoken with other men who have been through a pornography habit as well that you’ve had conversations with them about?

Ryan Ridgway (28:14)
Yeah, it is. is. Steroid misuse is another common trend that affects mental health, not limited to men, but mostly men’s mental health. We’re definitely seeing a shift whereby more men are being diagnosed with the eating disorders and body dysmorphia. 25 % of those diagnosed with an eating disorder in the UK are men and that’s gone up year on year. And it’s all down to do with that perception of self. I think unfairly and sadly women were exposed to that earlier on right we had vogue and size zero and all this ridiculous stuff that that women should look like this or like that and now it’s almost like caught up for men where you’ve got reality tv shows and everyone’s you know in great shape whereas maybe 10 15 20 years ago um the the male figure had no expectation

Fight the New Drug (29:06)
And that’s something we’re seeing from both men and women who consume pornography. But I want to go back to something

mentioned some ways that pornography habits could kind of fly under the radar. What is it in all of the conversations you’ve had with individuals who have struggled with this, what you’ve seen in your own experience, what are some reasons that you think it’s so easy for a pornography habit to fly under the radar in comparison to some other addictions?

Ryan Ridgway (29:31)
Well, it’s not illegal. You know, if it’s substances, drugs, there’s that level of it’s illegal. If it was alcohol, you know, might be tired the next day and hungover. People might see signs of that. And with pornography, sadly, it’s almost celebrated. It’s normalized. It’s, you know, it’s just a bit of fun, right? It’s just a bit of fun that everyone’s involved in. So because it’s almost…celebrated and accepted and normalized. I think then people don’t consider that it could be harmful for the consumer and for the people who are actually involved, the performers. And so I think that’s why it kind of flies under the radar. And for me, like I said, it didn’t get more extreme. It was almost like the same standard watching the same videos, even maybe if it had got more extreme, I’d have recognized it sooner. It wouldn’t have flown under the radar. But there’s so many different ways that I think people don’t even consider that it could be an addiction. And when I talk and I teach and I said, look, there’s a new addiction we need to be aware of. There’s a new thing that’s quite harmful. It’s got these three A’s, and people are almost like surprised, like what? Like I get them to guess, and they often say smartphones or social media. And then we’ll go that little bit deeper, and you can see that moment where they do, wow, yeah, of course, of course it would be. But if that’s what someone seeks out, that’s how they get their dopamine, excitement and it’s there and available all the time. They can see how harmful that would be.

Fight the New Drug (31:02)
And thank you for sharing that. think that is something we hear commonly and especially among men. think culturally it’s normalized and celebrated and increasingly for women as well, but especially among men as it’s almost like you’re weird if you don’t engage in pornography or you’re, you know, you’re the odd one out if you’re not interested in consuming this content. And so what was that like for you in pursuing recovery? If that’s at all relatable culturally as a male with this normalized around you.

Ryan Ridgway (31:35)
Yeah, it would have been hard to talk to certain friends about this. They wouldn’t have understood that. have almost, you know, had a bit of a laugh and a joke with you. So I was kind of selective who I told initially and who I told initially was through the app Relay, you know, like-minded people where I could be honest, but definitely still friends today who, when they listen to this podcast, they’d be quite surprised. So a group of friends who would kind of ridicule.

That’s something about being selective over who you tell because there is that bravado. There is that you’re, what you mean? You’re strange. That’s not an addiction. It’s just a bit of fun. And it’s like, well, not for me. It isn’t. And when we will share videos on, on WhatsApp, cause we’ve got the, know, your, your, groups, your social media groups, and some groups will share a video. I’m like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don’t want to see that. Let me take myself out of that group. Cause it’s so normalized within that group. You’re strange if you don’t, with some people.

Fight the New Drug (32:31)
Right. As you’ve been in recovery and spoken with other individuals in recovery, have you seen that shifting at all that as more people open up about this and share their experiences that there is a shift in that culture or is it still feeling like it’s the normalization is kind of overwhelmingly what most people are experiencing?

Ryan Ridgway (32:49)
There is a definite shift, 100%. I think sadly, because more people are struggling with porn consumption, more people are seeking out recovery and a relief to talk about it. See, 100%, we’re seeing that shift, but things take time, sadly. know, 10 years ago, there was a lot of stigma and judgment around mental health and mental illness. And we’ve seen that shift where celebrities come forward and they’re openly talking about having a mental illness. So it is shifting. We will get there.

Fight the New Drug (33:09)
Yeah.

Ryan Ridgway (33:19)
down to the great work of your website and your podcast and your sharing information. I’ll now share the link to your website, when I teach and we will see that shift. are creating that community of people who are fighting for a better future without porn consumption. So keep going. We’ll get there.

Fight the New Drug (33:27)
Thank you you so much. And just for our listeners, we see that shift as well. Every time that someone opens up about this, is willing to share their story on a podcast or in a video or online in the comments of something, we are seeing more and more people, as you mentioned, unfortunately, because people are struggling, they are seeking out help, but we are seeing more and more people pursue recovery and choose a path where hopefully we can normalize not consuming pornography. We can normalize being fully educated about what it is. You know, if you consume other substances, smoke cigarettes, there’s a warning label that says these are some potential, you know, harmful effects, and you can choose to consume this or not, but at least you have all the information. And that’s just something that we haven’t seen with pornography for so many generations are that people are getting kind of sucked in and hooked when they’re so young and they don’t have all the information and then the habit continues, right? And so,

For any of our listeners, just to know you are making a difference every time that you share an article or a video or a podcast episode or have a conversation about this in your personal life, it truly does help move that needle.

Ryan Ridgway (34:40)
It does, it does. We saw that shift with people talking about their mental health journey, and that needle is shifting dramatically. know, keep sharing, keep talking. If you’ve got an issue with this, then it’s okay to talk about because that’s how we make a change as a community, as a collective. Like you said about the warning label on cigarettes, things like that. Unless someone’s got the awareness and information, they’re not making an informed choice. We can help support in the making an informed choice.

Fight the New Drug (35:11)
Right. You brought up mental health. How has your understanding of mental health and addiction changed over time?

Ryan Ridgway (35:19)
It’s changed in the view that there is no one way to recover. Typically in the realms of 12-step programs, in my experience, and like , they help loads of people, they are great, but it’s almost like our way or no way. This one set process, you’ve got to work through the steps and…that isn’t the case.

My journey of recovery may well look different to anyone else’s, and that’s okay. So it’s person-centered rather than this or that. It’s a whole host of things. It’s about shaping what that looks like for you. So you can live your life. It doesn’t have to be a miserable life living in recovery or sober or avoiding that thing that’s drawn you in. It can be a great life. It can be a freeing life. can be peaceful and calm, but there’s no one way. It’s not a linear journey.

Fight the New Drug (36:12)
And a reminder to any of our listeners who may be struggling with a pornography habit and feel like, you know, I tried this and it didn’t work, or I tried that and it didn’t work. Just know there are so many different resources available to you that can help you overcome this. And as you mentioned, you know, no one resource is exactly right for everyone. So just because something didn’t work doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you or that you are broken or that you, that recovery is not possible for you. Recovery is possible.

We’ve seen so many different people achieve recovery through so many different methods and platforms. So we would just encourage you to keep going and try another avenue.

Ryan, is there anything we haven’t talked about yet today that you were hoping to share on our podcast?

Ryan Ridgway (36:55)
There doesn’t, to be fair. You put together some great questions. I think we’ve covered some great topics. Really appreciate you having me on, cause I’ve been a, a follower of yours for a while now. You probably see that I share your posts. so, know, I’m just really grateful to you for the support you’ve given me, through your sharing of information and, you know, talking about this. It was a relief to see your site and your socials to know this is a thing. It’s got a community and a load of followers. So thank you for having me on.

Fight the New Drug (37:29)
Thank you so much, Ryan. We appreciate your support. This can be difficult work, as you know, to be in this space. And it’s always so encouraging to know that our resources are accomplishing what we set out to have them accomplish and that this work and this movement is making the difference that we believe it can. The beautiful thing about a grassroots movement is it takes everyone, and every person who is participating in this movement to any degree is truly helping to build this momentum to move this forward. So whether that’s donating to our nonprofit or reading or sharing an article or having a conversation with your sibling or your coworker or your partner or your parent about this topic, every single one of those efforts helps to move this movement forward and change the conversation about pornography from what we’re really talking about to change this from something that’s culturally normalized to something that

Everyone knows all of the potential harmful effects on individuals, relationships, and the effects on society. And so we’re so grateful for your work in this space and your willingness to share your story so vulnerably on our podcast today. Thank you.

Ryan Ridgway (38:40)
Thank you for having me, really appreciate it.